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Clips from Silicon Valley - The Empty Chair (S03E03)

"So, maybe... maybe ask the chair, see what it thinks."
Silicon Valley
"Say what you will about the chair,"
Silicon Valley
"but at least it never told me to build a fucking box."
Silicon Valley
"♪"
Silicon Valley
"Are you serious?"
Silicon Valley
"We did? Huh. That's very pricey."
Silicon Valley
"So what? Raviga funded us for $5 million."
Silicon Valley
"There's no way we burned through all that."
Silicon Valley
"Do you have any idea how these deals work? That money's tranched."
Silicon Valley
"Well, from the Old French for "slice.""
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, try to keep up, Dinesh."
Silicon Valley
"We get our money in stages."
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"Right? We get $2 million upfront"
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"to get us going, to design and build the product,"
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"but we don't get the next three million until we take a product to market."
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"because he thought we were launching the box"
Silicon Valley
"and then getting the next three million in the next few weeks."
Silicon Valley
"But the platform will take way longer to launch than that."
Silicon Valley
"Yes. So we are effectively a $250 million company"
Silicon Valley
"who just took $5 million in funding"
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"and now we're dead-ass broke."
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"and every day we sit in limbo like this..."
Silicon Valley
"Like fuck limbo, right?"
Silicon Valley
"I mean, right now, let's... let's fire all these fucking sales assholes,"
Silicon Valley
"and break the lease on this place and get the fuck out of here."
Silicon Valley
"Can we do that? There's no CEO here to approve any of that."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah. There's also no CEO here to tell me not to do it, right?"
Silicon Valley
"That's right. You're the CTO."
Silicon Valley
"Technically, you're the ranking officer."
Silicon Valley
"Fucking A."
Silicon Valley
"Look, when, or if, a new CEO comes to take over the company,"
Silicon Valley
"we will do what they say to the best of our abilities."
Silicon Valley
"But there is a very real possibility"
Silicon Valley
"- So, no more surprise waffles. - What?"
Silicon Valley
"- No more Chef Amy. - No!"
Silicon Valley
"And no more of these stupid offices, okay?"
Silicon Valley
"- Fuck. - Dinesh,"
Silicon Valley
"So Gilfoyle, Dinesh, pack up those gold-plated monitors"
Silicon Valley
"Jared, come on. Let's do this."
Silicon Valley
"- Hmm. - Well, that sucks."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah, next goal wins."
Silicon Valley
"No. Uh, not... Now. Sorry, it's got to be now."
Silicon Valley
"uh, Chef Amy, Jan the Man, Keith, Northeast regional."
Silicon Valley
"And do you still have your shadow?"
Silicon Valley
"- Yo! - Hey, there he is."
Silicon Valley
"Okay, uh... circle up."
Silicon Valley
"All right, I have some news for you."
Silicon Valley
"Is this about the new CEO?"
Silicon Valley
"No, no. There's no new CEO. There's no new employees of any kind."
Silicon Valley
"There's actually... It's more about you guys becoming former employees."
Silicon Valley
"that does mean that you are... terminated, immediately."
Silicon Valley
"So, Dang, Chef Amy, Jan the Man, all of Sales,"
Silicon Valley
"Are you sure that you can fire us, like, legally?"
Silicon Valley
"I'm CTO. I'm the highest ranking officer, so yes answer."
Silicon Valley
"You're... you're still CTO? Laurie hasn't fired you yet?"
Silicon Valley
"Well, Code/Rag said that your tech is mediocre"
Silicon Valley
"- What? - Yeah."
Silicon Valley
"That's why I assumed that you'd been fired."
Silicon Valley
"Uh, maybe she's waiting till Friday to fire him."
Silicon Valley
"Oh, that makes sense."
Silicon Valley
"No, it doesn't make sense. That's not what's happening, okay?"
Silicon Valley
"I'm not getting fired. That's crazy."
Silicon Valley
"making the tech awesome, because it's not mediocre."
Silicon Valley
"So, I guess that's the truth."
Silicon Valley
"Everyone from this wall is fired. So, enjoy being fired."
Silicon Valley
"Where did you get this?"
Silicon Valley
"- Oh, I have a fruit guy. - Fantastic."
Silicon Valley
"The exception shall be for Pied Piper.""
Silicon Valley
"Hey, how... how come Pied Piper is not a part of it?"
Silicon Valley
"Big Head, Pied Piper is no longer an incubating entity."
Silicon Valley
"It would be unfair to you and to me and to them for me"
Silicon Valley
"to relinquish any of my shares in their company."
Silicon Valley
"And besides, like you, I'm giving up everything else I have of value..."
Silicon Valley
"Wait. So all my assets?"
Silicon Valley
"That seems like kind of a lot."
Silicon Valley
"It is a lot, Big Head. We're both giving up a lot."
Silicon Valley
"And we're both gaining a lot also."
Silicon Valley
"And that's what every successful partnership is about."
Silicon Valley
"Committing fully, blindly, and without concern of the consequences,"
Silicon Valley
"Oh, here. Get this down."
Silicon Valley
"In the event of a tie vote,"
Silicon Valley
"any disagreement shall be settled"
Silicon Valley
"What the fuck are you doing in here?"
Silicon Valley
"Can't you see we're having a meeting?"
Silicon Valley
"Go ahead, Big Head, read that back to me."
Silicon Valley
"Oh, um... "In the event of a tie...""
Silicon Valley
"The fucking juicer's broken!"
Silicon Valley
"This is he second one in two days!"
Silicon Valley
"CJ Cantwell of Code/Rag writes, and I quote,"
Silicon Valley
""one can't help wonder why Pied Piper can't land a man."
Silicon Valley
""Could the vaunted tech of founder Richard Hendricks,"
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"be turning Pied Piper from a unicorn into a donkey wearing a party hat?""
Silicon Valley
"And, she's slandering my tech."
Silicon Valley
"It's the one thing that's working around here."
Silicon Valley
"Look, I think if I just talk to her,"
Silicon Valley
"I can get her to change it."
Silicon Valley
"No. I do not want you to engage with a muckraker like CJ Cantwell"
Silicon Valley
"My male ego has nothing to do with this, Laurie."
Silicon Valley
"I need to get ahead of this now."
Silicon Valley
"I do actually have a plan here."
Silicon Valley
"I'm not going to tell you how to do your job."
Silicon Valley
"She-she... she's calling us the next Clinkle."
Silicon Valley
"Clinkle, Laurie. Clinkle."
Silicon Valley
"Do you want us to be Clinkle? Please, just stop saying "Clinkle.""
Silicon Valley
"I will have my office set up an interview."
Silicon Valley
"But I want you to present yourself well, Richard."
Silicon Valley
"Be showered, groomed, well-dressed."
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"And you will need to sit down with our head of PR beforehand to go over talking points."
Silicon Valley
"Why?"
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"and when you are emotional,"
Silicon Valley
"you become highly inarticulate."
Silicon Valley
"Well, I don't say that's true."
Silicon Valley
"Okay. Yes. Fine. Sure."
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"Before you ask, the answer is yes."
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"I did blow all these hard drives clean."
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"- So... - You really are a moron."
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"The only way to really blow the hard drives clean"
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"All right, calm down, Snowden. I zeroed them all out, we're fine."
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"So, have a gander."
Silicon Valley
"the Haworths are like a spa day for the buttocks."
Silicon Valley
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