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Clips from Frasier - Ham Radio (S04E04)

"Hey, doc. Need one more for your play?"
Frasier
"- to promote it on your show. - Actually, I wasn't talking about me."
Frasier
"Oh, wait a minute. She does."
Frasier
"Well, we do still have the part of the maid. She only has one line."
Frasier
"- Does it have any big words? - No, it's simple."
Frasier
"Maxine could knock that line right out of the park."
Frasier
"Well, okay, but you have to agree to play a part too."
Frasier
"We still need someone for the sinister silk merchant."
Frasier
"- on my way home from work. - It's radio."
Frasier
"- Well, we're getting there. - Except for the lead."
Frasier
"I haven't found anyone remotely qualified"
Frasier
"to play a wily old Scotland Yard inspector."
Frasier
"You may be right. I may have to bite the bullet."
Frasier
"- Take on the part myself. - Excuse me, Dr. Crane."
Frasier
"Is it too late to read for the role of the inspector?"
Frasier
"I'm afraid the part has already been cast."
Frasier
"- Come on in. - Hi, Daphne."
Frasier
"- our man of a thousand voices. - Oh, it's a huge pleasure."
Frasier
"Mel is going to play Hans, the German butler, both McCallister sisters,"
Frasier
"Just so they don't all talk at once."
Frasier
"- Hold it. Bulldog, where's Maxine? - She's home with food poisoning."
Frasier
"It's nothing serious. I think she just wrestled in some bad Jell-O."
Frasier
"Well, never mind."
Frasier
"She just has one line, anyway. "Look out! He's got a gun.""
Frasier
"You think you-- You might be up to that this evening, Daphne?"
Frasier
"- Oh, I'll try. - Good."
Frasier
"Frasier, one of Nigel's lines seems to be missing."
Frasier
"Yes, I had to cut the play by 20 minutes, Gil."
Frasier
"Saying "gesundheit" after the butler sneezes?"
Frasier
"It shows he's a caring person."
Frasier
"As long as I still have that delicious speech about my boyhood in Surrey."
Frasier
"- Yes, that's still in. - "Romping with my school chums"
Frasier
"All right, now, I fear we may be running just a bit long still."
Frasier
"So I've asked Daphne to time us this evening,"
Frasier
"so I'm gonna have Daphne read those directions as well."
Frasier
"All right. Start the watch. Stage direction."
Frasier
"- "Sound of door opening." - Inspector, thank God you've come."
Frasier
"Roz, I have a line here that says, "When she opened her lips,"
Frasier
"I caught a hint of some exotic accent.""
Frasier
"Okay, and..."
Frasier
""Sound of door closing.""
Frasier
"That's easy for you to say,"
Frasier
"but my job is to suspect everyone. Please introduce me to your guests."
Frasier
"- What's your problem? - "Wang"?"
Frasier
"You gotta give me another name. I'll crack up every time I hear that."
Frasier
"All right. All right."
Frasier
"How about "Wing"? All right? That's a great old Chinese name."
Frasier
"All right, everybody, change Wang to Wing in your scripts."
Frasier
"Sound of people changing Wangs to Wings."
Frasier
"From your line. Start."
Frasier
"This is the silk merchant, Mr. Wing."
Frasier
"Oh, me no lookee. Me go beddy-bye, chop-chop."
Frasier
"- You can't say that. - It's all right."
Frasier
"Stop."
Frasier
"You know, that's wonderful, Mel..."
Frasier
"...but he sounds to me just a bit more Austrian than German."
Frasier
"All right, everyone."
Frasier
"From the beginning once again. Now, this time, please, people, dig in,"
Frasier
"and try to find the reality."
Frasier
"From the dwarf's entrance."
Frasier
"And so the case was closed."
Frasier
"to Nightmare Inn."
Frasier
"Stop. Time?"
Frasier
"- That's 32 minutes, 40 seconds. - Damn!"
Frasier
"- Again? We did this four times! - We'll do it till I'm completely satisfied."
Frasier
"Oh?"
Frasier
"I see."
Frasier
"You also told me that my gamekeeper sounded too cultured,"
Frasier
"Let me try Hans again and tell me how my German is sounding."
Frasier
"I quit! - Well, oh, wait! You can't--"
Frasier
"Oh, yeah, right. We're supposed to do this thing tomorrow night."
Frasier
"Where are you gonna find an idiot"
Frasier
"willing to take six dialect parts unrehearsed?"
Frasier
"The sound of ominous organ music indicating trouble ahead."
Frasier
"Oh, there's your brother."
Frasier
"Actually, he doesn't know about it yet."
Frasier
"Frasier. You were going to messenger the script to me"
Frasier
"until the last minute. But not to worry, your natural talent"
Frasier
"will carry you through. All right, look, take a look at this."
Frasier
"Noel will give us a demonstration"
Frasier
"of the sound effects. What have you got?"
Frasier
"This is my door sound, my thunder screen,"
Frasier
"- Oh, yes. - That's great."
Frasier
"I've also got a gravel box, bells, a rain stick and coffee thermos."
Frasier
"- What does that do? - Keeps my coffee warm."
Frasier
"- Everybody, this is Maxine. - Oh, hello, Maxine. Welcome."
Frasier
"Hi. I need a quiet place to work on my part."
Frasier
"Why don't you go up here in the booth."
Frasier
"Bulldog?"
Frasier
"Work on her part? It's just one line."
Frasier
"It begins with a "dis." Dis, dis--?"
Frasier
"Distemper?"
Frasier
"- And you tell me that now. - No, no. Hey, she'll be great."
Frasier
"I've got some serious butterflies going here."
Frasier
"Yeah, but that's me being me. This is acting. It's-- It's scary."
Frasier
"butterflies in the stomach,"
Frasier
"sweaty palms, scratchy throat, pounding heart."
Frasier
"- I suppose you have all of those. - I do now."
Frasier
"Sorry I'm late, Frasier. I just spent two hours in the dentist's chair."
Frasier
"Novocaine. He said it would wear off by now."
Frasier
"Dear God. We've got 60 seconds."
Frasier
"Don't worry, I'll cue you as we go along."
Frasier
"- Shouldn't I prepare a little? - Now, listen,"
Frasier
"What was it the Yale Daily News said about your Tartuffe?"
Frasier
"the charm of Danny Kaye and the range of Laurence Olivier."
Frasier
"All right, everyone. Places, please."
Frasier
"Good evening. This is Frasier Crane"
Frasier
"I already know the plot, but I'll try not to blurt out the name of the murderer."
Frasier
"Great. As a cop, I hated it when people did that."
Frasier
"In all my years at the Yard,"
Frasier
"The door was answered by Miss Carlotta Thorndyke."
Frasier
"I caught a hint of some exotic accent."
Frasier
"Inspector-- Ow."
Frasier
"I can't believe any of my guests could be a multiple murderer."
Frasier
"But my job is to suspect everybody."
Frasier
"No, no. Never mind. I know your guests by reputation."
Frasier
"Did you witness anything suspicious, Wing?"
Frasier
"Of course, the inscrutable and mute Mr. Wing..."
Frasier
"...who..."
Frasier
"...wears a bell on his hat."
Frasier
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