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Clips from South Park - Weight Gain 4000 (S01E01)

"That makes him as heavy as Sally Struthers."
South Park
"How do you create a show like South Park and remain pure and wholesome?"
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"I hate those things!"
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"- What the hell are you talking about? - Rainbows. I hate those things."
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"- What were you talking about? - Nothing, forget it."
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"Children, remember the Save Our Fragile Planet essay contest..."
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"Wow, I knew I would win."
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"The winner of the national Save Our Fragile Planet contest is:"
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"Congratulations on writing the winning paper."
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"Kick ass!"
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"- Wow! What did you write about? - You know, this and that."
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"You shouldn't have written about dolphins. Dolphins are stupid."
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"Kathie Lee is coming here?"
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"Kathie Lee Gifford. I don't believe it."
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"Kathie Lee loves children."
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"Kathie Lee is a beautiful, sultry queen of sexual fantasy."
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"Thank you."
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"No, Mr. Hat! I couldn't..."
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"Children, as you all know, Mrs. Kathie Lee Gifford..."
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"Stop defending your girlfriend for writing about stupid fish."
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"Need to get in shape fast? Wanna look your best?"
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"Mom, can you get me some Weight Gain 4000?"
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"Okay, Eric. I'll get you some tomorrow."
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"Okay, okay. Well, I guess I'll be going to the store now, then."
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"I have a nice body, and I wanna show it off!"
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"Hang up the lights, string up the banners, castrate the cows!"
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"- Yes. - Then you're an Indian."
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"The pioneers met with the Indians..."
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"Take that, you stupid Indian!"
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"No, you're not. You're fatter than ever!"
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"No, they don't, you jealous weakling!"
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"You talking to me? You talking to me?"
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""My essay, by Eric Cartman."
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"I think the book depository would be a good bet."
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"You've got to prioritize. What's more important:"
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"Being on TV or some stupid assassination?"
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"Stan, I can't do it alone. Please?"
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"Here she comes!"
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"...Mrs. Kathie Lee Gifford to South Park!"
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"What?!"
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"Mr. Garrison is about to kill Kathie Lee! We have to find him!"
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"Book depository. Depository."
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"Cartman, goddamn it!"
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"Mr. Garrison! Stop!"
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"- Eric, would you please come up here? - Here it is, my big moment of fame."
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"...with Thoreau's name crossed out and Cartman's name written in its place."
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"I would have, if it weren't for those meddling kids."
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"Not Cartman. He gets to be on TV anyway."
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"And now, a fireside chat with the creators of South Park:"
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"Matt Stone and Trey Parker."
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"- Oh, hello. I'm Trey Parker. - I'm Matt Stone."
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"This here's old Scratch. Say hi, old fella."
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"This episode is called "Weight Gain 4000." It's our favorite episode."
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"Kathie Lee Gifford comes to South Park..."
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"...and Eric Cartman beefs himself up for the big day."
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"How much weight does Cartman gain in this episode?"
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"After Cartman eats Weight Gain 4000, he gains 700 pounds."
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"Has Kathie Lee Gifford offended you? Was she flattered by her depiction?"
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"We don't really care. We think she's a fu..."
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"Very wonderful woman. Both Trey and I really respect her work with Regis."
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"Guns and bullets seem to be a recurring theme."
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"I would never kill somebody, unless they pissed me off."
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"Why do you keep killing Kenny? What did he do to you?"
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"Kenny is definitely our favorite character."
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"But we have to kill him every episode. This is one of our favorite deaths."
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"Everyone thinks that to do South Park, we must be wild rock stars..."
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"...but we're wholesome Middle American guys."
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"We enjoy soda pop, baseball and beating up old people as much as anybody."
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"So, now sit back, relax and enjoy "Weight Gain 4000.""
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"Weight Gain 4000"
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"- Did you see that rainbow this morning? - It was huge."
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"- Nobody hates rainbows. - What's there to hate about them?"
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"Well, you'll be minding your business and they'll come marching in..."
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"And you'll be all like, "Hey, get out of my ass, you stupid rainbows!""
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"Rainbows are those arches of color that show up when it rains."
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"What crawls up your leg and bites the inside of your ass?"
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"Nothing!"
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"...that you worked so hard on last month?"
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"One of our very own South Park students has won the national prize."
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"- Mr. Garrison, this sure is exciting. - Right, Mr. Hat."
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"Eric Cartman."
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"- What?! - What?!"
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"Cartman doesn't know a rain forest from a Pop-Tart."
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"Yeah, I do. Pop-Tarts are frosted."
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"Out of over a million papers, Eric's was chosen as the winner."
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"- He doesn't know what he wrote. - What was your paper about?"
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"It was on the suffering of bottle-nosed dolphins."
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"Dude, dolphins are the second smartest animal on the planet."
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"Right. If they're so damn smart, how come they get caught in fishing nets?"
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"- What? - Wait, there's more."
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"It says here that Eric's trophy will be presented to him by..."
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"...Kathie Lee Gifford?"
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"The presentation will be on television."
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"Television?"
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"Kathie Lee Gifford in South Park!"
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"Oh, my God! This is our chance to make a name for ourselves..."
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"...to show we're not some pissant mountain town."
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"It's a chance for you to get publicity."
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"If I can show how much I turned South Park around, I could become a senator!"
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"- Maybe even a state senator! - Let's decorate the town square."
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"We should have the chef of the school sing and show our ethnic diversity."
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"That's right! He's a black guy, isn't he?"
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"Black as the night."
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"Yes! And we can have the children of South Park put on a play."
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"If they're working in a sweatshop, that is."
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"Thank you."
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"You guys, guess what?"
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"Hitler was famous too."
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"- Hello, children. - Hey, Chef."
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"- How are my little crackers? - Good."
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"Did you hear? Kathie Lee Gifford is coming to South Park!"
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"Because Cartman cheated and won the essay contest."
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"- Are you gonna do it? - Of course."
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"If I sing to her, maybe I can lure her into a night of exotic delectation."
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"Yeah, that'd be cool!"
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"Well, three times bigger than Frank Gifford's, anyway."
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"I can't concentrate on grading papers with all this excitement."
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"Why are you looking at me like that?"
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"Have you forgotten the pain and suffering Kathie Lee caused you?"
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"Mr. Hat, that was a long time ago, and I was only a child."
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