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Clips from NewsRadio - Halloween (S03E03)

"Dole has a point about the moral bankruptcy of the mass media,"
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"Hey. Hey."
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"Pantyhose."
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"I mean, Dave, here could learn a thing or two from you."
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"I mean, if this isn't leadership by example,"
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"Nonetheless, I'm still in the dress--"
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"I can't believe I forgot my video camera."
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"[ALL CHUCKLE]"
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"Look at those dorks."
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"[CROWD CHEERS]"
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"BILL: Dave, come on up here. [CROWD CHEERS AND APPLAUDS]"
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"Show the people what you really look like, Dave."
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"[CROWD WHOOPS AND APPLAUDS] Exquisite!"
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"And the winner of best costume overall..."
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"Dorothy, show us what you..."
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"[CROWD CHEERS]"
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"Uh, he's in there."
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"Uh..."
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"They'll get you your paychecks out on the Thursday"
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"Okay, now, I talked to Payroll."
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"If you get your time sheets in on Tuesday,"
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"they can get you your paychecks--"
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"He's in there."
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"Where was I?"
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"BETH: Uh, you said somethin' about payroll, or--"
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"Right, yes, uh... the people in Payroll say"
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"if you get your time sheets in on Tuesday, they can--"
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"instead of the Friday."
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"So if you get your checks in on the--"
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"Thanks a lot. Is there any coffee around here, anywhere?"
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"Thanks. What's going on in there?"
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"I'm just getting together some last-minute entertainment"
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"Oh, hey!"
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"Yeah, I really have no idea what you're trying to say,"
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"The Jimmy James Incorporated Halloween party. It's tonight."
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"Excellent party. Open bar, lavish buffet,"
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"helicopter rides."
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"You know what? I won the costume contest last year."
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"I won third place."
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"Really? What was your costume?"
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"Gay biker."
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"The label on the costume"
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"clearly said "motorcycle enthusiast.""
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"Yeah, thanks, uh-- Thanks a lot, guys."
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"DAVE: Okay..."
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"Beth, would you stop tickling me, please?"
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"I'm not tickling you."
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"Yeah, except the mime wouldn't shut up."
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"What? I'm not tickling you."
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"[GIGGLING] Seriously, stop tickling me."
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"What...?"
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"Oh!"
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"Yeah, well, an open bar really rekindles"
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"Hey, where is the party this year?"
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"Oh, it's right upstairs."
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"The, uh, penthouse banquet room."
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"Didn't you get your invitation, Bill?"
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"You didn't get your invite because, uh..."
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"[LAUGHS]"
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"JIMMY: And neither are you."
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"Or you, or you, or you, or you."
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"In fact, nobody from WNYX is invited..."
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"except for my little... motorcycle enthusiast here."
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"Happy Halloween, everybody!"
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"uh, they say they can get you your-- Your-- Your--"
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"Standard, uh... Standard chimpanzee'll do just fine."
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"Huh?"
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"Oh, well-- Well, I-I want him there so people can, you know,"
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"pet him and take their picture with him,"
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"and maybe...wrestle a snake."
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"Huh? Hello?"
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"BOTH: Sir, why aren't you inviting"
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"I mean, these people work very hard for you."
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"Matthew doesn't work very hard."
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"Well, sir, when you're done with your zigzagging--"
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"Dave, I can handle this. JIMMY: Kids, kids, kids."
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"It's not about money."
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"See, every year I throw a wild Halloween party, right?"
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"Well, how exactly do they do that?"
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"Well, they-- They-- They don't get into the Halloween spirit."
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"or bob for apples"
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"or do my special, spooky version of the hokey-pokey."
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"But, sir, we wear costumes. Oh, yeah, right."
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"Like Joe, walking around on his tiptoes,"
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"That doesn't count."
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"That doesn't count as a costume."
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"What about Bill? Last year he went as Guy Without Socks."
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"[LAUGHING] Right."
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"I actually thought that was pretty funny."
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"I don't think I'm too cool for school."
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"No, they don't."
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"Well, no, no, no. Hats of any kind just emphasize"
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"how out of proportion my head is to the rest of my body."
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"DAVE: What? [JIMMY LAUGHS]"
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"No, I hate what I'm wearing. DAVE: You look terrific."
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"She's crazy. Oh, I know."
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"Yes? Can I help you?"
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"Mr. James hired me for his Halloween party."
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"JIMMY: That's me, honey."
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"Go right on up to, uh, 44."
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"Wait a minute."
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"Don't I-- Don't I know you?"
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"Oh, God! You're the psychic with the infomercial, right?"
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"That's right. [GASPS]"
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"Now, have you tried my special hotline?"
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"Well, like, a million times. I called it a million times"
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"till they blocked the 900 numbers, which is a total drag."
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"Yeah, well, a lot of offices are starting to do that now."
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"Oh, my God. That's amazing."
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"Come off it. That stuff is such a scam."
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"Oh..."
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"is stone-cold reality."
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"by a panel of experts, okay?"
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"And second, the tape's called:"
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"in the field of psychic...ismology."
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"Do you actually believe in fortune-telling, Bill?"
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"Yes, as did Socrates, Julius Caesar and Napoleon."
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"It is the wisest man who knows"
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"I know."
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"Now, just sit down."
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