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Clips from Shameless - Survival of the Fittest (S03E03)

"This is what you missed last week on Shameless:"
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"...banging my mom because we selfishly wanna have a baby with some of our DNA."
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"Attention, people! Kevin is gonna be a daddy."
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"Because I'm hitched doesn't mean we can't bang."
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"And when was the last time you see my daughter?"
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"I got sucked in. I bent to your rules."
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"- Frank? Ugh. - What?"
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"Public defender. Need a defense, ugh."
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"God gave you the race card for a reason, Julius. Play it."
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"- Thirsty. - You don't look good."
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"- Guards cracked down. - It's inhumane."
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"And you, what did they get you for again?"
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"Beat my ex-wife to death with a telephone."
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"Would be good as new if these storm troopers would slip me a malt beverage."
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"Frank."
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"Hey! Carl, stop it."
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"- Because I don't have a paintball gun. - Actually, that, uh, kind of makes sense."
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"Exactly."
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"- Did Fiona and Jimmy break up? - I don't know, ugh."
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"- See who again? - That a new look for work?"
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"No, it's not a whatever. The first Gallagher kid getting his diploma?"
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"- Morning. - Wow, Ian, looking sharp."
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"Later."
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"Well, uh, I guess the good thing about falling for Mickey Milkovich..."
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"- Ah, catch up with you after school. - Right."
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"I am ready. We only have a half day anyway."
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"- What? - Lip said we're not moving to Michigan."
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"It is his business. It's all of our business."
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"I don't know. Okay? I don't know."
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"- Yeah. - Yeah, okay. Great. Thanks."
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"It's Steve, leave some words."
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"Seriously? I leave you a message..."
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"- ...and Morgan Fairchild. - I'm Dr. Markman. And you're not dead."
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"Maybe the online medical school you graduated from..."
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"What?"
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"Active duty. Full-time."
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"I already passed the Vocational Aptitude Battery and physical exams."
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"- When's the next bus to basic training? - Tomorrow morning."
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"- Hey, take some time to think on it. - I'm ready now."
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"I do not sound like that."
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"- Oh. Give me those. You better watch yourself. - Heh."
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"Aah! Don't bite my nipple, heh."
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"No, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a bitch about it."
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"- He's a wuss. Forget about him. - He's forgotten."
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"- You're mad at him for doing what you said? - She didn't mean it."
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"It's moments like this that..."
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"Crap pay, miserable working conditions, but the chance to change..."
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"...one special kid's life."
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"See you, Dick."
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"Teachers are taking bets what's next for you."
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"Sure, she's got some tricks up her sleeve..."
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"...but there's more tread on those tires than it's worth. Trust me, been there."
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"- Congratulations. - Thank you."
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"Congra-- What for?"
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"- Frank, you okay? - Better than ever."
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"Because my progeny has joined the ranks of the graduated."
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"You're one to talk, Tommy."
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"You're one bucket of KFC Extra Crispy away from giving Precious a run for her money, heh."
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"Know what kind of upper body strength it takes to handle a rig?"
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"Not just a test of strength, but stamina."
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"The kind one gets from years of running from people..."
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"- Hey, Kate, can I get another shot? - Hey."
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"Alrighty."
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"It's Steve, leave some words."
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"So you just never pick up anymore, huh?"
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"Maybe we still do."
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"I left you a message this morning. You should probably just delete that."
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"Heh, I didn't mean it."
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"I mean, I did mean it. Just for that night, though. Not forever, silly."
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"Give me a call."
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"Okay."
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"I know I agreed to this, but it doesn't mean it's not hard to say goodbye."
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"Both my babies."
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"All three of my babies."
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"Bye, baby."
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"It's okay. It's okay. It's okay."
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"...see you soon, heh."
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"- See you soon. - See you soon, baby."
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"Bye, honey."
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"Bye."
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"Ah, I have to finish getting the house ready for Lip's party."
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"Dr. Lishman?"
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"Fiona. Hi. Uh, I'll catch up with you guys later."
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"Surprised to see you."
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"- Yeah, I wanted to talk to you. - Oh."
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"How's Ian?"
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"Fine."
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"Any sign of conflict or things not going his way..."
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"I always have my hot dog with chipotle sauce. You want some?"
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"Okay."
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"...when his son doesn't call or e-mail for months at a time."
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"You'll be fine."
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"That's weird, heh."
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"Yeah."
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"Promise."
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"- Veronica, I promise, I swear I had no idea. - Ladies, please."
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"- In the past. This time-- - There's no this time."
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"Okay. Okay, I thought I might be pregnant."
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"- Oh, my God. - But, honey, look, I didn't know."
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"Not what we, me and Kev had. What we all had."
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"...but I'm all that matters now, right?"
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"- Jacket and tie would probably help. - Ugh."
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"- No, we don't spend any time together. - Exactly my point."
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"- That right? - Parent's plight. Never goes away."
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"Need any words of fatherly advice?"
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"Okay, why not? Day couldn't get any weirder. Um..."
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"Every day, like it's your last."
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"Hey, whoa, whoa. You really think they deserve your hard-earned money for that service?"
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"- Dine and dash? - Bite and bolt."
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"- Eat it and beat it? - I'll take the front door."
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"Thanks so much. Uh, we'll talk to you later this week."
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"Yeah, Rick from Sales is moving to our Columbus office."
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"I've pushed cocktails. That's sales."
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"Hey. You've been a great asset to this company. I'm really sorry."
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"You tried to make off with a tortoise."
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"It's called survival of the fittest for a reason."
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"Otherwise you end up on eBay for 10 grand, as Darwin intended."
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"Also, tiger dick. They take a couple of bites, they think it turns them into fuck machines."
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"Shit."
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"- We should do this more often. - Afternoon drinking buddies?"
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