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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Twin Beds (S05E05)

"One and two, bang!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Long story short, this exchange student's arms gave out,"
How I Met Your Mother
"Could you come back later? We're taking a little catnap."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, wait, I'm sorry. "He"?"
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"That's not offensive, right?"
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"Maybe I just set it down"
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"- Write that down. - What?"
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"Then there's just a bunch of drawings of boobs."
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"- Hey! - Hey!"
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"I love spicy stuff, too, guy."
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"Probably more than you do."
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"(EX CLAIMING)"
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"Oh, baby."
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"Sure."
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"to make sure that Don feels a part of the group."
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"So, what's going on with Robin?"
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"I go for it every time"
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"Hook, line and sinker"
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"ENGLISH - US - SDH"
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"OLDER TED: Kids, your Aunt Robin had only been dating Don a short while,"
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"when one evening, out of nowhere..."
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"- Robin? - Hmm."
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"Do you wanna move in?"
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"(STUTTERING) Well, it's kind of soon, but, sure, I would consider moving in here."
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"Just let me think about it."
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"No, I meant do you wanna move in on the couch so I could sit down?"
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"Yeah. That's what I meant, too."
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"Like I said, just let me think about it."
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"- Okay. - Okay."
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"- Yeah. I'm okay with that. - Okay."
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"But now that you mentioned it,"
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"do you wanna move in?"
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"So, what did you say?"
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"- I'm considering it. - You're considering it?"
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"- Yeah. - You barely know him."
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"Plus, the guy's a loser with a dead-end job."
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"We have the same job, Barney."
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"- And we couldn't be prouder of you, angel. - Ugh."
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"Well, sweetie, this does seem kind of fast."
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"- Yeah. - Yeah, maybe you're right."
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"Well, I think you should move in with him."
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"- You do? - Yeah."
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"Yeah. I mean, I see how happy you are."
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"And as much as I love you as a roommate,"
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"- I want you to do what's right for you. - Oh!"
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"Are you trying to kick me out because of the milk thing?"
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"It's really annoying."
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"(SHOUTING) Robin!"
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"No. I have a system."
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"I put the empty carton back in the fridge to remind us to buy milk."
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"Okay, why don't you leave a full carton to remind us we don't have to buy milk?"
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"All right, all right."
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"As your ex, before you jump into anything,"
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"I need to meet this guy."
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"I think it's kind of weird that I haven't met him yet."
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"Totally weird. It's almost like someone"
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"carefully orchestrated it that way on purpose."
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"Fine. But you have to promise to be on your best behavior."
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"I promise."
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"So, I'm banging this Portuguese contortionist"
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"and I swear, she is so flexible,"
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"at one point she was on top of me and underneath me."
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"Up top and down low!"
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"- Who needs? Who needs? Who needs? - I'm good. I'm good."
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"And that would be Barney."
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"He means well."
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"Well, actually, I'm not sure that's true."
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"I think he's awesome."
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"But I feel bad for any woman with the kind of low self-esteem"
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"who would actually date a guy like that."
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"OLDER TED: And that's when I realized"
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"Robin never told Don she had dated Barney."
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"I like you, Don."
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"We both love a good Scotch."
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"- We both enjoy my compelling stories. - Yeah."
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"And we both dated Robin."
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"OLDER TED: Now he knew."
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"So, Barney's your ex and you still hang out with him?"
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"I got to say I'm a little uncomfortable with that."
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"Oh, look, don't be. It's like we never dated."
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"and we both fell, ass over sex swing."
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"Seriously, I have not been able to find a girl"
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"who can do that position since Robin."
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"Hey, Lily! Marshall!"
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"How was your weekend away, or any other topic?"
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"- Awful. - Terrible."
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"Twin beds? We can't sleep in separate beds."
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"We should go complain."
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"Yeah, you're right. I'm gonna march down there and demand another room."
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"Yeah, I'll go with you in just a sec."
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"(KNOCKING ON DOOR)"
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"MAID: Housekeeping."
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"MAID: It's time to check out."
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"We slept for 18 hours."
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"- We missed four pre-paid meals. - I lost 11 pounds."
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"Hey, Ted, do you think it's weird that Robin is still friends with Barney?"
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"I think it's weird that we're all still friends with Barney."
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"I just don't know how I feel about her hanging out"
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"with one of her exes all the time."
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"OLDER TED: And that's when I realized Robin had failed to tell Don"
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"about another one of her exes, me."
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"No, hanging out with one ex is fine. Even two, I'd give a pass."
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"Hell, two might be even better than one,"
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"for some reason."
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"Yeah, but if you were dating someone"
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"and he hung out with one of his exes all the time..."
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"Yeah, and he was friends with one of his exes..."
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"Wait, wait, wait, wait, dude, dude, hold on."
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"Do you think I'm gay?"
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"Well, yeah."
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"Why would you assume that?"
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"- Hey. - Hey, Ted, your calligraphy teacher called."
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"- And? And? - Your ink is in."
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"Yes!"
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"Hey, guys, I just wanna make sure Project Runway is recording."
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"Did the Jets get new costumes?"
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"Well, I guess we won't be having crème brûlée tonight."
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"My browning torch is broken."
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"You know, when I heard your roommate was a single guy,"
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"I was a little jealous. But now that I know he's gay, I'm okay."
How I Met Your Mother
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