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Clips from Scrubs - My Own Personal Hell (S05E05)

"Well, you're in luck. This happens to be my specialty."
Scrubs
"I call it "The Stranger.""
Scrubs
"I can't believe you're ready."
Scrubs
"We spend all day taking care of old people. Washing them. Cleaning them."
Scrubs
"Why bring that home?"
Scrubs
"J.D., we're talking about kids, not going home to a house full of old folks."
Scrubs
"All right, fellas. Two quick announcements."
Scrubs
"First of all, whoever's been filling my TiVo with JAG reruns,"
Scrubs
"let's cut it out."
Scrubs
"And secondly, Harvey, no matter how drunk you get, I like to sleep alone."
Scrubs
"That's your problem, buddy. I got my own thing."
Scrubs
"OK. Chris Turk?"
Scrubs
"Yeah."
Scrubs
"We're ready for you."
Scrubs
"Are any of the reading materials in there available for us out here?"
Scrubs
"[Janitor] J.D. This is that... black surgeon that you always hang out with."
Scrubs
"Come on outside to the ramp, dawg."
Scrubs
"Any second. Any second now."
Scrubs
"You know, as a doctor, I rarely root for the disease,"
Scrubs
""Go hypercalcemia with underlying MEN syndrome! Go! Go! Go!""
Scrubs
"Do you drink out of the toilet? My bulldog drinks out of the toilet."
Scrubs
"God Almighty."
Scrubs
"We're filing a complaint with Dr. Kelso."
Scrubs
"He's gonna hear facts. I'm sleeping with Keith, his schedule's shifted"
Scrubs
"and he gets the most interesting cases. Who wants 20 bucks?"
Scrubs
"That's not gonna work. I don't have that much, so..."
Scrubs
"[Knocking]"
Scrubs
"I just got in here."
Scrubs
"Baby, what are you doing here?"
Scrubs
"I was home thinking about my fertility test"
Scrubs
"and how badly I wanted you to be there."
Scrubs
"We're not that vulnerable."
Scrubs
"I don't really know why I didn't tell you about it."
Scrubs
"Anyway, I thought I'd come over."
Scrubs
"Aw, thanks, sweetie."
Scrubs
"Why would I wait outside?"
Scrubs
"Mmm..."
Scrubs
"You are more than welcome to have your goon take both my thumbs"
Scrubs
"and break them if you want to, Bob, but I am officially O-U-T out."
Scrubs
"[Mumbles]"
Scrubs
"I don't. She was married to my best friend, Richard."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Do you really believe that?"
Scrubs
"I gotta tell you, though."
Scrubs
"You gave me some good advice about how to deal with Elliot."
Scrubs
"- Can I fire him? - Sleep on it."
Scrubs
"Say, one more thing about devil-lady in there."
Scrubs
"Why me?"
Scrubs
"I know it's a minor condition, Perry, but you know how things can turn."
Scrubs
"But you wanted me in there because I'm the best what, Bob?"
Scrubs
"- No. - Say it,"
Scrubs
"or I will go in there and tell her you're dying to be with her more often."
Scrubs
"but I really don't think there's any need to bother Dr. Kelso."
Scrubs
"You're right, it is too late, because from now on,"
Scrubs
"For instance, this cool case right here."
Scrubs
"That would be you, Lisa."
Scrubs
"Maybe I should give it to the incompetent intern missing a finger."
Scrubs
"Because that would be you, Rex."
Scrubs
"Now if anyone wants to tell on me to whomever they like, they can."
Scrubs
"Good day."
Scrubs
"- Here you go. - Thanks again, Dr. D."
Scrubs
"- [Cheering] - # Not sterile #"
Scrubs
"I could take solace in something."
Scrubs
"Hey, Turk. I forgot. I can't raid the freezer with you."
Scrubs
"Be careful in there. They lock it up at three."
Scrubs
"Oh, God, no."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Keith didn't know I mildly disliked him."
Scrubs
"Since he's so busy being married and trying to make a baby,"
Scrubs
"I got us watchie-talkies."
Scrubs
"- Hey, White Shadow. - [J.D.] That's not my handle."
Scrubs
"# I can't do this all on my own"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] People were starting to talk about Elliot and Keith."
Scrubs
"Could you give them a kiss?"
Scrubs
"who will not let me call her mom."
Scrubs
"- Turk might be sterile. - We have a winner."
Scrubs
"Bob, just a note about the tapioca. I'm much more partial to flan."
Scrubs
"You can count on me, Bobbo!"
Scrubs
"at which point I will be leaving and meeting with my ex-wife"
Scrubs
"OK, baby. This might feel a little bit weird,"
Scrubs
"I got us a penthouse."
Scrubs
"Uh..."
Scrubs
"[Sighs, sobs]"
Scrubs
"- How did you do that? - [Door slams]"
Scrubs
"Don't worry, baby. I'll kick her ass for you later."
Scrubs
"Yeah, besides, I've been giving the fellas some inspirational pep talks."
Scrubs
"[Grunts]"
Scrubs
"sit on your arm until it falls asleep then pull it out and use that."
Scrubs
"If I ever have kids, you are never allowed to baby-sit."
Scrubs
"Excuse me."
Scrubs
"Oh, for God's sake, breathe through your nose. You sound like my bulldog."
Scrubs
"Baby, I'm a man."
Scrubs
"I guess I was just scared that, if I got bad news, I'd be letting you down."
Scrubs
"But you might want to go outside 'cause I'm about to fill this up."
Scrubs
"He died a few years back. You know the deal with friends."
Scrubs
"If they love 'em, you have to, whether you like it or not."
Scrubs
"Ah, who am I kidding? You don't care what anybody thinks."
Scrubs
"- Beg your pardon? - You're the best doctor."
Scrubs
"Which would be you, Keith."
Scrubs
"All right. If you like him, I like him."
Scrubs
"- Hey! I'm not sterile! - Congratulations!"
Scrubs
"[Scoffs]"
Scrubs
"I like to snuggle."
Scrubs
"# No, I know I'm no Superman"
Scrubs
"Right on. What are you doin', man?"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] A local magazine named Dr. Cox the best doctor in the city."
Scrubs
"- Yes, sir. - Terrific."
Scrubs
"Or are you just saying that to look good?"
Scrubs
"# I'm no Superman #"
Scrubs
"- That's what's up. - That's what's up."
Scrubs
"- Sorry, I'm his man now. - Hello, Perry."
Scrubs
"It's too late, Dr. Reid."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] It wasn't a watch. Now that Elliot got serious with Keith,"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] I'm hit. I'm hit."
Scrubs
"[Whispering] Gotta go. Maintain radio silence on all channels."
Scrubs
"Unfortunately, she brought Keith."
Scrubs
"[Carla] Mmm."
Scrubs
"J.D. Has a Slip 'n Slide and I want to show off my new moves."
Scrubs
"I was thinking maybe we could go over to J.D.'s half-acre."
Scrubs
"Any trained monkey can treat it. Let's see who that monkey's gonna be."
Scrubs
"If I wanted to waste my breath, I'd have given my wife mouth-to-mouth"
Scrubs
"No. You are."
Scrubs
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