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Clips from 30 Rock - Game Over (S07E07)

"You know, I once played Frederick Douglass"
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"in a one-woman show"
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"that the University of Maryland Diamondback"
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"called too confusing to be offensive."
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"Point is I won't be at rehearsal at all this week."
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"Exactly. No Tracy."
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"I was so sorry to hear about your mother."
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"and it only counts when it's actually on your birthday."
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"I have very strict birthday rules."
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"One, the birthday boy always sleeps in the largest tiger cage."
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"Some of the rules may be specific to my time in Vietnam."
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"the KableTown board is meeting this Friday."
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"I promised my wife I'd step aside when I turn 70."
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"stays in the Hooper family."
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"But my kids are creative types."
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"about a giraffe who learns he doesn't have to work hard."
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"Yeah, but when she gets out of college, she'll be 21."
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"That's the same age I was when I started KableTown,"
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"Hank, please think about your other options."
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"I admit I was skeptical when I first saw your fall schedule."
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"Celebrity Homonym is the number-one show in America!"
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"Okay, racquet like a tennis racquet."
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"- Sorry, it's the other one. - Again!"
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"You know what, pal?"
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"Why don't you come over here and tell me that?"
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"That's why I came up with a solution that'll make everyone happy."
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"Until Kaylie graduates, you'll be her assistant CEO."
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"Assistant?"
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"CEO!"
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"She'll be on the board, learning the ropes,"
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"and you'll keep her chair warm."
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"Oh, what now?"
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"I'm taking hormone shots to have a baby, you son of a bitch!"
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"Being a woman is the worst!"
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"Lemon, Hank Hooper just told me I will never be CEO of KableTown,"
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"my mother's death."
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"- Wait. So we're both crazy? - No."
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"but she never gave it to me, which means I can't ever stop trying,"
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"like making Hank choose me over his own granddaughter."
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"- How much time do you have? - Three days."
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"It's exactly the kind of challenge my mother's anti-love prepared me for."
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"I'll make you proud of me yet, Colleen!"
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"He did good things in China."
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"Hey!"
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"Now, in this scene, you're gonna enter through the door."
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"Mm, I don't think so. I'm gonna walk in from over here."
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"But the door."
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"Well, you're just gonna have to rewrite the script"
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"But slaves didn't wear T-shirts."
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"I got to go home and feed my eels."
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"They're not electric, but I have a plan."
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"Mizz, DotGov.. Jet's roll."
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"so I went deep undercover,"
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"and I applied for a job as a drama teacher at Kaylie's school."
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"Hi, I'm Ms. Foster, but please call me Jan."
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"Or do they?"
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"FYI, Jan Foster is currently in a lesbian relationship"
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"with Ms. Siegal from the math department."
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"Let me worry about that."
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"She thinks you'll be very interested in them."
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"Banks."
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"Pedal faster, fatties."
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"Really, Banks? Spin class?"
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"Isn't that a bit of a gay cliché?"
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"You win sex against a man, that's as straight as it gets."
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"You were good, one of the best, but look at you now."
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"Hitching your wagon to a 15-year-old girl?"
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"No one knows me better."
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"But you also know that Jack Donaghy always wins."
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"How much time and energy have we wasted with our sparring"
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"and our gravel-voiced double entendres?"
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"since Gregory Linens teamed up with Thomas 'n Things!"
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"And whatever Kaylie's offering, I'll double it."
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"I know certain things, Jack."
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"About Kaylie's father."
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"On a scale from bear hunting to hunting bears."
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"have never actually had... heterosexual intercourse."
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"Very handsome. Horrible personality."
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"Then she isn't actually family."
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"Once she's out of the picture,"
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"you're the only choice to take over KableTown."
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"I've got a ton of her dad's."
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"- Hi, Bev. It's Liz. - Oh, Liz!"
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"Yeah, definitely don't give me your last name,"
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"because I only deal with one person a year,"
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"so I know exactly who you are."
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"It's Elizabeth Lemon."
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"I've been on the agency's list for a few years now."
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"I wanted to see if you got my letter updating my marital status."
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"Oh, yes, congratulations."
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"You've moved from the well-meaning lesbian pile"
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"Wait, so I'll be 46 by the time I get a baby?"
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"Unless you'd like to adopt an older child."
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"I can give you a six-year-old yesterday."
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"Pick a color."
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"Oh, I just always pictured myself getting a newborn."
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"And I always pictured myself"
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"But sometimes we have to make compromises."
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"Nineteen."
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"There's the old-fashioned way,"
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"but these hormone treatments are the worst."
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"And even if they work,"
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"at my age, the kid might just come out a ball of fingers."
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"Steve Forbes was born a ball of fingers."
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"He had the best surgeons money can buy,"
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"So option two is adopting a baby, but I have to wait four more years."
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"I'll be almost 70 when she graduates from college."
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"Which just leaves option three, adopting an older kid."
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"Really? Wouldn't that be easier than taking care of an infant?"
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"With an older kid, who knows?"
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"there's a 30-year-old Russian dwarf who's just pretending to be a child,"
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"according to a movie that I watched part of."
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"We are both at a crossroads, Lemon."
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"I have chosen my path. It's time you do the same."
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"Hello, partner."
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"- What's happening here? - What's happening to your left blob?"
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"It's the hormones."
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"Lemon, thanks to Banks, I have reason to believe"
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"that Kaylie is not her father's daughter."
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"The reason being a week-long party"
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