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Clips from South Park - Do the Handicapped Go to Hell? (S04E04)

"I'm going down to South Park Gonna have myself a time"
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"I tell him all my problems and sometimes he tells me his"
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"- Amen - Amen"
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"Boring."
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""A very present help in trouble. " M'kay."
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""This sort of penetration will increase"
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""It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation"
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"For eternity."
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"Once you are in Hell, you cannot escape."
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"And he will be your ruler, your ruler of pain and agony."
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"The hookie, hookie, hookie, hookie hookie-lau"
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"Where the lau lau is the cau cau at the luau"
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"All the ama ama come swimming to me"
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"The hookie, hookie, hookie, hookie hookie-lau"
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"Where the lau lau is the cau cau at the luau"
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"Oh, I'd love to, Mr. Matthau, but I can't."
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"Saddam."
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"- Did you miss me, buttercup? - No, it can't be. You're dead."
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"- I killed you. - Yeah, you killed me. So?"
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"Hell awaits all sinners and all who do not accept Christ."
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"That is all. Peace be with you."
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"Well, that was quite an uplifting sermon."
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"- Yeah. - Mom, we're staying for Sunday school."
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"- What? - We have to go to Sunday school"
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"Oh, now look at that. They're scared to death."
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"from the wretched lake of fire."
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"Come on, guy, just let me in so we can talk."
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"Is that the movers, Satan?"
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"- Okay, Chris. - Satan, look."
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"I know that. I was too busy trying to take over the world"
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"Hello, children. I'm Sister Anne."
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"Are we gonna go to Hell?"
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"Well, hopefully not. That's why you're gonna need to receive communion."
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"And as long as we get this communion thing, we're safe?"
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"In the book of Mark, Jesus distributed bread,"
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"But now we can have communion and not go to Hell, right?"
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"- You have to have your first confession. - Confession?"
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"and confessing all your sins so that God can forgive you."
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"so that you can tell the priest everything."
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"- What's up? - Well, Chris..."
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"He showed up spouting all kinds of things about how he's changed"
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"I think we should all get together and just talk like adults."
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"- What? - We're all grown men here, Satan."
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"- I wanna just go meet this guy. - No, Chris, you don't understand."
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"we held that little first-grader down and farted on him for 28 minutes."
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"Right, I already got that one."
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"- Hey, dudes. What are you doing? - We're trying to remember all our sins."
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"- No! - Dude, he's Jewish."
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"I'm gonna go ask my mom."
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"Yeah. It's like Chris is so perfect in every way."
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"that I'm much more attracted to."
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"Yeah, you're right. Saddam would just treat me bad again."
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"If I don't see Saddam, then I won't have such strong feelings for him."
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"Thanks, guys."
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"- There you are. - Oh, hi, Chris."
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"I have to tell you something that might make you a little mad."
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"What?"
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"If he sees that I'm a real person, too,"
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"then maybe he'll see how happy we are together."
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"- How was it? - Oh, dude, you screwed me up."
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"The guy in there said I have to say 54 Hail Marys."
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"Well, here goes everything."
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"Blessed art thou, child. Now, what do you have to confess?"
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"But our friend Timmy can't really talk. All he can do is say his own name."
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"And that was about everything from first grade. Then last year... Well..."
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"You can't tell anybody about this stuff, right?"
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"Okay. Because last year,"
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"Oh. Well..."
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"No, but I'm not finished yet."
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"put it between my butt cheeks,"
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"- I see. - Yeah, and then this other time,"
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"I went pee-pee in the holy water thing,"
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"for about a week."
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"and I went number two on the sidewalk and then told Officer Barbrady"
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"for not cleaning it up."
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"Father, I need to talk to you. Father, I have to ask you a question."
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"Okay. Okay, fine."
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"I felt it, you guys. I felt the angry hands of God."
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"We all have to start taking this very seriously."
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"Oh, hello. You must be Saddam Hussein."
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"Thanks for inviting me to dinner, guy. Here, I brought you a potato."
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"and eat crackers, I'm gonna go to Hell."
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"Yeah, but if they're wrong, no big deal. If we're wrong, we burn in Hell."
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"Oh, no."
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"You see, Christians use Hell"
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"as a way to scare people into believing what they believe."
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"But to believe in something"
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"just because you're afraid of the consequences"
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"I'm going down to that church to confess my sins and eat crackers."
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"- Almost took over the world once. - Yeah, those were the days, boy."
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"Oh, isn't that fascinating?"
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"And I know that Satan and my relationship is strong enough"
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"Father, these boys are really worried,"
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"- Because they think they have to... - They should be worried."
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"- Yes, but... - Mr. Father!"
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"I hope to see all of you in church this Sunday."
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"then what the hell do you go to Hell for?"
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"- Okay, come on. - Timmy!"
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"Well, I don't know about you guys, but all that ginger made me tired."
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"Yeah, I guess I should be getting back."
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"- Good. I'll show you out. - Nice to meet you, Saddam."
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"Having stability in your life is a great thing. You should try it."
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"I know you won't, but just keep it, just in case."
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"Hello, Your Excellency?"
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"And I just wanted to see what the church thinks"
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"about Jews and the mentally handicapped."
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"Hello, His Holiness. I want to ask you about people with mental disabilities."
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"Us, too. We saw a picture of a naked lady."
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"We gotta get to that church before we die."
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"I'm a bad boy. Yeah. Take that."
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"- But it turns you on. - When Saddam did it, yeah, but..."
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"I... I understand. I do."
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"I just need to go get some air, okay? I'll be back really quick."
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"Yeah, sure. Okay."
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"- Oh, no, it's locked. - What? No. It can't be locked."
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"What the..."
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"No. I can't."
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"I can't do this."
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""If thy hand offend thee, cut it off."
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""It is much better for thee to enter into life...""
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