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Clips from South Park - Weight Gain 4000 (S01E01)

"We could've won that talent show."
South Park
"- Knock, knock, Mr. Hat. - Who's there?"
South Park
"- Orange. - Orange who?"
South Park
"Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"
South Park
"Wow, Mr. Hat. Looks like we might win."
South Park
"And now, our last talent-show finalist..."
South Park
"...Kathie Lee Epstein."
South Park
"It wasn't fair. She had choreography. How could we compete with that?"
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"But she's coming to South Park, and I know how to make it better."
South Park
"How?"
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"...kill Kathie Lee Gifford."
South Park
"...will be here to present the award to some kid for an essay."
South Park
"I'm going to have you luscious youngsters..."
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"...do a play about the history of South Park."
South Park
"That's wonderful, right, Mr. Hat?"
South Park
"- Kill her! - Mr. Hat!"
South Park
"Mr. Garrison, I'm asking you to direct our play."
South Park
"That's perfect."
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"You see, Mr. Hat, we don't have to kill her. We can upstage her."
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"You might want to review the essays. We think Cartman cheated."
South Park
"Who cares? Now, kids, what's say we give it our South Park best!"
South Park
"- Who's our little prizewinner again? - Me, Eric Cartman!"
South Park
"How about we get in shape? We want to look our best on TV, don't we?"
South Park
"Yes, ma'am."
South Park
"I'm gonna be on television I'm gonna be on television"
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"I'm gonna be on television I'm gonna be on television"
South Park
"We don't believe you won that contest fairly, fat boy."
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"- Dolphins are intelligent and friendly. - Intelligent and friendly on rye bread."
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"- Dolphins are smarter than you. - Then why do they live in igloos?"
South Park
"- That's not dolphins. That's Eskimos! - Who cares?"
South Park
"- It's tree-hugging hippie crap. - Tell me what you wrote!"
South Park
"I can't. I have to go home and get in shape!"
South Park
"Yeah, right! You'll go watch TV and eat Cheesy Poofs, ass-master."
South Park
"Screw you, hippie!"
South Park
"We'll be right back to Jesus and Pals after this."
South Park
"Then bulk up quick with Weight Gain 4000!"
South Park
"Over 4000 grams of saturated fat per serving. Its formula is designed..."
South Park
"...to go to the stomach, where it is distributed to the blood!"
South Park
"Now available at stores everywhere."
South Park
"- Say it with me, "Beefcake!" - Beefcake."
South Park
"- Beefcake! - Beefcake!"
South Park
"May cause irreversible damage to kidneys and liver."
South Park
"But, Mom, I need it for tomorrow!"
South Park
"But tomorrow is grocery day, Eric."
South Park
"Mom!"
South Park
"- What? You've got to weigh 90 pounds! - I'm up to 94, thank you very much."
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"Yeah, they're almost as big as his mom's!"
South Park
"Laugh all you want! I'll be the one on TV looking all buff."
South Park
"- What's that stuff? - Weight Gain 4000. It's bulking me up."
South Park
"- Bulk up to what? Fat-ass? - Super fat-ass?"
South Park
"Hey, I don't have to take that kind of crap from you scrawny weaklings!"
South Park
"Sweet, check me out. I'm such a beefcake I can't get through the door."
South Park
"Well, Mr. Garrison, how is the little play going?"
South Park
"Fine. We were just about to run it from the top."
South Park
"Oh, please do. I'm dying to see it."
South Park
"All the little pioneers on this side of the stage."
South Park
"All the little Indians to the center of the stage."
South Park
"- Am I an Indian or a pioneer? - You have a feather on your head?"
South Park
"Bebe, this is your line."
South Park
"This is the story of South Park."
South Park
"It begins over 1 00 years ago..."
South Park
"...when the noble and hearty Ute Indians lived on the land."
South Park
"Oh, don't they look adorable?"
South Park
"Then from the East came the great white pioneers."
South Park
"- Oh, my God! - They did it better this morning."
South Park
"They had more energy."
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"...and negotiated for their fertile lands."
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"We cannot have our children beating each other in front of Kathie Lee!"
South Park
"What do you want? This is how it happened."
South Park
"Mr. Garrison, I am dismissing you from directing our play."
South Park
"It happened again, didn't it? Now we do things my way."
South Park
"I can't kill her, Mr. Hat."
South Park
"You're gonna have to do it."
South Park
"- Cartman, talk about wide load. - I'm starting to fill out nicely."
South Park
"I'm not fat, I'm getting in shape!"
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"You're such a fat-ass, when you walk around, people go:"
South Park
""Goddamn, that's a big fat-ass!""
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"Goddamn, that's a big fat-ass!"
South Park
"- Hi, guys. - Oh, look, another hippie."
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"- Peace, Wendy. - Shut up, Cartman!"
South Park
"Two little hippies sitting in a tree"
South Park
"I'll find Cartman's paper and get to the bottom of this."
South Park
"- Can I help you? - Yes. I need a gun."
South Park
"Would this be for hunting, protection or other?"
South Park
"- Other. - Alrighty then."
South Park
"May I suggest a Stratford 1 2 mm? Go ahead. Try it on!"
South Park
"That looks nice on you. The lacquered black matches your eyes."
South Park
"- I don't know, it's a little small. - Okay. How about this?"
South Park
"You talking to me? I don't like this one either."
South Park
"Here's the same gun with a wood finish."
South Park
"You talking to me?!"
South Park
"I don't see anybody else here, so you must be talking to me."
South Park
"Hello?"
South Park
"When I wrote the following pages, or rather the bulk of them..."
South Park
"...I lived alone in the woods on the shore of...""
South Park
"Mr. Hat, old Kathie Lee really will be surprised when she gets here tomorrow."
South Park
"She beat us in the talent show all those years ago."
South Park
"I think we owe her for that."
South Park
"- Hello, Officer Barbrady. - Nice gun."
South Park
"Is there somewhere in town I can get a good, clear shot...? View of Kathie Lee?"
South Park
"That might do quite nicely. Thank you, Officer Barbrady."
South Park
"No problem."
South Park
"Caught you red-handed! No pictures of Kathie Lee!"
South Park
"Where is she?"
South Park
"This is sweet. Camera crews are setting up, and I look totally ripped."
South Park
"- Beefcake. Beefcake! - They won't get all of you in frame."
South Park
"- Guys, we have to stop him! - Stop who?"
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"He's got a gun!"
South Park
"You gotta get over this jealousy thing."
South Park
"Seriously, just face it. I wrote a better paper than you."
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"It just so happens that I have your paper, and I know why you won."
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"There's something more important now."
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"We're losing him."
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"Damn, I'm not the only one who's thought of killing her."
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"We love you, Kathie Lee!"
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"We love you too."
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"Come on, you little bitch."
South Park
"You've gotta leave your precious bubble sometime."
South Park
"It is with great pride and honor that I'd like to welcome..."
South Park
"And now our very own South Park Elementary chef..."
South Park
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