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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows - Gail (S03E03)

"I wouldn't care; I'd tell everyone that's where I go."
What We Do in the Shadows
"I'll leave you guys to it; I'll be back in a sec."
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"- NADJA: Oh! - LASZLO: Fancy a ride?"
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"There's nothing more addictive than success."
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"You've tasted it."
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"You'll never going to be able to live without it."
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"[SCREAMING]"
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"NADJA: Nandor!"
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"Nandor! [groans]"
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"Where the fuck is Nandor?"
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"Nandor has taken to"
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"slipping away from the house at odd times recently."
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"Which is very annoying for me,"
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"'cause, unfortunately,"
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"I need his help with an extremely crucial task:"
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"updating the Vampiric Council's website."
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"I don't even know what a website is."
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"I thought it was something to do with spiders."
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"Not tonight, huh, guys?"
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"LASZLO: Nandor's behavior has been very odd of late."
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"Privacy, please!"
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"PRODUCER: Nandor. Nandor..."
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"But I think I know why."
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"He's been disappearing"
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"to the penny pornos."
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"Penny porno is a room in town"
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"where men pay a cent to sit next to each other"
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"and whack off. Why would he lie about that?"
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"In fact, I've just come back from there."
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"GUILLERMO: I honestly have no idea where he's been going."
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"Knock, knock. Coming in."
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"I should know where's he at at all times. I'm his bodyguard."
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"Rise and shine,"
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"sleepy-- [shrieks]"
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"And that is not Nandor."
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"I honestly have no idea where he's going."
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"COLIN: So we've decided to follow him."
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"Me, personally,"
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"I couldn't give a shit where he goes."
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"But I don't want the others to think"
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"that I'm not down to clown at the drop of a hat."
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"-[Nandor groaning] - GUILLERMO: Do you hear that?"
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"That's definitely him."
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"NADJA: Why would he come to a hotel?"
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"-[Nandor grunting] - Whoa. -[shrieks]"
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"Sounds like he's in distress."
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"You'd better break the door down."
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"-[grunting, yelling] - No, because it sounds--"
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"- It could be something else. - Bodyguard, break the door down."
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"Okay. Everyone stand back."
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"[Guillermo grunts]"
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"[Nandor and woman grunting]"
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"Oh, hi, guys!"
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"Remember Gail? I am inside her right now."
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"Hi, Gail. Nice to see you again."
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"- COLIN: Hey, Gail. - Hey, guys!"
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"- GUILLERMO: Okay. Everyone out. - GAIL: Uh, yeah."
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"-[Nandor grunting] -[Gail gasps]"
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"["You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing]"
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"♪ Don't sing if you want to live long♪"
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"♪ They have no use for your song♪"
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"♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead♪"
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"♪ You're dead and out of this world♪"
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"♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone♪"
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"♪ You sold out your dream to the world♪"
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"♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead♪"
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"♪ You're dead and out of this world.♪"
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"♪"
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"♪ Gail is coming tonight.♪"
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"The cat's out the bag!"
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"Your boy's in love."
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"Gail is coming over tonight and everything has to be perfect."
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"♪"
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"I have not always been"
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"so lucky in love."
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"Of course, there were my 37 wives,"
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"but they mostly hated me."
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"Anyway, I had a dry spell"
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"for about 200 years."
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"And then I met Gail."
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"We have been what you might call off and on"
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"over the past 30, 40 years."
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"But I simply cannot keep away."
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"Her hair smells of tropical fruits,"
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"her scalp of medication."
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"She lounges in T-shirts"
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"bearing the image of musical poet Robert Seger."
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"And her favorite brand of yogurt"
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"is strawberry vanilla crunch."
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"[grunts]"
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"Guillermo! Have you still got that mini fridge?"
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"Yes, you do!"
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"- Great. - My fridge."
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"What's-- What do you need that for?"
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"- What's all this shit? - That's medicine."
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"I need to keep that refrigerated-- It's fine."
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"The doctor said there might be side effects if I don't."
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"- Don't be such a snowflake. - Why do you need my fridge?"
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"- Nice. - What is going on?"
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"That's a lot of yogurt."
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"- You don't eat yogurt. - It's for Gail."
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"Gail."
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"Of course I'm happy for my master. Why wouldn't I be?"
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"But, as his bodyguard, it is my job"
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"to personally vet anyone that he spends time with."
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"And that's exactly what I'll do."
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"Nandor, we really need to make a decision on these fonts."
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"I like Helvetica,"
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"'cause it's the name of one of the prostitutes"
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"for the donkeys in my village and we were friendly."
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"- What do you think? - About what?"
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"The fonts for the Vampiric Council website."
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"I mean, we could do Franklin Gothic,"
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"but it's a bit on the nose."
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"Not now, Nadja, please."
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"Gail is coming over tonight."
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"NADJA: Yes, we are familiar"
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"- with Gail. - Now you're taking a risk there,"
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"'cause my wife hates Gail more than anyone in the world."
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"I have no issue with Gail."
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