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Clips from Community (2009) - Introduction to Statistics (S01E01)

"I know I'm not Batman. You could try not being a jerk."
Community (2009)
"She's pretty hot."
Community (2009)
"- Where were we, little doggie? - Unseemly."
Community (2009)
"Crap."
Community (2009)
"This is professor Robin Hood's."
Community (2009)
"- What you doing? - Putting this hose in her desk,"
Community (2009)
"- and you going to turn the water on. - Why?"
Community (2009)
"To teach that long-neck"
Community (2009)
"That's why."
Community (2009)
"I have a confession to make."
Community (2009)
"I think some of what I just said may have more to do with my situation."
Community (2009)
"The long-neck, weave-having bank teller didn't feel universal."
Community (2009)
"My ex-husband came by this morning,"
Community (2009)
"and he asked for his ring back."
Community (2009)
"It was his mother's, he wants to give it to his new girlfriend."
Community (2009)
"Shirley, that sucks."
Community (2009)
"Best thing ever happened to me was him leaving."
Community (2009)
"I always thought he'd come crawling back,"
Community (2009)
"He couldn't even give me that."
Community (2009)
"- You know what the crazy thing is? - Everything you've done tonight?"
Community (2009)
"It's like I was too proud to admit I was hurt,"
Community (2009)
"so I had to pretend that you were."
Community (2009)
"I totally get that."
Community (2009)
"I feel better now."
Community (2009)
"Let's go check on Annie."
Community (2009)
"Can you believe I targeted this poor lady?"
Community (2009)
"Look at all these awards. I bet she's nice."
Community (2009)
"Nice and pretentious."
Community (2009)
"Pierce, are you okay?"
Community (2009)
"What's going on?"
Community (2009)
"You have a full-on erection."
Community (2009)
"Just relax, okay?"
Community (2009)
"You are too old to be tripping!"
Community (2009)
"You are too old to be tripping."
Community (2009)
"Tell me about the Beatles, Pierce."
Community (2009)
"Tell me about Woodstock and Sputnik."
Community (2009)
"- Because someone just struck out. - She blew you off too, Chang."
Community (2009)
"Is that what you had to fall back on?"
Community (2009)
"Look at me, bro. Look at me."
Community (2009)
"I've got the body of a fifth grader, okay?"
Community (2009)
"If I was working with what you've got,"
Community (2009)
"she'd be at the comfort inn right now giving me a Mexican Halloween."
Community (2009)
"- I got no moves anymore. - Moves?"
Community (2009)
"Everything's a game to guys like you."
Community (2009)
"I know one move I bet you've never tried in your life."
Community (2009)
"Please sleep with me. Please."
Community (2009)
"Pretty please. I'm so lonely."
Community (2009)
"I haven't slept in a very long time, and you are so good looking."
Community (2009)
"Please do me the favor of having sex with me."
Community (2009)
"Stay three steps behind and promise you won't tell anybody."
Community (2009)
"I promise."
Community (2009)
"I promise."
Community (2009)
"Everybody, stay out of the library."
Community (2009)
"Pierce, it's okay."
Community (2009)
"Come out of there."
Community (2009)
"- No, I'm not ready to die! - You're not gonna die!"
Community (2009)
"Just keep walking. Don't make eye contact."
Community (2009)
"He's freaking out. You're the only one who can help."
Community (2009)
"- What makes you think that? - Is Jeff out there?"
Community (2009)
"- He's the only one who can help. - He says he's gonna kill himself,"
Community (2009)
"but he doesn't want us to call 911,"
Community (2009)
"cause he doesn't want to get in trouble for taking drugs."
Community (2009)
"I can't believe I'm doing this."
Community (2009)
"I have to say goodnight."
Community (2009)
"Are you a court-appointed guardian for these people?"
Community (2009)
"They're my classmates."
Community (2009)
"Goodnight, Jeff."
Community (2009)
"I'm gonna crush myself to death"
Community (2009)
"with desks and tables, Jeff!"
Community (2009)
"Is that a death befitting a beastmaster?"
Community (2009)
"I never saw Beastmaster. I just wanted to be cool."
Community (2009)
"I'm coming in there."
Community (2009)
"Those floating Mexican skeletons were right."
Community (2009)
"My life is over."
Community (2009)
"When we go to floating skeletons with our problems,"
Community (2009)
"we get what we pay for, don't we?"
Community (2009)
"but I know in the last two months,"
Community (2009)
"you've probably doubled the national average"
Community (2009)
"for amount of life lived per lifetime."
Community (2009)
"Well, I do have a young, African-American friend."
Community (2009)
"If life is just a series of ridiculous attempts to be alive,"
Community (2009)
"you're a hero to everything that's ever lived."
Community (2009)
"Batman?"
Community (2009)
"Are you staying for the party?"
Community (2009)
"If I stay,"
Community (2009)
"there can be no party."
Community (2009)
"I must be out there in the night, staying vigilant."
Community (2009)
"Wherever a party needs to be saved,"
Community (2009)
"I'm there."
Community (2009)
"I'm there."
Community (2009)
"staying vigilant, watching,"
Community (2009)
"lurking, running, jumping, hurtling,"
Community (2009)
"sleeping..."
Community (2009)
"I'm awake."
Community (2009)
"I don't sleep. I don't blink."
Community (2009)
"Am I a bird?"
Community (2009)
"I'm a bat."
Community (2009)
"- That's Batman."
Community (2009)
"Candy corn looks like tiny traffic cones."
Community (2009)
"- Yeah, it sure does. - At, like, a candy traffic school."
Community (2009)
"A little gingerbread man at the wheel, and he's drunk."
Community (2009)
"Look out. You'd be driving,"
Community (2009)
"But you keep wanting to eat yourself."
Community (2009)
"- All day. - That's one of my biggest fears."
Community (2009)
"- What is? - If I ever woke up as a donut."
Community (2009)
"- You would eat yourself? - I wouldn't even question it."
Community (2009)
"That'd be tasty."
Community (2009)
"It's cool to know other people think about this stuff too."
Community (2009)
"I don't wannabe at a dead horse here,"
Community (2009)
"and it is achieving results."
Community (2009)
"I think"
Community (2009)
"you dressed like a gladiator in a fort that you built during a bad trip."
Community (2009)
"What in the Pink Floyd?"
Community (2009)
"I am Batman."
Community (2009)
"Or am I?"
Community (2009)
"I think we can begin."
Community (2009)
"I'm barely a student. I'm older than you."
Community (2009)
"It's this campus. It feeds on my coolness."
Community (2009)
"But sometimes I'm not, cause I'm out in the night,"
Community (2009)
"Wherever there are masks, Wherever there's tomfoolery and joy,"
Community (2009)