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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Twin Beds (S05E05)

"How cool is it that Don makes sushi? He learned while on assignment in Japan."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ringworm-ilicious."
How I Met Your Mother
"Barney, be nice. You only want her 'cause you can't have her."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's like if I said you can sit anywhere in this room except that chair."
How I Met Your Mother
"Are you so petty that..."
How I Met Your Mother
"My chair! My chair!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, spicy tuna with jalapeno! My favorite!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Mine, too. I love spicy food. The hotter the better."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Check it. - Don't..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Super mild."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm not feeling it."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey, Lily, you won't believe it, it's the craziest thing."
How I Met Your Mother
"Don has twin beds, too."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, my God! We just got twin beds."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, Oh. Great, great."
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, wait, that "great" didn't sound so great."
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, my ex-wife and I thought they'd be a good idea,"
How I Met Your Mother
"but we just started to drift apart. So..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah, but I bet you didn't have another bed just for sex."
How I Met Your Mother
"No, but she did at her personal trainer's house."
How I Met Your Mother
"This chili is like an ice cube in my mouth."
How I Met Your Mother
"I will say this, though."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm gonna get a king-size bed if Robin decides to move in."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, I'd like that."
How I Met Your Mother
"- lf I move in. - lf you move in."
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"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Tokyo Don,"
How I Met Your Mother
"you ever do this back in Japan?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Wasabi! - I wouldn't, Barney, no."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey. Oh, my God, Barney?"
How I Met Your Mother
"(EX CLAIMS)"
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"- Awesome! - Give him some milk!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Spit it out, Barney! Spit it out!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, we're out of milk."
How I Met Your Mother
"But thanks for the reminder, Robin."
How I Met Your Mother
"ROBIN: Oh, sweet."
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"Well, I hope you're happy."
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"Hey, I stand by what I did."
How I Met Your Mother
"It was bold and romantic."
How I Met Your Mother
"You soiled yourself from both ends of your body."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, come on! You have done tons of stupid stuff to impress Robin."
How I Met Your Mother
"Yeah, I did, but I don't anymore, 'cause I'm over her."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Just like you are. - You are not over her."
How I Met Your Mother
"You want her back just as much as I do."
How I Met Your Mother
"You just won't let yourself go there."
How I Met Your Mother
"That is ridiculous. And I'll tell you why."
How I Met Your Mother
""For my biographer"?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Just... Just focus on the letter, okay?"
How I Met Your Mother
""Dear Ted, Robin is the perfect girl for you."
How I Met Your Mother
""But she doesn't wanna be in a serious relationship."
How I Met Your Mother
""You need someone who wants to settle down,"
How I Met Your Mother
""so until Robin's ready for that next step, she's not your girl."
How I Met Your Mother
""Still, I'll always remember stealing her the blue French horn,"
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""our first kiss,"
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""the look in her eye when she told me she loved me.""
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"Damn it."
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"Now I want her back."
How I Met Your Mother
"OLDER TED: So, that night, your Uncle Barney and I sat down"
How I Met Your Mother
"to have a calm, rational discussion, about who deserved Robin more."
How I Met Your Mother
"- No! - I stole her a blue French horn!"
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"I dated her for a year!"
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"I wanted her to be the mother of my children"
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"and spend eternity in her arms."
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"See, I wanna have sex with her at least one more time!"
How I Met Your Mother
"She is mine!"
How I Met Your Mother
"She's not yours! And she's not mine, either."
How I Met Your Mother
"- She's Don's. - You're right."
How I Met Your Mother
"- We got to get rid of that guy. - Yeah."
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"- Yeah. - You know, figuratively."
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"Of course."
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"Or literally."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, my God, Ted, this is how it starts!"
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"This is how it starts! I'm scared, Teddy, I'm scared, Teddy!"
How I Met Your Mother
"(SHUSHING) Two guys talking. Just two guys talking."
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"Okay. Okay."
How I Met Your Mother
"Marshall, I'm worried."
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"I don't wanna get divorced."
How I Met Your Mother
"Honey, that's Don. That's not us."
How I Met Your Mother
"Our new sleeping arrangement is only gonna bring us closer together."
How I Met Your Mother
"Now get out of my bed."
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"Can we at least push them together?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, you meant the beds. No, I don't wanna do that."
How I Met Your Mother
"Why not?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Baby, I love you more than life itself."
How I Met Your Mother
"But you're a million degrees."
How I Met Your Mother
"Honestly, I'm surprised your hourly pee breaks aren't just steam."
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, you're no picnic in bed, either."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, except for the food and the ants."
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"But, well, I still wanna be next to you."
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"Why? So you can kick me and slap me all night?"
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"I swear to God, the second you fall asleep, it's like you grow extra limbs."
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"It's like spooning with a Hindu deity, Ganesh!"
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"Wanna push them together?"
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"You still talking about the beds?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Nope. - Get over here."
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"- Robin Stinson! - Robin Mosby!"
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"Robin Stinson!"
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"Ted Scherbatsky! I'll take her name. I don't care."
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"Okay. Wait. How about this? How about this?"
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"We share her."
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"I'll take her until she's 40,"
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"and then you can have her after that."
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"Okay, who are we kidding? She's with Don now."
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"We just have to accept that, and move on."
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"You're right."
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"I'm gonna go to the... I'm gonna go to the bathroom,"
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"and then I'll skedaddle."
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"(CELL PHONE RINGING)"
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"Hello?"
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"Hey, Robin, it's Barn Door. Guess what? I'm open."
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"(CELL PHONE BEEPING)"
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"Hey, Barn Door, hang on. I'm getting another call."
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"Hello?"
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"Hey, Robin, it's Teddy Bear. Need a little honey?"
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"(GROWLING)"
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"- No. Ted, hang on. - Okay."
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"Hey, Barney, I'm gonna have to call you back."
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"Ted's on the other line, and I think he's in trouble."
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"Ted's calling you? He's in trouble, all right!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Ted, what's up?"
How I Met Your Mother
"You have pretty hair. That's what's up."
How I Met Your Mother
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