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Clips from The Simpsons - The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace (S10E10)

"dot-"
The Simpsons
"Sir, do you need a tow truck?"
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"What are you talking about, Marge? I don't need a- -"
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"- Oh. Hmm. - Oh, honey. Don't eat that."
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"Uh, President Lenny, you have anything to say?"
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"You've made me very happy."
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"Oh, yeah. They'll put me on a stamp for that."
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"You're 39."
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"Surprise!"
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"...to your life."
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"The pictures! They're coming alive!"
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"There you are in outer space. That's pretty impressive."
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"Ah. All we did was grow some space tomatoes and sabotage Mir."
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"Hello, Homer. It's me, KITT, from TV's Knight Rider. -"
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"Stupid movies."
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"You're a liar, honey- a dirty, rotten liar."
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"Cut it out, boy."
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"But here's one that's even more spellbinding."
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"Once upon a time, there was a man named Thomas Edison..."
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"Well, I remember where Edison worked. It was Menlo Park."
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"Some kind of scary telephone, I guess."
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"Everyone knows the man accomplished a lot."
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"Oh, that's where you're wrong, Marge."
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"No more lousy pajamas!"
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"That doesn't sound like me."
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"Not the way I quit."
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"Something electrical might be good."
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"Let me handle the creative end of this, Marge."
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"Homer, that's not a table. That's our dryer."
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"My files!"
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"You started smoking, Dad?"
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"Just toss out things and I'll use my inventive mind..."
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"I don't see why not. They're my kids. I own 'em."
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"I guess because there's so much dolphin in it..."
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"It's no use."
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"Look, I just wanna know how to invent things. Tell me."
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"Uh, all you have to do is think of things that people need..."
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"Uh, well, I suppose that would qualify-"
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"while he's still grappling with the pickle matrix."
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"in the history of mankind."
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"But it, uh, does break easily."
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"Now this next one's for the ladies."
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"only to realize you're not wearing makeup?"
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"That's every woman's nightmare."
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"That's why I invented this revolutionary makeup gun."
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"It's for the woman who only has four-fifths of a second to get ready."
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"Uh, oop- Okay."
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"you can just lean back and let 'er rip."
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"You expect people to go to the bathroom in their living rooms?"
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"- Homer, all these inventions, they're- - Yes?"
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"- Oh-They're not very- - Yes? Yes? Yes?"
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"and no one in their right mind would buy them or accept them as gifts."
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"I guess I'm no better at being Thomas Edison than I was at being Homer Simpson."
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"Oh, dear. I hope I wasn't too rough on him."
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"and settle for being a decent husband and father."
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"- Homer! - Dad!"
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"I stuck a couple extra legs on there..."
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"They're on hinges. That's really ingenious, Dad."
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"- I'd buy one. - Me too."
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"And I owe it all to you."
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"Hey, Dad. Heard you swearin'. Mind if I join in? Crap, boobs, crap!"
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"but I must have seen it on this poster."
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"- But I thought you loved Edison. - Ah, the hell with him."
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"I took your wallet.!"
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"Oh, I just mopped that driveway."
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"Man, I can't wait to smash that chair."
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"Oh, Son."
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"How many geniuses does it take to invent a lightbulb?"
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"Now behind that door is Edison's actual preserved brain."
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"Hmm."
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"Oh. Well, then we'll take it out on Eli Whitney."
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"That's my Tommy!"
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"Two new Edison creations have just been discovered in his museum."
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"and even more astounding, an electric hammer."
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"I gotta admit, Homer. You're takin' this pretty well."
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"Uh-oh."
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"President Clinton has launched a new Web site."
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"Uh-oh. Wait. Let me guess. WWW dot-"
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"''Web site.''"
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"Okay, here's another news ''flush.''"
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"Doctors say the life expectancy of the average man is now 76.2 years."
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"7 6.2? But I'm already 38.1 ."
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"I've wasted half my life."
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"Half my life gone and I'm only guaranteed 38 more years."
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"Marge, I've wasted half my life."
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"Okay, send a truck."
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"No, I don't deserve sugar."
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"I'm halfway to my grave, and I haven't accomplished anything."
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"Oh, I am not looking forward to my funeral."
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"No, Homer wasn't a great man..."
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"nor even an adequate man, and he certainly never accomplished anything."
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"- Nah. - All right. Fair enough. Toss 'im in the hole, boys."
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"There goes a real sack of crap."
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"Indubitably, old chum."
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"Okay, but you've accomplished a lot."
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"You know how many memories I have? Three!"
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"Standing in line for a movie..."
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"having a key made and sitting here talking to you."
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"Thirty-eight years and that's all I have to show for it."
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"Come on. Let's get you into your favorite shirt."
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"You can't come back later because-"
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"Homer Simpson, welcome to your life."
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"The kids and I wanna show you all the great things you've done."
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"Oh, all right. Maybe I can pinpoint where my life went wrong."
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"Quiet, Dad, or we'll have to throw you out of here."
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"Finish him. Finish him!"
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"Well, there's certainly no greater accomplishment..."
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"than fathering three beautiful children."
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"Hike."
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"Oh, I should've punted. Turn it off. Turn it off."
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"Hang on, Dad. This next part will definitely make you feel better about yourself."
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"Your family has asked me to take time out..."
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"Who invented these dumb things anyway? Was it you, Bart?"
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"- It was Thomas Edison, Dad. - I thought he invented the lightbulb."
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"No one man can do all that."
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"Finish her! Finish her!"
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"It's true. I read it on a place mat at a restaurant."
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"Really? A restaurant? Well, now I don't know what to think."
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"Go.! Go.! Go.!"
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"- Go! Go! Go! - Top of the world, Ma!"
The Simpsons
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