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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Desperation Emanation (S04E04)

"But it's still no reason to have your feet in my spot."
The Big Bang Theory
"May I offer an observation?"
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"What the hell? How long has she been there?"
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"Since we got home from the comic book store."
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"That was two hours ago."
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"As per your suggestion, we're hanging out."
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"Quite frankly, I don't see what all the hoopla is about."
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"Go on, Amy."
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"From a neurobiological standpoint..."
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"...you may be alone because your psychological state..."
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"...is causing an actual pheromone-based stink of desperation."
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"- Did you know that, Leonard? - No."
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"I understand that some people find mates..."
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"...in social gathering places such as bars or taverns."
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"Have you tried a bar or tavern?"
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"No, I'm not gonna pick up a woman in a bar."
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"Wise decision. You see, Amy..."
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"...success at a bar is based on classic male attributes..."
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"Height, strength, attractiveness..."
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"...the ability to hold one's liquor and throw darts, separately or together."
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"Leonard has none of these attributes, right, Leonard?"
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"Right."
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"That's not true of all bars. Juice bars for example."
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"Yeah. Building on your premise..."
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"...Leonard could frequent sushi bars, salad bars..."
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"...oyster bars, the Apple Genius Bar."
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"- What are you doing? - Keep going, I'm listening."
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"That was rude."
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"He does it all the time."
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"He's a cornucopia of social awkwardness."
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"Cornucopia, what a mellifluous word."
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"- Let's make that our word of the day. - Agreed."
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"And we'll use mellifluous tomorrow."
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"Well, I have to void my bladder."
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"It was nice spending this time with you."
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"- Wait. I have a request. - Yes?"
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"- I'd like you to meet my mother. - I see. Can I get back to you on that?"
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"- Certainly. Good night. - Good night."
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"Leonard. Leonard..."
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"Leonard. Leonard..."
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"- Leonard. Leonard. - Yeah. What?"
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"Amy Farrah Fowler has asked me to meet her mother."
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"- Yeah? So? - What does that mean?"
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"You know how you're always saying that Amy is a girl..."
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"...who is a friend and not your girlfriend? - Uh-huh."
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"You can't say that anymore."
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"What?"
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"Well, she obviously wants to take your relationship to the next level."
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"Ugh, I don't want the next level. I like this level."
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"Fix it for me."
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"Take her off my hands. I give you my blessing."
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"You're right. It would never work. Amy finds you tedious."
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"- Okay, good luck. - W... Wait."
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"Have you considered telling her how you feel?"
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"Leonard, I'm a physicist, not a hippie."
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"All right, well, let me see if I can explain your situation using physics."
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"What would you be if you were attached to another object..."
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"...by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis?"
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"Screwed."
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"There you go."
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"Amy's right, he is tedious."
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"Howard, get the door!"
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"Why can't you get it?"
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"You know I'm doing a bowel cleanse for my colonoscopy."
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"I'm like an upside-down volcano here."
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"Oh, hey, heh, I hope you didn't hear that."
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"The volcano thing? No."
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"Well, uh, no, it's just something I threw on."
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"You were pretending to work at the Genius Bar to pick up women, weren't you?"
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"Yeah."
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"Turns out they guard the iPods, but they don't guard the shirts."
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"- So how'd it go? - It was going well."
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"I was showing this super hot girl how to boot up in safe mode..."
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"...the manager got suspicious and..."
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"Well, long story short, they really do have a little jail in the mall."
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"Just FYI, don't try to go back with a fake mustache."
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"I mean, they may not really be geniuses, but they see right through that."
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"I wanna invoke the girlfriend pact, Howard."
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"You that desperate?"
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"No, uh, I just... You know, I want what you have."
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"You know, I want a woman in my life."
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"Holy Moses, how much liquid can be in one tuchus?"
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"To be clear, I meant Bernadette, not your mother."
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"No, I know what you meant."
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"Well, I'm off to meet Bernadette's friend. How do I look?"
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"...only with an absurd amount of hair gel."
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"What are you working on?"
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"I'm removing my digital footprint from the Internet..."
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"...so Amy Farrah Fowler can't find me and compel me to meet her mother."
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"- Oh. You're going off the grid. - Exactly."
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"The old Unabomber approach. Kudos."
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"Thank you. I've also sent Amy a relationship termination notice..."
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"...and changed my cell phone number and e-mail address."
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"What if she just comes over?"
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"She'll get lost. We no longer live at 2311 Los Robles."
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"We now live at 311 Los Robles."
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"You changed the address on the building? What about mail?"
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"He was sympathetic. His exact words were, "Got your back, Jack."
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"Bitches be crazy.""
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"- Who is it? - Amy Farrah Fowler."
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"- Darn! She found me. - She's been here before."
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"The only flaw in an otherwise perfect plan."
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"- Now get my back, Jack. - What do you wanna do?"
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"- Tell her I'm not here. - Where are you?"
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"I don't know. You'll have to devise a scenario..."
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"...that plausibly explains my absence..."
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"...keeping in mind that the key to a good lie lies in the details."
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"Way to go on the details."
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"One time at my lab..."
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"That day, we made a pinky swear..."
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"...never to admit that we crossed Ebola with the common cold."
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"Heh. Why the hell would you cross Ebola with the common cold?"
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"We never did. That would be a terrible, terrible thing."
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"Hi, sorry I'm late. I was at the gym."
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"Spin class, worked up quite a sweat."
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"Joy, this is Leonard. Leonard, this is Joy."
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"- Go ahead, say something smart. - Um..."
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"Ehh, time's up."
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"Just kidding. First thing you need to know about me..."
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"Yeah."
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