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Clips from Louie - Pilot (S01E01)

"It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. What is that?"
Louie
"Oh, man, we got a flat. I gotta pull over."
Louie
"Daddy, where are we?"
Louie
"Hey, so, what's the plan? I don't know."
Louie
"Hey, man, what do you have to do to be a bus driver, nothing?"
Louie
"How can you be so goddamn irresponsible when you're transporting children?"
Louie
"Does that mean nothing to you? You almost got everybody hurt."
Louie
"What are you doing?"
Louie
"Hey, hey, hey, where are you going?"
Louie
"I live three blocks from here. I don't need this shit."
Louie
"You're not seriously leaving."
Louie
"Look, you're the one that said get on the West Side Highway."
Louie
"Remember that, you redheaded-nobody piece of shit."
Louie
"Uh, okay, kids, here's what's going on. We have a flat tire."
Louie
"Yes, that's very funny. It is. It is."
Louie
"Okay, here's what we're gonna do. Uh...."
Louie
"John and Lisa, switch seats."
Louie
"Jeremy and Maria, you switch seats too."
Louie
"And you two switch seats. What are you doing?"
Louie
"That's horrible, that's offensive."
Louie
"I know, right? Okay, also, Mikey, you sit--"
Louie
"What is your plan here? I don't know."
Louie
"Are we gonna take 20 kids and walk through Harlem, look for a subway station?"
Louie
"Yeah, yeah, that is what we're gonna do. Okay, new field trip, guys."
Louie
"We are going to get off the bus..."
Louie
"But we're in Harlem."
Louie
"Yes, we are in Harlem. This is a poor area. Hey. Hey, Dimitrio."
Louie
"Yeah, yeah, it's Louis C.K."
Louie
"Do you realize what you're teaching them?"
Louie
"Uh-huh. All right, kids, new field trip."
Louie
"Everybody gets to go home in their own limousine."
Louie
"Yeah!"
Louie
"Get in the car, get in the car. Go, go, go, get in the car."
Louie
"A lot of people who think they're good people..."
Louie
"...are living a really evil life without thinking about it."
Louie
"And here's the thing. The whole premise of my life is evil."
Louie
"I'm white, my kids are white..."
Louie
"...which means they can't really screw up too badly..."
Louie
"...because they'll get like a million chances."
Louie
"My life is really evil, like I--"
Louie
"There are people who are starving in the world, and I drive an Infiniti."
Louie
"That's really evil."
Louie
"There's people who are born and they go, Oh, I'm hungry."
Louie
"And that's all they ever got to do."
Louie
"And meanwhile, I'm in my car, boom, boom, pow, like, having a great time..."
Louie
"...and I sleep like a baby."
Louie
"It's totally my fault..."
Louie
"...Iike a nice Ford Focus with no miles on it..."
Louie
"...and every day, I don't do it."
Louie
"Every day, I make them die with my car."
Louie
"It's not fun to be single at 41. I was married for 10 years."
Louie
"I'm divorced. I got two children. It's hard to start again after a marriage."
Louie
"It's hard to really look at somebody and go:"
Louie
"Hey, maybe something nice will happen. You just don't--"
Louie
"I know too much about life to have any optimism..."
Louie
"...because I know even if it's nice, it's going to lead to shit."
Louie
"I know that if you smile at somebody and they smile back..."
Louie
"...you've just decided that something shitty is going to happen."
Louie
"You might have a nice couple of dates..."
Louie
"...but then she'll stop calling you back, and that'll feel shitty."
Louie
"Or you'll get married and it won't work out."
Louie
"You'll get divorced and split your friends and money, and that's horrible."
Louie
"Or you'll meet the perfect person, who you love infinitely..."
Louie
"...and you even argue well, and you grow together..."
Louie
"...and you have children..."
Louie
"That's the best-case scenario, is that you're gonna lose your best friend..."
Louie
"...and then just walk home from D'Agostino's with heavy bags every day..."
Louie
"...and wait for your turn to be nothing also."
Louie
"I'll be just a minute, sorry."
Louie
"It's okay. Thanks."
Louie
"No problem. Do you know where we're going yet?"
Louie
"What? Do you know where we're going yet?"
Louie
"Uh, I don't know, I just-- I thought we'd just wing it."
Louie
"Hello."
Louie
"Oh, I'm sorry. I was just talking to the door."
Louie
"...and your yelling is making me feel vulnerable."
Louie
"I'm really sorry."
Louie
"I'm not wearing any clothing at all. Do you understand?"
Louie
"Yeah, yeah, I understand what that means."
Louie
"Well, if you understand, please don't be yelling in the hallway."
Louie
"Because I'm in here."
Louie
"Look, you're gonna show me, so just go ahead and do it."
Louie
"What?"
Louie
"How dare you?"
Louie
"Pig."
Louie
"Pig, pig, pig, pig."
Louie
"Pig."
Louie
"Okay. Jesus."
Louie
"I'm sorry I needed a minute. Sorry, it just got weird out here."
Louie
"Just-- Look, let's just start from scratch, okay?"
Louie
"I didn't know it was fancy. Oh, no, no, no. Uh...."
Louie
"This-- My-- Just my dad died."
Louie
"Your dad died, and you're coming here from his funeral?"
Louie
"We have, like, reunions for the funeral."
Louie
"You wanna get going?"
Louie
"Yeah. Yeah, okay."
Louie
"Thanks again, it's really-- You look really nice."
Louie
"Sorry, come on--"
Louie
"There we go. Oh, God."
Louie
"Sorry."
Louie
"You wanna just not go? I don't--"
Louie
"Okay, can you please stop smiling the exact same way..."
Louie
"...every time I look at you?"
Louie
"No."
Louie
"My God."
Louie
"Do you have any idea where we're going?"
Louie
"Yeah, I thought, ahem, we'd just go down to the Village and just walk around."
Louie
"Okay."
Louie
"We don't have to do that. I don't care. It's fine."
Louie
"If there's anywhere else you wanna go, I'm totally--"
Louie
"I hate the Village. I hate it."
Louie
"And I feel like you just made me say that."
Louie
"Can I just tell you something? Yeah, sure."
Louie
"You know what? There's a great place to eat right--"
Louie
"Like, let's get out here, okay? Okay, yeah."
Louie
"That's good. All right, awesome, come on."
Louie
"There's nothing else really around here."
Louie
"That's kind of why I was saying we should go to the Village."
Louie
"Come on. Where are we going?"
Louie
"Mmm. Oh, thank God."
Louie
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