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Clips from The Golden Girls - Break In (S01E01)

"So that takes care of two of us."
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"Oh, knock it off. Now, we'll take the basic security package, OK?"
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"- How much did you say it would be? - $600."
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"- Fine, we'll take it. - It's better than nothing, but not much."
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"What do you mean?"
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"For $600, you get a siren that your neighbors ignore."
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"But with our deluxe system, an armed guard is here within five minutes."
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"I want something that electrocutes an intruder."
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"How much more is the deluxe system?"
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"We're talking about the difference between being here in the morning,"
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"or being steak tartare."
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"- How much more? - A bit more."
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"- How much? - Exactly?"
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"- Yes. - $10,000."
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"I'd rather be murdered!"
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"I want a great, big wall safe."
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"You don't need one anymore. You got no jewelry."
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"I'll get it back. I went to the police today with some sketches I made."
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"Not of the robbers, of my mama's jewels."
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"- OK, OK, we're getting the basic system. - Whatever."
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"- But not from you. From your competitor. - What?"
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"Because what you were trying to do was terrify us"
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"into spending more money than we have."
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"Now get out of here, before the victim of violent crime in this house is you!"
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"- He scared me to death! - Oh, me, too."
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"He scared me too, but you want to know something?"
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"It could be worse. I mean, we could each be alone."
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"At least we're together. We have each other."
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"- It's better with men. - Oh, that's false security."
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"No, it's not. I was safer with Charles."
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"I was never once robbed or murdered when I was with Charles."
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"Yyou could have just as easily have been murdered living with Charles."
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"I'm surprised she wasn't murdered by Charles."
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"With George, when I'd hear a noise,"
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"I'd wake him up, and then he'd take out his gun."
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"Then he'd have to find the bullets, because I'd always hide the bullets."
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"And then, when he found the bullets, we'd make love."
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"Boy, can you tell a story."
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"I'm starved. Come on, let's make dinner."
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"Oh, I'm not really all that hungry."
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"- I forgot all about him. - Yeah, you go on in there."
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"- Getting a guard dog was your idea. - I'm afraid of large dogs."
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"When I was three, I was attacked by a cocker spaniel."
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"A cocker spaniel's not a large dog."
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"To a three-year-old it is."
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"We've got a guard dog in the kitchen. Great, the food is safe!"
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"I know what we can do."
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"Let's go out to dinner, my treat."
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"What about breakfast and lunch?"
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"Look, I'm calling the kennel to come get him."
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"I've got a date tonight and no jewelry to wear."
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"Some scum's woman is wearing my mama's jewelry."
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"I wonder if jewelry comes from Jewish people."
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"In Little Falls, the jewelry was Jewish."
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"Jeweler, Jewish... I wonder if there's a connection?"
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"I think there's a connection between your brain and wallpaper paste."
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"I don't know why people even have dogs at all."
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"I don't like anything in my house that doesn't know how to use the toilet."
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"- See ya. - Oh, no, Sophia!"
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"- No, Sophia! Dorothy! - Dorothy!"
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"- Dorothy! Oh! - What, what?"
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"- Oh, God, I don't know how to tell you... - What?"
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"- Oh, it's about your mother! - Ma?"
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"My God, the dog - I think he ate your mother."
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"- Ma! - Some attack dog."
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"He hid under the table, peed on the floor, and ran out the back."
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"Oh, give me that!"
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"I thought I was gonna die."
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"I swear, I have never felt such agony."
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"I saw my entire life flash before my eyes,"
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"and I thought, "What a shame if I die now. I'm too young. ""
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"And I'm wearing the wrong underwear."
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"Oh!"
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"Oh! Oh!"
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"I'm sorry, it's just me. I had to get in quickly"
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"'cause when I got out of the car, I noticed a swarthy man with a weapon."
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"- Swarthy man with a weapon? - What are you doing?"
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"Buenos dias. Fernando."
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"- I was running, he was blurred... - Ohh..."
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"- Oh, no! Blanche has been attacked! - Sort of."
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"Oh, honey, what happened, you poor darling?"
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"I went to the police station today to get an update on my case."
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"I borrowed your pocket hairspray. I took it from your dressing table."
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"You know what this humidity does to my hair."
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"I know - cotton candy."
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"Well, just as I entered the police station,"
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"I saw there was this cute officer there who's had his eye on me,"
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"so I took out your hairspray and gave my hair a final spritz."
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"Only, surprise, it wasn't hairspray."
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"It was mace."
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"You had mace. Your hairspray was mace."
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"I maced myself right there in the police station!"
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"I almost died. I fell to the floor blinded, writhing in pain."
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"Couldn't move for 20 minutes."
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"Well, what do you know? It works!"
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"Works? They thought I was on angel dust."
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"They wanted to arrest me!"
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"I'm lyin' there dyin' and they're harassing me."
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"Murderers are free, rapists are free,"
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"but a poor widow on the floor they try to lock up."
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"Who'd I hurt? Me?"
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"Now, look, Rose. This is it. We have had it!"
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"- No mace, no tear gas, no grenades! - No jewelry."
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"I won't be needing mace. I just bought a gun."
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"You don't know how to use a gun!"
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"The man at the gun store taught me."
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"In the basement, they've got a little shooting gallery,"
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"kind of like the ones at amusement parks."
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"Except no prizes. And you shoot at little paper targets."
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"- Honey, there are no holes in it. - I know!"
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"That's because they're all in your head."
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"Now, listen. I cannot live in a house with a gun."
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"Dorothy, don't overreact. Rose, good."
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"- You get a gun, you kill 'em! - Yeah."
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"Kill 'em. We'll have a dead gardener."
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"Now, listen, Rose, this has gone too far. You are going overboard."
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"Now, I think you need to see someone."
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"Dorothy, I don't think a date is necessarily the answer."
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"I meant a psychiatrist, hot pants."
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"Now, what do you say, Rose?"
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