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Clips from Kevin Can Wait - Unholy War (S01E01)

"So... he's really sick?"
Kevin Can Wait
"And this was a big, fat waste of time!"
Kevin Can Wait
"I'll take care of it for you."
Kevin Can Wait
"and we realized just how much we love each other."
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"Yeah, it's not gonna happen. She'll fill you in on the deets."
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"You're not gonna usher your way to that date, pal."
Kevin Can Wait
"What?"
Kevin Can Wait
"I wanted to let you know that Kevin and I"
Kevin Can Wait
"or you want any referrals, please reach out to me, okay?"
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"Why would you do this to me?"
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"He's lying. He doesn't have a heart condition."
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"I know you're not dying."
Kevin Can Wait
""Father Kevin"?"
Kevin Can Wait
"Yes."
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"No."
Kevin Can Wait
"of her archery tournament."
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"She refuses to wear her new glasses,"
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"Okay, great!"
Kevin Can Wait
"So, we got... we got parents, we got deejay,"
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"we got reception hall."
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"Yeah, not only does that date work,"
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"it's the only date that does work."
Kevin Can Wait
"Hold up. The 17th?"
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"Nobody checked with me."
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"My dance card is pretty full. Hold on."
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"and I'm probably going with the boys."
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"You'd choose a Met game over your daughter's wedding?"
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"You're my little peanut, and I love you."
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"I did. They're in San Diego."
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"I-I... It's gonna be tough finding a spot."
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"Oh, oh! Dad, look."
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"Yep. I'm on it."
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"Ah! I think you're making a mistake."
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"Yeah, that family's pulling out any second."
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"You already got it in reverse!"
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"- Church parking lot, Dad. - Yep. Gotcha."
Kevin Can Wait
"With your big calves."
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"Hustle!"
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"Did you see that? He pulled in right in front of me!"
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"Labasco. He's this guy your dad hates from high school."
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"K-Gable! Hey, Meatball!"
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"I can't hear a thing in my Benz."
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"With those Bose speakers playing,"
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"it sounds like Tony Bennett's in the back seat."
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"It's fine. I-I'll just find another place to park."
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"That way, you can kill a couple of birds with one stone."
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"Man, I hate that guy."
Kevin Can Wait
"All right, now, your mother and I got to talk to Father Philip,"
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"Yeah, um, 'cause that actually was the date"
Kevin Can Wait
"that we wanted to reserve for Kendra's wedding, so..."
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"Well, Father, I did kind of ask first."
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"and I kind of wiggled my fingers,"
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"You're not stealing our wedding date, okay?"
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"I didn't take your spot, Gable."
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"Okay. I was waiting for Mrs. Dooley."
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"I try every day to put others before me..."
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"Thank you, Kevin, but, guys, this is not a competition."
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"It's just that the thing is,"
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"our son-in-law's parents,"
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"they are traveling from England,"
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"I got peeps coming from Wichita."
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"Wichita."
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"I could ride a bike from Wichita, okay?"
Kevin Can Wait
"Well, then, we've got ourselves a situation, pork chop."
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"Well, then, maybe we do,"
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"I will get back to you."
Kevin Can Wait
"God bless you all. And everybody here at Saint Rocco's."
Kevin Can Wait
"at the parish picnic."
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"Unfortunately, he did shatter his knee,"
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"So if I can get someone to fill in,"
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"I'd really owe them."
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"It's also time for our annual mission trip."
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"to help the people there."
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"No, no, no, no, no!"
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"teach breastfeeding to first-time mothers?"
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"Now while you're busy taking off your blouse,"
Kevin Can Wait
"I'll be flipping and dishing out pancakes"
Kevin Can Wait
"all the way to my kid's wedding."
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"Hey, baby. I made you lunch."
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"From time to time, I like to give back."
Kevin Can Wait
"Since when?"
Kevin Can Wait
"for your wedding."
Kevin Can Wait
"Wait... "trying"? Is there a problem?"
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"And you know why?"
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"'Cause good things happen to good people,"
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"and we... We're good people."
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"Now, if Terry Labasco tries any crap today,"
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"Well, consider me locked, then."
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"Uh-oh!"
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"What is that I feel behind me?"
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"and, uh, I'll see you on the 17th."
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"Bye-bye, Chalie-puss!"
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"I'd say your parents aren't crazy about me."
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"Okay, maybe they're not 100% sold on you."
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"Sold on me? Well, you're the one doing the selling."
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"I mean, what are you telling them?"
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"Well, I've been hitting the law-school thing pretty hard,"
Kevin Can Wait
"but they really locked in on the pizza-waitress thing."
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"Well, look, at least my parents are in England,"
Kevin Can Wait
"so we just tap a button and they go away."
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"Just that you have to suffer a Skype for 30 seconds,"
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"They let you live here for free."
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"No one's said that to me in, like, over 12 minutes."
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"I just came in here to kiss you goodbye."
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"Oh, great. Well, let's tick that off your to-do list."
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"Fine!"
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"Oh, fireworks!"
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"Dimmer switch is installed."
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"Oh, a little late-night Bible reading,"
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"but you don't have enough light?"
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"Oh... Some older nuns visiting,"
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"not quite the lookers they once were."
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"Uh, Father, I noticed that the door was creaking,"
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"so I replaced the hinges,"
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"and you know what they sound like now?"
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"That."
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"The church appreciates all the work that you've done,"
Kevin Can Wait
"but I think maybe it's time we call it a day."
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"- Absolutely, Father. - I agree. I agree."
Kevin Can Wait
"Although, Father, I did notice a few marks on the floor."
Kevin Can Wait
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