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Clips from Big Mouth (2017) - The ASSes (S03E03)

"Okay, so don't cheat."
Big Mouth (2017)
"[grunting]"
Big Mouth (2017)
"You idiot!"
Big Mouth (2017)
"You don't care about learning,"
Big Mouth (2017)
"You're funny. People like to be around you."
Big Mouth (2017)
"That's way better than bein' smart."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Sick nest."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Do birds even sleep? And, like, what's up with my bird dick?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"Your dick is hard and made of chicken."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Come fuck your home, asshole."
Big Mouth (2017)
"-you're gonna fail this fuckin' test. -Uh, uh!"
Big Mouth (2017)
"-You've just-- -Uh, uh!"
Big Mouth (2017)
"-[gasping] -Pencils down."
Big Mouth (2017)
"-Oh, jeez. -Riddle me this, joker me that."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Which one of you assholes am I gonna kill today?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"We're huge fans of your comedy down at the station house."
Big Mouth (2017)
"You know, what Jay Leno did to you was a travesty"
Big Mouth (2017)
"because following rules is gay"
Big Mouth (2017)
"tell him Lola's mom says, "What's up?" [chuckles]"
Big Mouth (2017)
"Actually, your father was just explaining to me"
Big Mouth (2017)
"So, how do you think the test went?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"That's right, baby. You got charm, charisma,"
Big Mouth (2017)
"Hey, Nicky, where's Jay?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"And that's what happened."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Yeah, yeah, he's Team Coco all the way."
Big Mouth (2017)
"You want me to eavesdrop on a conversation you're having on the phone?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"You wanna know how long I've been a Lyft driver for?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"You want me to make a left across traffic?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"-Fathouse. -[light bulb buzzing]"
Big Mouth (2017)
"So why don't you just come clean and tell us the whole story?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"And really paint a picture. Do all the voices."
Big Mouth (2017)
"[Jay] I'm Nick's Dad."
Big Mouth (2017)
"I might be gay."
Big Mouth (2017)
"I love Jay like a son and a lover."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Just tell us what happened."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Okay, well, at the end of every school year,"
Big Mouth (2017)
"we have this big three-day standardized test,"
Big Mouth (2017)
"the Academic Skills Survey."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Sure, the ASSes."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Now, that's a hard test."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Yeah, well, I tried to explain to Elliot and Diane that I don't take the ASSes."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Principal Baron said I bring down the school's average,"
Big Mouth (2017)
"so I'm the child they're okay leaving behind."
Big Mouth (2017)
"I hang out with the monkeys."
Big Mouth (2017)
"They love close-up magic"
Big Mouth (2017)
"and are very dear friends."
Big Mouth (2017)
"The school sends you to the zoo?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"Hang on. Ugh. Oh, I know."
Big Mouth (2017)
"-Jesus Christ. -Jay, this backpack is a disaster."
Big Mouth (2017)
"You're totally disorganized."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Guys, guys, it's okay."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Nobody cares about me."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Then, the magic boy returns!"
Big Mouth (2017)
"♪ Oh, in my life ♪"
Big Mouth (2017)
"♪ Oh, ooh, ooh ♪"
Big Mouth (2017)
"-It's so easy on my back and my knees. -Mm-hm.Yeah, you've mentioned that."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Oh, and I just found out that Trader Joe's has a shower."
Big Mouth (2017)
"So if I get that job, I can bike the 20 miles there--"
Big Mouth (2017)
"Well, it's a hose in the back, but yeah."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Ugh. You're late."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Please tell me she did some practice exams for the ASSes tomorrow?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"I'm just excited for you to start this journey."
Big Mouth (2017)
"You could be the first female president."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Shannon's puttin' too much pressure on you."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Yeah, I don't wanna put anything, like, inside."
Big Mouth (2017)
"That diagram was scary."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Jessi, if you ace this exa-- Sorry, when you ace this exam..."
Big Mouth (2017)
"I thought for sure we had a woman president."
Big Mouth (2017)
"...you'll get into all the honors classes."
Big Mouth (2017)
"I can totally picture a lady's hand on the Bible."
Big Mouth (2017)
"-Then Teen Jeopardy! -Ugh."
Big Mouth (2017)
"And then Yale. Yay, New Haven!"
Big Mouth (2017)
"[purring]"
Big Mouth (2017)
"-What was that? -What?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"Oh, you know what it is? I'm thinking of House of Cards."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Hey, Andy, why don't you come to bed? Squirt, squirt."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Maury, I'm a little slammed right now, okay?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"Sure, of course, but don't you want a little break?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"I am just stressed out, okay?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"My dad says if I blow the ASSes,"
Big Mouth (2017)
"I'm gonna end up a loser in Florida like my Uncle Skip."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Oh, snap, Andrew,"
Big Mouth (2017)
"you put another one of your dumb-ass babies up in my sloogie."
Big Mouth (2017)
"The person I wanna have sex with is my cousin."
Big Mouth (2017)
"We ain't married neither, but you still gotta pay for this baby's red soda."
Big Mouth (2017)
"-And he's a guzzler, I can tell. -[groans]"
Big Mouth (2017)
"Why did she call it a sloogie?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"I think that's the sound it makes?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"Dr. Engel, I'm concerned about Jay's ability to focus."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Jay, honey, why don't you tell the doctor what a school day's like for you?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"Then I pick at my skin until it bleeds,"
Big Mouth (2017)
"[chuckles evilly]"
Big Mouth (2017)
"and it's assistant principal's office, principal's office,"
Big Mouth (2017)
"drink cups of stuff on a dare."
Big Mouth (2017)
"and I wonder, "What if I was that bird?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"Would my shit be white like the bird's shit"
Big Mouth (2017)
"or green and watery like mine? ""
Big Mouth (2017)
"Enough! I already wrote you a prescription for Adderall, and here's a sample."
Big Mouth (2017)
"-You're clearly suffering from ADHD. -Well, do you think he needs therapy?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"[chuckling] What? No, no! That's what the pills are for."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Therapy is when my wife wants me to waste one of my four days off because..."
Big Mouth (2017)
"[sarcastically] "I always mock everything she says.""
Big Mouth (2017)
"Sometimes medication can help."
Big Mouth (2017)
"You know, when I had Judd, I had postpartum depression--"
Big Mouth (2017)
"Done. I totally swallowed it. Hah!"
Big Mouth (2017)
"Now what happens?"
Big Mouth (2017)
"-Where's my wand? I'm poking dog shit with it."
Big Mouth (2017)
"and this nonsense is over!"
Big Mouth (2017)
"We've got a regular Andy Garcia on our hands."
Big Mouth (2017)
"Well, Garcia, let's see you mesmerize the movie-going public"
Big Mouth (2017)
"with my foot up your ass."
Big Mouth (2017)
"I'm sorry, I'll be quiet on the ride to school, I swear."
Big Mouth (2017)
"That's right!"
Big Mouth (2017)
"Jay's gonna listen."
Big Mouth (2017)
"He's gonna nod while Diane talks"
Big Mouth (2017)
"and, when appropriate, he will say,"
Big Mouth (2017)
""Wow, amazing.""
Big Mouth (2017)
"Now, Leah, she was an easy baby."
Big Mouth (2017)
"You smell that? [inhales]"
Big Mouth (2017)
"Jay's finally calm."
Big Mouth (2017)
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