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Clips from Family Guy - Short Cuts (S18E18)

"-You can't forbid that. -Yes, I can."
Family Guy
"That's the one thing men are allowed to control about women."
Family Guy
"That and your uterus and how much money you make"
Family Guy
"and also everything else."
Family Guy
"-Peter, that's stupid. -It's a fact, Lois."
Family Guy
"The only woman that's ever looked good"
Family Guy
"with short hair is Halle Berry's boobs."
Family Guy
"Establishing shot."
Family Guy
"-Peter, you can't... -Establishing shot!"
Family Guy
"We're here with local hero Brian Griffin,"
Family Guy
"who recently foiled a robbery at Goldman's Pharmacy,"
Family Guy
"by the CVS across the street."
Family Guy
"Welcome, Brian."
Family Guy
"So, what does it feel like to be a hero?"
Family Guy
"Well, let me say that even though I am a hero,"
Family Guy
"you don't have to call me one."
Family Guy
"I'm very comfortable with "first responder""
Family Guy
"or, if you like, "veteran.""
Family Guy
"So brave."
Family Guy
"How has this incident changed your life?"
Family Guy
"It hasn't. I'm still the same"
Family Guy
"humble public servant I've always been."
Family Guy
"But there are perks."
Family Guy
"This morning, I was honored by a local business."
Family Guy
"And to show our appreciation,"
Family Guy
"you get the first meal at Quahog's"
Family Guy
"Oh. No."
Family Guy
"(chuckles): No, no, no, no, no, no."
Family Guy
""Sizzler: the worst version of your favorite meal.""
Family Guy
"So, what's next for you, Brian?"
Family Guy
"Well, I'll be at Barnes & Noble this afternoon"
Family Guy
"signing copies of Deepak Chopra's"
Family Guy
"Seven Spiritual Laws of Success."
Family Guy
"Well, congratulations, Brian, and thank you for your service."
Family Guy
"when the new good-looking intern brings me my coffee."
Family Guy
"And here's Jeremy with my go-go juice."
Family Guy
"Ha-ha."
Family Guy
"-(phone dings) -Man, my phone's been"
Family Guy
"blowing up since that interview."
Family Guy
"You should hear some of my voice mails."
Family Guy
"MAN: Hello, Brian."
Family Guy
"This is Barack Obama,"
Family Guy
"not the hobo who lives at the wharf."
Family Guy
"Um, you did a good job and..."
Family Guy
"I-I can't read that."
Family Guy
"BRIAN: "I'm proud of you.""
Family Guy
"MAN: I'm proud of you."
Family Guy
"Thanks for the two dollars."
Family Guy
"(gasps) No way!"
Family Guy
"Let's hear the next message."
Family Guy
"MAN 2: Hey, Brian, it's, uh..."
Family Guy
"well, it's Shredder."
Family Guy
"I know it's been a while, but I saw you on TV"
Family Guy
"and I'm just hoping we could get together."
Family Guy
"I'd love to catch up."
Family Guy
"So, uh, uh, call me back."
Family Guy
"-Oh, my God! -"Shredder"?"
Family Guy
"He sounds like a ski instructor with a full beard"
Family Guy
"who plays average guitar and never texts me back."
Family Guy
"He's a dog I used to run with"
Family Guy
"back when I was living on the street."
Family Guy
"Haven't heard from him in years."
Family Guy
"I'm actually surprised he's still alive."
Family Guy
"He just drank all the time and tried to get laid."
Family Guy
"Hard to be friends with someone like that."
Family Guy
"Yes, it is."
Family Guy
"-You gonna see him? -(phone dings)"
Family Guy
"If I have time."
Family Guy
"Wow, The Rock!"
Family Guy
"Boy, they're coming out of the woodwork today."
Family Guy
""Dwayne Johnson.""
Family Guy
"Only his friends know that's his real name."
Family Guy
"-Still can't see it. -I'll call him back later."
Family Guy
"Ow!"
Family Guy
"I got my hair cut. Isn't it fun?"
Family Guy
"What?"
Family Guy
"No, Lois, it's not fun."
Family Guy
"You look like Anne Hathaway in Les Misera..."
Family Guy
"Don't you ever compare me to (bleep) Anne Hathaway."
Family Guy
"-Ever! -You're right, you're right."
Family Guy
"I'm-I'm sorry."
Family Guy
"With my boobs and your hair,"
Family Guy
"everybody's gonna think we're a lesbian couple."
Family Guy
"Why'd he want to meet in the park?"
Family Guy
"We used to live here. I'm assuming he still does."
Family Guy
"(helicopter blades whirring)"
Family Guy
"Brian, ha!"
Family Guy
"So good to see you."
Family Guy
"Wha... Shredder?"
Family Guy
"Is it really you?"
Family Guy
"It's really me."
Family Guy
"(chuckles) Yeah, sorry about meeting in the park."
Family Guy
"It's the only place I can land this thing."
Family Guy
"Uh, Shredder, I think you pinned"
Family Guy
"Tom Cruise under your helicopter."
Family Guy
"I was hanging on. I do all my own stunts."
Family Guy
"I can't stop doing stunts."
Family Guy
"My whole life is a stunt."
Family Guy
"Yeah, yeah, we know."
Family Guy
"(grunting)"
Family Guy
"Hey, you want to take a personality test?"
Family Guy
"Same answer as always: no, thank you."
Family Guy
"I'm not gonna stop asking."
Family Guy
"Good to see you, Tiny Tom Cruise."
Family Guy
"-Thank you. -He likes to have the last word."
Family Guy
"Be well!"
Family Guy
"-See? -Bye!"
Family Guy
"Shredder, I-I can't get my head around all this."
Family Guy
"Oh, okay, George."
Family Guy
"-You-you want me to say both? -I do."
Family Guy
"You know how Beyoncé does the one-name thing?"
Family Guy
"I do a two-name thing. It's one more than Beyoncé."
Family Guy
"Why don't you take her name out of your filthy whore mouth."
Family Guy
"Wow! How'd you get all this?"
Family Guy
"I worked my ass off."
Family Guy
"and I was the NBC executive who suggested"
Family Guy
"we assault the nation with Chicago-themed programming."
Family Guy
"Don't say it, Kramer."
Family Guy
"So, Brian, do you want to know how I did all this?"
Family Guy
"I really do."
Family Guy
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