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Clips from Schitt's Creek - Allez-Vous (S01E01)

"I am locking up now, Mr. Rose."
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"'cause I got a couple-"
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"Roland?"
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"Well Marnie, hello. How are you?"
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"Haven't seen you in a while."
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"Yeah, it has been a while, hasn't it?"
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"Marnie and I were, um, how shall I say it?"
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""Close friends" in high school."
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"Isn't that right, Marnie?"
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"Okay, that's enough of that."
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"Roland!"
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"Are you taking care of my bad boy over there?"
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"No, she's being quite obstinate about this whole situation."
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"Well, unfortunately, Mr. Rose doesn't qualify"
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"for unemployment because he's never had a job."
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"Oh well, didn't he tell you about the job"
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"- he was doing for me? - No, what job?"
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"You didn't tell her?"
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"No-no, not specifically, I-I-uh..."
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"Well, that's important information, Mr. Rose."
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"You working for Roland makes you an employee."
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"- Yes! - Oh! I forgot."
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"Well, what were your duties?"
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"Well, I was in more of a consulting position."
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"Oh! No, no, no, no, no."
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"It was not a consulting position, he was my assistant,"
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"he was like my little guy Friday."
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"He would fetch things for me,"
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"I'd tell him where to go and he'd go running off,"
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"and fetching things for me."
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"- You fetched like uh... - Coffee."
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"- Sometimes you'd have to... - Get a hankie."
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"- Yeah, you'd have to do that, and then... - Just when he didn't have time."
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"Nothing with the boots, I don't think there was-"
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"Oh, there was something with the boots."
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"Polish them every once in a while."
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"Every now and then, he had to do that, too."
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"He was a hell of a worker and I really, really needed him,"
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"because you know how busy I can get."
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"Yes I do."
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"Yeah, unfortunately I had to can his ass though,"
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"because of that whole "cut the gravy" thing, so."
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"I think we can make this work."
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"What's this?"
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"I don't know, it's a pre shave follicle mask or something,"
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"I took it from the pile of product that nobody bought."
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"Sweet gesture."
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"I'm sorry for being rude."
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"You have to understand that you're the first"
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"nice guy that I've dated."
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"Lex, I am not always nice."
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"They don't like me?"
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"No, they do! They do, they've just always seen nice as a sign of weakness,"
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"No, nice does not always mean weak, it's..."
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"Okay, so get mad, then."
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"Say something super mean."
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"What, I can't just turn it on in an instant, like you can."
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"Okay well, consider it a kind of role play then,"
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"I-I don't know..."
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"I find your brother can be a little pretentious sometimes."
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"Yes, yes!"
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"This is good, keep going."
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"Well, and your mother..."
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"Seems to be a little uninformed at times."
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"She's uninformed most of the time."
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"Keep going!"
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"Are you just going to sit around all day,"
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"You've gotta go out there and get a job..."
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"- Too far. - Mm-hmm."
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"All right, and there we go."
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"- Boy, thank you! - Oh, stop it."
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"No, no, Roland, I-I owe you big."
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"Well um, one day, and that day may never come,"
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"I may call upon you to perform a function."
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"Marlon Brando!"
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"The Godfather."
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"No, it's the one where he's the big mafia guy."
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"The Godfather!"
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"Hold on a second, I'll think of it."
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"Don't you worry about it, Johnny, I'm happy to do it."
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"Why don't you just get me a little wiper fluid,"
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"and we'll call it even, okay?"
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"Okay, wiper fluid, you got it."
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"And also maybe a Kleenex caddy?"
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"I've always wanted one of those."
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"That's funny!"
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"It is, but I'm not joking."
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"Roland, you screwed it up!"
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"Roland!"
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"Roland!"
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"Son of a bitch!"
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"Oh Johnny, I told you not to take 'er on the highway."
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"I guess I took one of those left turns, and uh, yeah."
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"Okay, well, let's get 'er hooked up,"
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"get you back to the garage,"
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"What paperwork?"
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"It's all filled in, you just have to sign it, and uh..."
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"I'm not buying this car!"
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"You change your mind?"
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"It broke, twice! It's a broken car!"
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"We'll play a little hardball, okay."
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"I'll knock twenty bucks off."
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"You couldn't get twenty bucks for scrap!"
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"Oh!"
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"All right, thirty bucks!"
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"How about zero bucks?!"
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"I wouldn't give you a dime for this!"
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"Johnny, you're killing me here!"
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"Fifty bucks!"
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"Oh, you know what, Bob, I'm walking. I'm walking!"
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"I'll throw in a couple of floor mats,"
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"but that's my final offer!"
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"That frigid whore!"
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"Hey, turn the motor off!"
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"I can't hear you, the motor's on!"
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"the way I had 'em, I'd appreciate that."
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"Mm-hmm, a luncheon for our little townie friends."
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"Good, good."
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"I mean, why is this such a big secret?"
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"Now, if you'll be so good as to follow me,"
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