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Clips from The Odd Couple - The Audit Couple (S01E01)

"Somebody's got it out for me."
The Odd Couple
"Me."
The Odd Couple
"Show him your folding trick."
The Odd Couple
"I'm not in the mood for your sheet right now."
The Odd Couple
"You know what, I made a cherry pie; get yourself a piece."
The Odd Couple
"I don't understand why the IRS would call me in."
The Odd Couple
"My tax return is above reproach."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, it's a case."
The Odd Couple
"as you vultures persecute the innocent,"
The Odd Couple
"and fudging receipts, and no one looks at him twice."
The Odd Couple
"I was actually thinking about my roommate."
The Odd Couple
"I keep saying to him, "One of these days,"
The Odd Couple
"they're gonna get you, Oscar Madison!""
The Odd Couple
"Okay, found your return."
The Odd Couple
"You just forgot to sign it."
The Odd Couple
"I have no choice but to clear my conscience."
The Odd Couple
"Oscar?"
The Odd Couple
"What?"
The Odd Couple
"Did we discuss business at Cafe Bistro?"
The Odd Couple
"Yeah, that's where we negotiated your last contract."
The Odd Couple
"while enjoying drinks and exotic dances at The Jiffy Boob?"
The Odd Couple
"She keeps leaving gym memberships under my pillow."
The Odd Couple
"but this... this was my Everest."
The Odd Couple
"who still feel good about themselves."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, it's so nice to see you two back together again."
The Odd Couple
"can I get them back?"
The Odd Couple
"Audits happen for lots of reasons."
The Odd Couple
"You think the IRS just randomly chose his name?"
The Odd Couple
"I hate myself, forget it."
The Odd Couple
"to get his heart started again."
The Odd Couple
"You need to just rip off your clothes, yell, "Clear!""
The Odd Couple
"and just tell him that I've developed feelings."
The Odd Couple
"Sorry, it's been a while."
The Odd Couple
"Do you have an apartment that doesn't contain"
The Odd Couple
"I do, actually."
The Odd Couple
"Maybe I could meet you after work, and we could make dinner."
The Odd Couple
"none of this would be happening."
The Odd Couple
"Okay."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, I was making myself sick."
The Odd Couple
"You have no idea how hard it is"
The Odd Couple
"Oh, right."
The Odd Couple
"when we have a perfectly good Chinatown"
The Odd Couple
"right here in New York."
The Odd Couple
"You won't even go to Chinatown."
The Odd Couple
"you blew $8,000 on a vacation."
The Odd Couple
"You know, you always do this."
The Odd Couple
"No, that's not what I'm saying. You never let me finish..."
The Odd Couple
""It's your fault, Oscar.""
The Odd Couple
"one thing that I've learned in the past few months is"
The Odd Couple
"I know. I know."
The Odd Couple
"so I hocked the bracelet."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, my God."
The Odd Couple
"How do you even remember that?"
The Odd Couple
"But, Oscar,"
The Odd Couple
"thank you."
The Odd Couple
"Well... I'm finished."
The Odd Couple
"And according to my calculations,"
The Odd Couple
"to build up the tension?"
The Odd Couple
"No!"
The Odd Couple
"Ah, Felix, we couldn't have done it"
The Odd Couple
"Yes, so we're even."
The Odd Couple
"What do you mean?"
The Odd Couple
"Yeah, you've got to come."
The Odd Couple
"You must've been so embarrassed."
The Odd Couple
"And a little bit yours."
The Odd Couple
"Is that what you think he thinks?"
The Odd Couple
"Well, thank you for being here."
The Odd Couple
"Yeah, you were the first person I thought of."
The Odd Couple
"Really?"
The Odd Couple
"I guess you did wake me up, Felix Unger."
The Odd Couple
"Oscar, what is wrong?"
The Odd Couple
"My feet won't move!"
The Odd Couple
"Hey."
The Odd Couple
"Hey."
The Odd Couple
"When I walked in, he was white as a sheet."
The Odd Couple
"Yeah."
The Odd Couple
"It was just like old times, right?"
The Odd Couple
"So, uh..."
The Odd Couple
""Oscar, you're still the world's greatest lover"?"
The Odd Couple
"and, you know, see how it goes."
The Odd Couple
"That sounds nice."
The Odd Couple
"I've been calling you. I-I woke up and you were gone."
The Odd Couple
"It was so hot."
The Odd Couple
"I mean, is this a thing?"
The Odd Couple
"I mean, what does this mean?"
The Odd Couple
"but maybe Oscar's impulsiveness"
The Odd Couple
"Yeah."
The Odd Couple
"maybe the safest thing is to just take it slow."
The Odd Couple
"I'm gonna just... Yeah."
The Odd Couple
"that, you know, if we are gonna"
The Odd Couple
"The only thing jumping down your throat"
The Odd Couple
"is that beer at 9:00 in the morning, by the way."
The Odd Couple
"It's a Sunday."
The Odd Couple
"But I don't want to go back to hating you either."
The Odd Couple
"you're being about this."
The Odd Couple
"Well, he's good for you."
The Odd Couple
"Well, it's not the way Felix does it."
The Odd Couple
"Mm-hmm."
The Odd Couple
"Thank you, Oscar."
The Odd Couple
"For everything."
The Odd Couple
"For helping me get over my divorce."
The Odd Couple
"you've been good for me, too."
The Odd Couple
"by the way..."
The Odd Couple
"Felix! Felix!"
The Odd Couple
"You are really good at it."
The Odd Couple
"As a boy, I would practice with my imaginary friend."
The Odd Couple
"A stern but loving German housekeeper."
The Odd Couple
"You know, 'cause the sheets are between us."
The Odd Couple
"Instead of us being between the sheets."
The Odd Couple
"Which is something people would talk about."
The Odd Couple
"Can you imagine?"
The Odd Couple
"Oscar, how many times have I told you...?"
The Odd Couple
"Don't..."
The Odd Couple
"Don't."
The Odd Couple
"Okay, what happened?"
The Odd Couple
"I'm being audited by the IRS."
The Odd Couple
"Oh, no."
The Odd Couple
"From five years ago... I mean, what the hell?"
The Odd Couple
"- Well, maybe... - I'll tell you what the hell."
The Odd Couple
"who's trying to make a name for himself"
The Odd Couple
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