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Clips from Blackadder (1982) - The Queen of Spain's Beard (S01E01)

"Long live the King. The King is..."
Blackadder (1982)
""oh, you enormous Scotsman.” Etc, etc."
Blackadder (1982)
"is precisely nine months..."
Blackadder (1982)
"Let me see!"
Blackadder (1982)
"No! I rip them up,"
Blackadder (1982)
"Um...yes, all right."
Blackadder (1982)
"Three Turks and the human kebab!"
Blackadder (1982)
"My servants I can live without —"
Blackadder (1982)
"except perhaps he who oils my rack."
Blackadder (1982)
"That's not enough!"
Blackadder (1982)
"Hope life doesn't become too dull,"
Blackadder (1982)
"I'm not."
Blackadder (1982)
"But it's a fascinating week ahead."
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"Has that hooligan McAngus left?"
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"— (Boom) — The Turks?"
Blackadder (1982)
"# Beware the deadly flashing blade"
Blackadder (1982)
"# He rides a pitch—black steed"
Blackadder (1982)
"# Black Adder, Black Adder"
Blackadder (1982)
"# He's very bad indeed"
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"As the good Lord said: Love thy neighbour as thyself —"
Blackadder (1982)
"unless he's Turkish, in which case, kill the bastard!"
Blackadder (1982)
"— Farewell, dear Harry. — Farewell, Father."
Blackadder (1982)
"My Lord..."
Blackadder (1982)
"At last, the chance for some real power!"
Blackadder (1982)
"(Laughs fiendishly)"
Blackadder (1982)
"I want you scum back to the castle by sundown"
Blackadder (1982)
"Come on! Come on! (The sheep bleat)"
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"Shut up! And you can keep quiet — I've had enough of you."
Blackadder (1982)
"Shut up!"
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"Right, come on, you... Where are you going?"
Blackadder (1982)
"Stop! Where are you going?"
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"Shut up!"
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"You're not supposed to be here! That's far enough. Get out!"
Blackadder (1982)
"If 1 could get my hands on that bastard Harry!"
Blackadder (1982)
"(Harry) Ah, Edmund!"
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"Edmund!"
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"There you are! Splendid news, Edmund! Father's coming home!"
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"We can celebrate both events together."
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"and the papal legate,"
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"and you can sort out the frolics."
Blackadder (1982)
"The frolics?"
Blackadder (1982)
"Yes. The morris dancers, eunuchs and the bearded women."
Blackadder (1982)
"Traditional St Leonard's Day entertainments."
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"You'll have to look into those."
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"Good! You won't let me down?"
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"No, no, no, I'm really looking forward to it already."
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"Splendid!"
Blackadder (1982)
"Twelve months of chasing sheep"
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"and straightening the royal portraits, and now this!"
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"The bastard!"
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"If only he were, My Lord."
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"What?"
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"If only he were a bastard, My Lord,"
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"Ah, yes! And then one day..."
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"Ah, yes!"
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"Then what?"
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"Every other woman in the court has bastards,"
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"but not my mother, oh, no."
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"in case she notices her own breasts."
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"You must be looking forward to the King's return, Your Majesty."
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"No."
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"No, My Lady? But think, he will come to your chamber"
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"Yes. I wish he wouldn't do that."
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"It's very difficult to sleep with that kind of thing going on."
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"Used all night, like the outside of a sausage roll."
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"Still, there's the St Leonard's Day celebrations to look forward to —"
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"the jesters, the jugglers..."
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"A great brown ox, steaming and smouldering all night long."
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"Sorry?"
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"I hope they've got the morris dancers — I love them."
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"Oh, yes!"
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"The eunuchs!"
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"I wish I'd married one."
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"No, fine, fine. Could have happened to anyone. Never mind, never mind."
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"I don't believe it."
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"Percy, there must be someone else!"
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"The Jumping Jews of Jerusalem!"
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"— What do they do? — They jump, My Lord."
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"What?"
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"A lot. It's a humorous act."
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"There must be something else, surely."
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"Ha! What's this? "The Death Of The Pharaoh.”"
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"How funny!"
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"I found it very moving."
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"What do they do? Lay eggs?"
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"— The eunuchs have cancelled. — Oh, dear."
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"Ha! I should have known! Never trust a eunuch!"
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"What shall we do?"
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"I'll remove whatever extraneous parts of their bodies still remain!"
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"This is desperate!"
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"Now, look. We are not that desperate."
Blackadder (1982)
"Morris dancing is the most fatuous entertainment"
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"waving a cloth they've wiped their noses on!"
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"How it's still going on, I'll never know."
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"And rest."
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"Splendid. How are the rest coming along?"
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"Very, very well indeed."
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"Um...I think it's going to have a slightly...spartan look."
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"Er... Yes, that's right, a Greek look."
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"— Good. Everyone turning up? — Oh, absolutely everyone."
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"So many, in fact, that I'm afraid I've had to let the eunuchs go."
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"No?"
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"No! That won't do at all! Not on St Leonard's Day."
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"Well, I thought it might be more tactful..."
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"No, no."
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"leaving out morris dancers or the bearded women!"
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"and eunuchs are his particular favourite."
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"Ah."
Blackadder (1982)
"Scottish orang—utan wants a eunuch, does he?"
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"Barbarians! Half of them can't even speak English."
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"— What do they speak? — It's all Greek to me."
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"No. I mean it sounds like Greek."
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"It's not Greek."
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"But it sounds like Greek."
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""What's not Greek, but sounds like it?" That's a good one, My Lord."
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"You never learned Greek!"
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"Sometimes, My Lord, yes."
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"God, this Scotsman's annoying me already."
Blackadder (1982)
"Laird of Roxburgh, Selkirk and Peebles."
Blackadder (1982)
"Baldrick, you've got a beard. Get yourself a nice dress."
Blackadder (1982)
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