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Clips from The Simpsons - Pulpit Friction (S24E24)

"Bring out your bed!"
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"No!"
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"Hold my hand."
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"People, there is no need to worry."
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"You see, behold the power of modified bear pheromones."
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"till he played with your boy."
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"Now, we don't know it was the Simpsons."
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"I think the most obvious culprit is the poorest family."
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"'Tweren't us."
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"We don't even have beds."
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"Why won't somebody blame the children?"
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"Well, the good news is it forced us all to church."
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"You know, in the Middle Ages,"
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"people took refuge in church"
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"to escape the bubonic plague,"
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"but that made the plague spread even faster."
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"Church!"
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"Everyone, please, calm down."
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"Reverend Lovejoy is here."
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"The Epistle of Jeremy is often cited"
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"as the most difficult book of the Apocrypha."
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"But to me, none of the anagignoskomena"
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"are more contemplative than the book of Tobit."
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"Mind if I p-p-pray through?"
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"It's the parson."
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"Are you gonna let a sunny summer day be ruined"
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"by a few b-b-bugs?"
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"God's soldier in cardigan."
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"Looks like I picked a swell day"
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"Now, looky here, Tim."
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"This is a five-alarm brouhaha."
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"Now, for chili, that's just dandy,"
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"but I brought you a little backup."
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"I think I'm more than capable of handling this."
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"Need I remind you of the bingo riot last summer?"
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"God called all their numbers that day."
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"Please meet your new associate minister,"
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"the Right Reverend Elijah Hooper."
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"He was the number two man from Shelbyville."
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"Introduced angle parking."
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"We got in six more cars."
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"Big hand for Reverend Lovejoy."
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"and I can see why."
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"The posture, the haircut, the tiny feet."
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"It's amazing they hold you up."
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"But they do."
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"They do."
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"Look, here's why I'm here."
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"Church should make you happy, like a warm mug of soup."
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"Why does it taste better from a mug?"
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"I don't know, but it does."
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"Okay, who here has read Leviticus?"
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"Mmm!"
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"Okay, now, who here has seen Meet the Parents?"
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"Me! Me, me. Me, me, me, me."
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"Hilarious film; showed a whole new side of De Niro."
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"but then they patch things up"
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"And that's all this thing really says."
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"So, don't waste your whole Sunday listening to us."
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"Go home and watch one of the Die Hard movies on TV."
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"And, ladies, drop in on a neighbor's open house"
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"just to see what they did with their sun room."
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"Ooh. Ooh. Ooh."
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"Now, go on home."
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"We're here every Sunday, just like Snoopy in color."
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"Can you believe this guy, Helen?"
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"Hey... Helen?"
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"Tim. Yes, Helen?"
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"My wedding ring is creating a glare."
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"This is the worst 17th Sunday in Ordinary Time ever."
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"Mmm, debugged and fresh as a daisy."
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"Cool."
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"Homer's oatmeal, meet your raisins."
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"Homer's Pie Man costume, Lisa's red dress,"
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"Lisa's red dress, Lisa's red dress,"
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"Sunday Best Bart..."
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"Where is it?"
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"My wedding dress!"
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"A high-voltage monkey prod?"
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"It is Krusty's. He must have my dress."
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"Let's go. What's the hurry?"
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"Wait a minute! This has oats in it!"
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"Ooh, a nose hair trimmer."
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"Where's my mail-order bride?"
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"Ugh, how long was he in there?"
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"Don't worry, we cleaned up the crate real good."
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"Wooden. Plastic."
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"You know what's really stirring?"
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"Live, local theater."
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"Yeah."
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"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, before I let a Holy Joe"
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"walk in this bar, I got to know"
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"which of the two true faiths you represent."
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"Well, I represent an easygoing offshoot of Protestantism."
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"Easy, Moe, easy."
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"Ah, this thing's just loaded with rock salt."
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"And, of course, to coat the rims of my margarita glasses."
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"Uh, Padre, can I be honest with you?"
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"I've sucked every church book ribbon there is"
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"hoping to find one made of cherry."
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"But there isn't."
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"And if it's such a "good book,""
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"how come there's no blurbs on the back?"
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"Not even David Sedaris."
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"And he'll flack anything."
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"Seriously, "pews"?"
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"It's terrific. It's really something."
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"Listen, I'm just thinking."
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"Would you consider being my deacon?"
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"Deacon? Is that like one of those"
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"weird Catholic priest things?"
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"Because, if I can get the man who sleeps through church"
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"to be my guy, this town will know"
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"that religion can be fun."
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"Well, I'm not one for taking new jobs on a whim."
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"I'm your astronaut."
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"What do you think?"
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"I didn't think Shotgun Mike's Bridal Store"
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"before the wedding."
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"This is not the bathroom!"
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