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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm - The Surrogate (S04E04)

"Can you spare a little change for an old buccaneer?"
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"Hello?"
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"Uh, okay, bye."
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"Just get a doll or something."
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"Get a doll for Betty. It's her baby shower."
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"Okay, use your judgment, whatever you think."
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"Because the dog bit your penis?"
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"FYI kind of thing."
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"stealing your magazines from garbage cans?"
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"I have read "Nation." That's a good one."
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"- Hey, Larry. - Hi, Renee."
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"How you feeling?"
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"Believe me, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine."
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"Larry, I have to do it. I have to do it."
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"I sign the slip, and you're off to Broadway."
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"What, the same one twice?"
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"And I went into the locker room"
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"They were showering and I looked."
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"and I looked down. I saw..."
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"I don't care. It's me and Renee,"
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"and maybe because... maybe because, you know,"
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"she's black, she maybe dates, you know..."
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"So you think the black woman might be used to a..."
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"I mean, if they're used... I mean, if that... if that's not a myth..."
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"with her, because I'm a little intimidated."
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"if you're too intimidated to go through with it, I could try."
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"A good friend doesn't do that."
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"Here you go."
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"Yeah, I'm not the valet."
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"No no, I know, of course."
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"- I already know. Thanks. - No, because..."
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"Yeah, rephrase that."
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"My friend wants to know. Why, what's the big deal?"
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"- And? - And what?"
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"- Excuse me? - Yeah, hi."
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"- Do you work here? - Sure."
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"Is this the only doll?"
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"They make a doll for their kids?"
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"If somebody's Asian, and they marry a white person,"
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"are they making sort of a half-Asian, half-white doll too?"
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"Hmm, I wonder if you do."
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"Isn't that adorable?"
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"He looks exactly like him."
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"Anytime I ever point out that"
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"That's actually for the surrogate."
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"Yeah, I know, but then it's all changed."
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"You have nothing to do with it."
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"Hey."
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"I am thoroughly impressed."
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"Yes, surprisingly good."
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"We open... dude, we open in three and a half weeks."
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"Every time you work, he always has the scripts?"
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"What is that?"
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"- Yeah, I didn't... - What is that?"
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"I don't need sneakers..."
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"All right, Dad."
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"I don't feel comfortable with you calling my dad."
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"Just call before 7:00."
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"This is Irving Schwimmer. Please leave a message at the tone."
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"Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?"
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"Is it your heart? All right, just calm down. Don't take them off."
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"Look... oh, Christ. I don't know CPR."
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"You got a phone?"
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"Do you understand what I'm saying?"
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"I've dated both... black men, white men"
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"It's... it's really just kind of a myth."
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"- Let's pray for that. - I do."
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"Hi, I'm Cheryl. Nice to meet you."
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"And good luck to you and your friend."
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"with a tire iron. He was gonna kill me."
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"and I faked like I was having a heart attack. I pulled the wires out..."
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"Is that what you wanted? You would prefer that?"
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"By the way, what did you say to the surrogate?"
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"- Half-black, half-white... mulatto. - Bisexual?"
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"You crazy?"
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"# On top to stay, hey! #"
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"- That's not my fault. - You saw the black man, you was like,"
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"No, I just hadn't done it yet, that's all."
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"No."
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"Oh, I don't know. Why should I?"
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"All right, all right, I'll tell him you're black, okay? Fine."
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"Make sure he know I'm real black."
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"Take your sick ass in the hospital."
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"Mr. David."
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"You know what I say to you now?"
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"So as he's telling the story, he starts crying..."
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"Puffy shirt, puffy shirt."
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"You know, it's really not a bad-looking shirt."
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"- All right, good show. - Good show."
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"- Oh, Jesus. - Oh my God."
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"Don't answer it. I don't want to talk to her."
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"Well, why does she have to call after every episode?"
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"Oh, don't... I'm not here."
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"Hi, Marilyn."
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"Uh, yeah, we just watched it."
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"Yeah, I know, it's... it was one of the good ones."
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"Um, he's actually... he's unavailable."
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"Mm-hmm."
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""Tell him it was one of my favorite episodes."
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"It made me laugh so hard."
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"I swear, it gets better every time I see it.""
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"I can't believe this woman has to call after every single show."
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"Every... I mean, does it ever end with this lady?"
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"What are you doing tomorrow?"
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"I'm getting my physical for "The Producers.""
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"Can you do me a favor?"
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"Will you pick up a..."
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"a present for the Dusenberrys' baby shower?"
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"- Me? - You're gonna be right there."
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"- There's a toy store... - You would entrust me that?"
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"A gift for a baby?"
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"So you want me to get a doll for Betty?"
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"Well, what about the surrogate? Get her anything?"
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"I don't think you need to worry about the surrogate."
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"Well, I don't know about that."
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"I think the surrogate is a person, too."
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"She's having the baby."
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"The shower is for Betty."
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"She's gonna be opening her presents."
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"The surrogate's standing there like an idiot and has nothing to open?"
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