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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Septum Deviation (S08E08)

"Why would you take the risk of surgery?"
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"Sheldon, it's a routine procedure."
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"He's like my mucus-powered white noise machine."
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"Sheldon, I'm gonna get the surgery, it's no big deal."
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"End of story."
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"Very well. I'm done talking about it."
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"Thank you."
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"Okay."
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"Oh, this person is most famous"
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"for never having gotten"
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"and never living the rest of his life in the shadows"
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"as a hideous, disfigured freak."
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"I don't."
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"I'm listening to you snore."
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"I'm wondering how I'll ever sleep without it."
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"If it helps you sleep,"
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"Really, Leonard-- insults?"
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"After I spent two hours in your closet,"
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"What's your problem?"
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"If the surgery is successful, the snoring is gone."
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"...the snoring is gone."
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"It sounds like either way, I finally get some rest."
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"I have to be honest with you Leonard,"
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"I'm truly worried."
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"I-I told you, there's nothing to worry about."
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"Well, I've been doing some research"
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"and I've learned that one in 700,000 people"
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"die from general anesthesia."
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"699,999 people don't die?"
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"I'm going to miss that."
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"Oh, so, my, uh, parents' 40th anniversary's coming up"
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"and I can't think of a thing to get them."
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"being married to someone for 40 years?"
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"Anyway, any ideas on a gift?"
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"Well, what are some of the things they like?"
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"They used to like going to the Mumbai Symphony,"
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"but last year my mom thought they were phoning it in."
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"He said that to her?"
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"Well, they weren't speaking at the time,"
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"so he had a servant say it to her."
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"I know how much you guys love the coasters I made for you."
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"They're yours in the divorce."
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"with your surgery, there was a one-in-700,000 chance of dying?"
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"Yeah...?"
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"Well, I've been crunching the numbers,"
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"and so far, I've gotten your probability of death"
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"all the way to a sphincter-tightening"
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"one in 300."
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"My “check sphincter” light just went on."
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"Leonard, what if you have an allergic reaction"
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"to the surgeon's latex gloves? I'm not"
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"allergic to latex."
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"Well, then why don't you wear the rubber gloves"
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"I don't have epilepsy, either."
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"You don't, but the surgeon might, hmm?"
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"from becoming the dancing fountain at Disneyland."
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"Sheldon, do you realize that driving is riskier than surgery?"
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"I do. I have the drive to the hospital right here."
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"That is if you make it"
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"And don't expect me to carry you, I do that enough in life."
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"Buddy, I-I get that you're worried about me"
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"I do know that it won't be from an asteroid strike."
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"Every cocky T. Rex currently swimming around"
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"I-If there was an asteroid strike,"
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"I don't know-- I'm smart and scrappy,"
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"I think I'd find a way."
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"if you have the surgery in Nicaragua during"
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"monsoon season, I can practically"
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"Of course, yes."
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"Bye."
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"So I found this fencing school in Burbank"
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"that has a Jedi class."
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"He moved out."
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"Oh, my God, I... I'm sorry."
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"we can just hang here. No,"
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"it's fine. It's not that big a deal."
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"As long as they're happy, I'm happy."
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"And when I get to see them for the holidays,"
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"I'll get to celebrate Diwali twice--"
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"one at each house."
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"That's double the Diwali."
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"You sure you're okay?"
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"I'm okay."
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"You don't look okay."
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"How can I be okay? I come from a broken home."
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"The doctor said I should be out of surgery by 10:00."
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"Okay."
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"of urine we'd be floating around in, he didn't even question it."
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"18 parts per million."
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"Don't worry about that. I'm happy to take you to work."
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"And Leonard never lets me have French toast sticks in the car."
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"I can't have syrupy fingers,"
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"but he can do the backstroke in a toilet bowl."
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"It's nice they're getting exercise."
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"Although now that I think about it,"
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"Leonard would never go swimming in public"
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"I'm sure he brought it."
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"he got such a bad sunburn,"
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"Look, there's an entire section of my dashboard"
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"that doesn't have any syrup on it."
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"I tried to see how many fava beans I could fit in my mouth."
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"Tell me the truth."
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"What's going on?"
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"All right."
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"an earlier appointment opened up for Leonard"
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"and he's getting the surgery right now."
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"Amy, he's my best friend, and if you don't take me,"
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"I'm going there anyway."
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"It's sweet that you care about him so much."
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"Hello."
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"We had a really nice swim."
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"Oh, stop it."
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"That's for the fire marshal to determine."
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"He wore me down."
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"And I was distracted."
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"He's still in surgery."
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"Very well."
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"Come on, let's talk about something"
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"other than the surgery."
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"Penny, did you and Leonard ever discuss funeral arrangements?"
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