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Clips from Haters Back Off! - Staring in a Musicall (S01E01)

"Are you serious? I've had it up to here with your antics."
Haters Back Off!
"[gasps] What?"
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"- He just broke up with me... - [gasps]"
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"...and then hung up the phone. [sobbing]"
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"[both] Oh, my God."
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"And right before I was gonna tell him... [whispers] about the baby."
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"- [both gasp] - Now, what am I going to do?"
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"I guess I'll just have to die..."
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"The worst place to be when you're a lady with a baby."
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"- She lost the baby. - Oh, she lost the baby."
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"I just think you should get all the parts in all of the world."
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"Thank you very much. Thank you."
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"Wonderful audit... Next!"
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"Has Miranda been cast as the lead?"
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"We're not at liberty to say."
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"But, yes, she has."
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"Well, I'd like to audition for the romantic lead, please."
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"- [Bethany] Oh! - Oh, Daddy Warbucks! Of course."
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"Okay."
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"So, in this scene, you promise to find the girl's parents,"
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"as long as she'll kiss you in return."
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"[scoffs] You clearly don't know the story."
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"Uh, who's gonna be reading the Annie parts?"
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"- I could read it. - Well, I will... clearly,"
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"I wrote it. Just watch."
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"I just... I pretend you're Miranda?"
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"[clears throat and stammering] "Annie,"
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"I am just an orphan, and I want to find my parents."
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"Miss Hannigan made me clean the entire orphanage,"
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"and I am exhausted."
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""I would go to the ends of the earth to find your parents,"
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"in the hopes of getting just one kiss from you.""
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"Oh."
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"Well, you're in luck, because I have soft orphan lips"
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"and I like kissing."
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""Uh, my favorite kind.""
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"[Jim grunting]"
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"[Bethany claps] Okay. Okay. That's okay."
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"- [Jim continues grunting] - Can I go now?"
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"You can go."
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"He's a fine actor."
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"But you just won't cast me."
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"And don't cast Kleigh either, okay?"
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"We'll see about that. We'll see. We'll see."
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"There'll be a casting posted shortly."
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"Next!"
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"♪ Oh, beautiful ♪"
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"♪ For spacious skies ♪"
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"♪ For amb... ♪"
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"[Jim] Cut!"
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"♪ Take me out to the ball game Take me out to the show ♪"
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"[Jim] Enough!"
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"There's something about you that's incredibly boring."
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"Next! You're not an orphan."
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"It's pronounced, "Pave-mon.""
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"Your 2004 Cooperative Theater Award nominee."
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"The credits continue on the back."
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"Hmm."
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"Just give me a minute to look this over."
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"Hmm."
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"Authentic."
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"When I act, I make the audience feel what it's like to be... human."
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"Look at all these credits."
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"- [urinating] - Footloose,"
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"The Wizard of Oz, Guys and Dolls..."
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"- Oliver! - [continues urinating]"
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"Wow, look at that! Love Letters at the County Playhouse."
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"[chuckles] They ought to make a movie out of that one."
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"Are you peeing on the floor?"
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"[chuckles] Of course not. I'm not an animal."
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"- Hmm. - [toilet flushing]"
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"[Jim sighs] Much better."
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"Thank you. Excuse me. Excuse me. Thank you again."
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"Very impressive résumé."
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"Here, have a look."
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"What have I told you about peeing in front of me?"
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"- That you don't like it. - I don't like it!"
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"You're willing to dye your hair?"
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"Um, before I post the cast list,"
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"I just want to thank you all for doing your very best."
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"You'll always have that."
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"Unfortunately for most of you, all of the parts are going"
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"- to my daughter... - Congrats, cast members."
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"I'll see you all at rehearsal tomorrow."
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"The rest of you... Well, you don't have what it takes"
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"to be in a production of this caliber."
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"I'm looking at you, Mel."
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"- [grunts] - [Jim] Follow your dreams."
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"You don't have much time left, Mel."
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"You can go now."
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"And everyone else, check out your roles."
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"What? I only got one part? Is this some kind of joke?"
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"Don't worry, Miranda. You're the only part that matters."
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"I'm a tree."
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"I told you Miranda likes to get all the parts."
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"Well, as a producer, I think I should get a say in casting."
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"Bethany, I am extremely busy!"
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"I am directing a play that is going to Broadway,"
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"I have to cancel an order for a dead pig,"
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"and I have an inexperienced producer who has no idea what she is doing."
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"[Patrick] Congratulations."
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"I like your, um..."
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"What do you call that thing?"
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"So if, uh... you need an understudy, just let me know."
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"I haven't missed a show in 37 years of acting."
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"So, please, be my understudy."
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"[sighs] Thank you."
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"Thank you. [chuckles]"
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"[speaking indistinctly]"
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"Hold the work! Hold the work."
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"- The director is on set. - [all applauding]"
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"[clears throat] Okay. Welcome, everybody."
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"As your director, I will be saying terms such as "action,""
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"and "cut" and "hold the work.""
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"I'll get the best acting out of you"
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"by telling you guys to act good."
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"Because that is how they do it on Broadway."
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"Yes, Broadway. Yes. [sing-song] Bravo!"
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"The hose is the edge of the stage."
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"Make sure not to kick the hose"
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