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Clips from Scrubs - My Own Personal Hell (S05E05)

"Put a blanket down. You can lie in my lap while I stroke your hair."
Scrubs
"I call this "The Captain.""
Scrubs
"Right. And then, wait, "The Dolphin.""
Scrubs
"[Squeaks]"
Scrubs
"I swear, sometimes I think you and J.D. Are more of a couple than we are."
Scrubs
"[J.D. Over watch] Tell her I've known you longer."
Scrubs
"I just don't usually burn this bad."
Scrubs
"Don't worry. Later, I'm gonna find some aloe"
Scrubs
"and rub it on wherever it hurts."
Scrubs
"Keith, that was innuendo. You were gonna work on this."
Scrubs
"It also hurts under my pants... in my pants."
Scrubs
"Sweetie, you'll get it. You'll get it."
Scrubs
"No judgment here, child."
Scrubs
"But I decided to stay above the fray. Then I changed my mind."
Scrubs
"Can you believe those two?"
Scrubs
"No, I can't. All that carrying on in public."
Scrubs
"- It's way too much. - It's just too much."
Scrubs
"- Dr. Dorian? - Yes, Rex."
Scrubs
"Mrs. Levin won't take her medication."
Scrubs
"put it on your finger, dip it in her mouth. Hello!"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Rex would remember that morning as the time he lost his finger tip."
Scrubs
"With patients, it's the luck of the draw."
Scrubs
"You can't choose how tolerant they are."
Scrubs
"Young man, can you make sure they don't give me any black blood?"
Scrubs
"- I'll try. - Hmm."
Scrubs
"Oh, your hernia stitches look great, Mr. Borland."
Scrubs
"Maybe later."
Scrubs
"Hello."
Scrubs
"It's about time. Are you my doctor?"
Scrubs
"Yes, I am. I'm gonna go ahead and give you a second"
Scrubs
"Don't try to be funny."
Scrubs
"That is so helpful. I'll take a look at this."
Scrubs
"I can't. I'm on-call."
Scrubs
"I'm really worried about a patient with metastatic adenocarcinoma."
Scrubs
"Aw! See? This is why I hate cancer."
Scrubs
"You are!"
Scrubs
"We're not doing that anymore."
Scrubs
"I need you to go figure out what's wrong with that third-floor coffee machine."
Scrubs
"And, Gandharoo, I need you to talk to a young pregnant black girl"
Scrubs
"Why would she listen to me?"
Scrubs
"I may have told her that you were Kanye West."
Scrubs
"Let's go, group."
Scrubs
"- Perry gets his chest waxed. - Keith loves to knit throw pillows."
Scrubs
"Why don't you ask him to get tested?"
Scrubs
"Turk is very sensitive when it comes to his manliness."
Scrubs
"Remember when I told him his backpack looked like a purse?"
Scrubs
"Turk, honey, I didn't mean it."
Scrubs
"Ah!"
Scrubs
"[Laughing] Yeah!"
Scrubs
"If you can't ask him to get tested, what will you do?"
Scrubs
"Sure, sure."
Scrubs
"All right. I've made a little tweak to the schedule."
Scrubs
"Lisa, you're on tonight and Keith is off"
Scrubs
"because he's got some hospital-related business."
Scrubs
"Don't give me that. You'd be off if you had a good reason."
Scrubs
"- If you and I were sleeping together? - First, the only woman in this hospital"
Scrubs
"And secondly, I'm the attending, so tough tuchus."
Scrubs
"- Wow. - It's just so unfair!"
Scrubs
"[Turk] Hey, Gizmo, can you check on Mr. Jensen for me?"
Scrubs
"Yeah! How'd you know?"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Your voice is always higher when you're nude."
Scrubs
"[Turk] That's true."
Scrubs
"It's not weird you know that at all."
Scrubs
"You're a flan fan. It's fun to say, more fun to eat."
Scrubs
"Anyway, anything that you need, you just ask Dr. Cox."
Scrubs
"Perry, Bonnie here is an old friend."
Scrubs
"- Can't say I'm shocked. - Take care of her."
Scrubs
"Here's the lowdown. In three hours, my shift ends,"
Scrubs
"for a celebratory "best doctor in the city" date which is guaranteed to end"
Scrubs
"in crazy hotel sex."
Scrubs
"I'm thinking six-inch heels, a leather mask, fishnet stockings."
Scrubs
"Who knows? She may even get dressed up."
Scrubs
"Ooh! Banana."
Scrubs
"Rex it is. Have a great night."
Scrubs
"I don't know what's gotten into you, baby, but I am turned on."
Scrubs
"You were enjoying it until it started making that grinding noise."
Scrubs
"I already got tested."
Scrubs
"Oh."
Scrubs
"Turk."
Scrubs
"I'm a man!"
Scrubs
"I'm not afraid to tell you. It's gonna be a hell of a night."
Scrubs
"While I'm in the shower you can read it and get revved up."
Scrubs
"- Awesome. - Oh, now what the hell, Mongo?"
Scrubs
"Don't get me wrong. I hit him hard. Twice."
Scrubs
"It just made him mad. Guy's got a skull like a mountain goat."
Scrubs
"My mistress used to be a lifeguard. Now get your ass back in there."
Scrubs
"- We're gonna get going. - No, no, no, no."
Scrubs
"and Jordan's whispering sweet nothings to a shower nozzle."
Scrubs
"I'm gonna hang out back here."
Scrubs
"I'll tell you what we're gonna do. We'll leave it up to your interns."
Scrubs
"Who here doesn't think that Barbie should abuse her power?"
Scrubs
"Ah. There we go. Fair and square. Face-jock stays."
Scrubs
"- I might be sterile? - Oh, honey. Stay calm."
Scrubs
"Attendings switch schedules all the time."
Scrubs
"Go ahead, tell me I'm wrong."
Scrubs
"Thanks, J.D. You're a great friend."
Scrubs
"Amen to that, C Bear."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] The next morning, I braced myself for Elliot's odd brand of revenge."
Scrubs
"And there it was."
Scrubs
"Did you individually drain all my eggs?"
Scrubs
"Fine. I'll just have an apple."
Scrubs
"I'm having a rough morning, Brown Bear. How you doing with your sterility?"
Scrubs
"I can't really talk about that right now. I'm in an elevator."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Not reading you, Brown Bear. I repeat. Are you still sterile?"
Scrubs
"Stupid watchie-talkie."
Scrubs
"I heard they really want to have children, but they can't 'cause he..."
Scrubs
"When you went to get your fertility test, you didn't take me."
Scrubs
"There is no "l" in sperm."
Scrubs
"Hey. You get the patient with gelastic seizures."
Scrubs
"Elliot, you're asking for trouble. Everybody's already talking."
Scrubs
"He's the best. He shouldn't be punished because he has to sleep with me."
Scrubs
"- Has to? - Gets to... He gets to sleep with me."
Scrubs
"Remember when I pulled strings with the board"
Scrubs
"People started talking and Perry ended up totally emasculated."
Scrubs
"So it worked out great for me."
Scrubs
"I should not care what other people think. Right, Carla?"
Scrubs
"Oh, sweetie, they're beautiful."
Scrubs
"They're kielbasas."
Scrubs
"All right, look. I know I said I wanted to go by myself to get tested today."
Scrubs
"But I've been doing some thinking and... I'm scared."
Scrubs
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