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Clips from Chappelle's Show - Episode #1.12 (S01E01)

"Woo-hoo."
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"When the baby was born,"
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"but I didn't know how."
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"Well, that's when a friend of mine recommended "O'Dweeds"."
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"without any of the guilt."
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"Oh, honey, I think he likes it."
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"This reminds me of when I was a girl"
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"(man) "O'Dweeds","
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"Can I hit that?"
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"Forget about your reefer needs, go ahead and try "O'Dweeds"."
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"From the makers of the "Crack Patch"."
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"These basketball tapes is the bomb."
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"They got some of the nastiest street players"
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"(audience) Whoo!"
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"Aw, that was just nasty!"
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"Now..."
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"(hollering)"
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"I think it's a distorted mind but in a way fortified"
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"A distorted mind but in a way fortified"
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"The force is mine."
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"This source is sure to shine..."
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"(laughter)"
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"(crowd) Oh...!"
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"mangle the game, the angle is to strangle the game"
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"(hollering)"
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"He jogs at beginner pace while I win the race."
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"Hit the studio and fuckin' manifest the frequency."
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"and a big bag of treats for these club rats."
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"Put on my white glow and my all-white tux."
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"One of my niggers said he drunk so much"
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"Man, you the sickest motherfucker"
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"(hollering)"
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"Give me a pocket full of cheese for these club rats"
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"(chanting) Gutterballs, gutterballs..."
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"(cheering & hollering)"
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"(cheers & applause)"
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"And this is Mos Def, Pretty Flaco,"
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"I would shout out my favorite basketball player"
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"(grunting)"
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"Jordan..."
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"Kobe..."
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"Rasheed Wallace."
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"Damon Stoudamire."
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"Dennis Rodman."
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"Oh, hell, no."
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"OJ..."
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"(cheers & applause)"
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"uh, "sub-sophomoric and immature.""
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"Something like that."
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"to whoever wrote that article at People."
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"Hi, and welcome to "Trading Spouses","
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"the show where we take two married couples,"
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"Anybody try and touch your mother,"
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"Deez nuts!"
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"I-I don't understand."
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"That's right."
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"Can I call you daddy?"
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"Hell no."
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"Well, welcome, it's good to have you here."
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"Run on, make some grits."
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"What you cookin' for dinner, mister?"
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"Go on, do your thing, girl."
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"Mop top..."
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"you do your homework?"
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"and then we'll watch Martin Lawrence."
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"You're going on time-out."
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"For 15 minutes, okay?"
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"It's the new 50 Cent."
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"G-g-g-g-g-g... get yo' ass in the car, go on!"
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"Well, here you are, mop top, home sweet home, the 'hood."
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"What the hell is this?"
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"Night-night."
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"Okay."
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"Do you mind if I turn off this R&B music?"
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"Light saber?"
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"(therapist) How do you feel about all this, Leonard?"
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"Bitch, I'll never forgive you for this."
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"And if you ever tell anybody I've been in here,"
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"I am crazy, and I'll fuckin' kill ya."
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"Let's see what our interracial families have learned."
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"and I learned a lot from little T-Mart."
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"(chuckles)"
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"Why your ass got to put the raw bar of soap"
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"in your butt and all this?"
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"Maybe I need to wash my face or my feet."
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"Oh, my gosh... Ho-ho."
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"So I got a little riddle for you."
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"Well, then you have my next guests."
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"(cheers & applause)"
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"Their capacity for evil so evident and prevalent."
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"Ain't no hesitation involved. A nation dissolved"
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"Fast forward to 2003 niggas beef, the psychology."
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"That's beef."
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"It's always your own people. Sometime it's your own people."
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"Yo, beef is not what Jay said to Nas."
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"'cause they in a pine box or locked behind bars."
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"Beef don't come with a radio edit."
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"handed down to you in a few short minutes."
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"You try not to raise 'em around these wild niggas."
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"a manicured hand out like "pay me, nigga..."
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""or I'm tellin' your wife"
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"Beef is when a gangsta ain't doin' it right"
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"Beef is not what these famous niggas do on the mic."
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"When a soldier ends his life with his own gun,"
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"Beef is Iraq, the West Bank and Gaza Strip."
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"but what y'all call beef is no beef at all."
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"From Mos Def Pretty Flaco, Black Dante"
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"God bless y'all, God bless America,"
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"I'm out, I'll see you next year, God willin'!"
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"I'm 27."
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"Chappelle's Show."
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"Chappelle's Show."
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"Chappelle's Show."
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"Oww."
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"Woo-hoo-hoo."
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"Yeah, yeah."
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"Let's start the show."
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"I promised Karen I'd quit smoking,"
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"So, it's like O'Doul's, but for weed."
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"and I used to smoke grass with all the negro jazz musicians."
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