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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Twin Beds (S05E05)

"Oh, Ted's not..."
How I Met Your Mother
"But we still got homemade lady fingers and piping hot Darjeeling."
How I Met Your Mother
"Awesome. Thank you."
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"Ted's not what?"
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"Ted's not gonna be around a lot."
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"He's following Cher on tour."
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"Okay, don't get me wrong, Cher puts on a hell of a show."
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"But I am not gay."
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"Hey, Lily, be honest."
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"Is it weird that Robin hangs out with one of her exes all the time?"
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"Well, Ted and Robin broke up years ago. It's a non-issue."
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"Ted and Robin?"
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"Not seeming so gay now, am I, Donny?"
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"- Appletini for the gentleman. - Thank you."
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"You dated Ted, too?"
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"Robin, of the four people you consider your best friends in New York,"
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"you've slept with 50% of them."
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"- Don, they're just my friends. - Yeah, but they're also your exes."
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"And you live with one of them."
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"Look, I'm sorry, I got to... I got to think about all this."
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"- LILY: (SIGHING) Mmm. - Mmm."
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"MARSHALL: My God, she's a thousand degrees!"
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"It's like putting my leg against a tailpipe."
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"LILY: Ow! His toenails are like daggers."
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"MARSHALL: I'd love a sandwich,"
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"but no eating in bed."
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"Stupid rule."
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"We have ants one time."
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"LILY: Great, and now he's falling asleep."
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"Cue the river of drool."
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"(GRUNTS)"
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"MARSHALL: My knee itches."
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"Just one little scratch."
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"Marshall!"
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"I think we should get separate beds."
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"Yes! A mini fridge and separate beds."
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"Deal!"
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"- Don. - Hi."
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"I came to apologize to all of you. I overreacted."
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"Well, we owe you an apology, too, Don."
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"- We said some pretty hurtful things. - No, you didn't."
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"Right, right, that was after you left."
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"I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth in the first place."
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"No, I acted like a total drama queen."
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"- Still not gay. - Sorry."
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"So, look, the point is you both are clearly very important to Robin."
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"So, why don't we all have dinner tomorrow night at my place?"
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"Oh, that's great."
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"Looking forward to it, buddy."
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"- Thanks. - You're welcome."
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"- DON: You want to go? - Yeah."
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"- See you guys. - Bye."
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"Bye."
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"- Ted? - Yeah?"
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"I must have Robin back."
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"- You're kidding, right? - No."
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"I don't know what it is, but I want Robin back."
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"I know what it is."
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"You're like a little kid who throws a toy away"
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"and then wants it back the second another kid starts playing with it."
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"Well, maybe I wasn't done playing with it."
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"'cause I wanted to play with some other stuff for a second!"
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"Okay."
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"You're ready."
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"Ready for what?"
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"To read the letter."
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"OLDER TED: Kids, the letter was a device I'd invented"
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"to remind myself why I'd broken up with somebody."
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"I'd been doing it for years."
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""Dear Future Ted, never get back with Karen because she's a pretentious snob."
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""Oh, also, she cheated on you."
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""I'm sorry you had to find out this way."
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"(CHUCKLES)"
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""See, we're already laughing about it.""
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""Dear Future Ted, stay away from Natalie,"
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""or any girl who can pin you to the ground"
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""and beat you senseless in front of a cheering crowd."
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""P.S. Please consult a therapist about why that turned you on a little bit.""
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""Dear Relationship Genius,"
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""Stella left you at the altar."
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""You may never love again and will probably die alone.""
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"Huh!"
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"It doesn't look so sad written in calligraphy."
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"OLDER TED: So, when Barney and Robin broke up the previous fall..."
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"Dating Robin was a huge mistake."
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"Write yourself a letter."
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"That way, when you miss Robin, and you will,"
How I Met Your Mother
"you can remind yourself why you broke up."
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"Gladly."
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"- "Dear Future Barney..." - Ooh!"
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"- This ink is cool. - Right? Right?"
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""You and Robin...""
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""Were a terrible couple."
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""It just didn't work. Sure, you'll always love Robin,"
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""but remember other women?"
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""More importantly, remember other boobs?"
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""And all the cool stuff you can do with boobs?"
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""Nuzzle, juggle, honka-honka."
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""I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic.""
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"- You get it now? - Yeah, I get it."
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"I definitely want her back."
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"(SIGHS)"
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"I don't think human beings were ever meant to sleep in the same bed."
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"Somehow sex and sleep got all jumbled together,"
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"but they're two different things."
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"I know. I mean, I love you, but I want this new bed"
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"to be a sanctuary for sleep and sleep alone."
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"Me, too. And some light snacking, but that's it."
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"Hey, you know what we should get?"
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"We should get a third bed just for sex."
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"Yes! A sex bed! A dirty, dirty sex bed!"
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"It's genius. That way each bed would have a specific purpose."
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"Exactly."
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"We'll have two sleep beds, a sex bed,"
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"and I'm thinking a bean bag chair, just for special birthday stuff."
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"Baby, did we just revolutionize modern marriage?"
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"Damn straight!"
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"(CLICKING TONGUE)"
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"- Hey, guys. - Hey, Don."
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"I hope you like sushi."
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