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Clips from The Cleveland Show - Your Show of Shows (S02E02)

"Put Cleveland on TV."
The Cleveland Show
"Aren't you already on one of the CSls?"
The Cleveland Show
"Well, then, Mr. Fishburne, you've got yourself a show."
The Cleveland Show
"My own cable-access show. Hooray!"
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"My burrito's ready. Hooray!"
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"I can't believe it didn't work."
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"Now we got nothing for the talent show."
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"Oh, Rallo."
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"What in the world made you think you could break a board with your hand?"
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"I learned it from you, Mom."
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"From Stoolbend, it's The Relatively Late Show..."
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"...starring, uh, Cleveland Brown."
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"And now, Cleveland is here."
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"Hi. Wow."
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"Thanks for tuning into our very first show."
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"How's everybody doing?"
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"Boy, it was hot in Stoolbend today, wasn't it?"
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"It was so hot that if Tim's son Raymond were a potato..."
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"...and he went outside he'd be twice baked."
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"Yes. A stoner potato."
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"Uh, Dr. Brown..."
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"...it's time to interview the next candidate..."
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"...for the rocket-scientist position."
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"Now, I must remind you that you've already had two warnings..."
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"...about sexual harassment, so this is your last chance."
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"I'll be good."
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"- What's the candidate's name? - Uh, "Big Boob June.""
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"Got milk?"
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"Ha, ha. Let's hear it for the NASA sketch."
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"Hi, who's soft? Are you soft?"
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"I'm gonna name you "Scott Bathroom Tissue.""
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"That's adorable."
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"I've got a basement full of these."
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"I think he likes me."
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"Oh, hey."
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"I, uh... I ate Scott Bathroom Tissue. So, uh..."
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"Thanks, Gus. The government blew the levees during Katrina."
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"Stay tuned for Cat Party. Night."
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"So, Arch, you catch my show last night?"
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"- Several thousand people's opinion. - No way."
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"Yes way. Look on the Internet."
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""Mr. Brown has the charm of a graveyard-shift bus driver..."
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"...and the comic timing of a wifebeater.""
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"That's gotta be a typo. Wait, what's that one?"
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"...little did we know they'd fill them with feces.""
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"Hey, but you still got four stars."
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"Oh, out of a thousand."
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"Weird system."
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"If you'll excuse me, Tim, I need to go wash my hands."
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"Everybody hates me."
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"Wow. That's 178 bad reviews in a row."
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"You are one rotten tomato."
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"Quiet. Hit refresh."
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"You shouldn't care so much about what people think. I don't."
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"Because I know one's self-worth comes from within."
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"You're right, Donna."
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"So silly of me to get upset."
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"I should be more like you who doesn't care so much she wears this."
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"Vanity."
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"Vanity."
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"Vanity."
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"You? You'll be fine. You always land on your feet."
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"You're like a cat or a man made entirely of feet."
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"Well, thanks, Cleveland. You know, you're gonna be all right too."
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"- You mean that? - Yeah."
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"Rallo, change my expression to one of determination."
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"Now, you see these charts behind me?"
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"...so don't let them distract you because we need to reinvent my show."
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"Now, I need to be beloved."
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"Who is the most beloved person on television?"
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"Oprah. Kendra got fused to the couch watching an Oprah marathon once."
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"- Ellen. - My mom watches The View in her nightie."
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"The View's horrible. Two meanings."
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"Ellen. The View. Ugh."
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"If we can figure out how to appeal to women, people will love me."
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"Hmm. Now, what do we know about women?"
The Cleveland Show
"They pee when they sneeze."
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"- Do they? - Yup..."
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"...according to that sneezing pee-bag Whoopi Goldberg."
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"Great. What else do we know?"
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"- They also pee when they... - We gotta think outside the pee box."
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"We're gonna go out there and watch every single chick talk show we can find."
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"Cleveland's Tigers, go!"
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"Back in my day in the Catskills I was a hitmaker."
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"You ever hear of "Peezy Weezy"? "You Are So Rare to Me"?"
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"I can write you guys a hip-hop song."
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"- You can? - My nephew Mordechai owned a studio."
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"Those rapper guys came through there all the time."
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"So I know the drill."
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"...but let's give it a whirl."
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"Kids. Mothers."
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"Shopping. Chocolate. White Wine."
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"Loneliness. Bulimia. Drapes."
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"I know what women care about. I am..."
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"...Cleveland."
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"Now, please welcome our first guest, my pancake-Ioving stepdaughter..."
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"We wanna talk about what all women wanna talk about."
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"- Your period. - What?"
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"Now, do you roll your own tampons..."
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"...or do you pay someone to roll them for you?"
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"- Cleveland. - Relax, baby."
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"We all know what goes on downtown, right, girlfriends?"
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"Okay, okay. I roll my own."
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"I roll my own."
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"Okay, now, this was Kendra just two hours ago..."
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"I'm scared."
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"Lift the giant tarp, fellas."
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"I'm the beautiful clown."
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"You've been a wonderful audience..."
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"...and because I love you all so much, you're all getting something fabulous."
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"Look under your chairs."
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"- There's nothing here. - Under mine, either."
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"Oh, my goodness. Is there nothing under there?"
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"Maybe that's because..."
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"...and start looking for the gifts inside yourselves."
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"Cleveland. Cleveland."
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"Cleveland. Cleveland."
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"Thank you, Cleveland Brown Jr..."
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"...despite being ineligible for a kindergarten talent show."
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"And now, please welcome Rallo Tubbs, Bernard Bernard..."
The Cleveland Show
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