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Clips from The Detour - The B&B (S01E01)

"And the only thing you need to know"
The Detour
"Mr. and Mrs. Parker! Wait."
The Detour
"Now y'all forgot two very important but medically necessary items."
The Detour
"- Yes, ma'am? - Let's go."
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"- What is your problem? - I'm sorry I'm not as charmed"
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"by all the southern hospitality B.S. as you are."
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"Look at me, pulling my own little Tiananmen Square here."
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"What a douche."
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"- Honey. - What?"
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"To rest up for their journey north on the underground rail road."
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"No activity to report."
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"Oh, these berries taste like heaven, if it existed."
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"Mmm, the smell of the lawn."
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"- I'm getting an award. - What?"
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"I-it's a big award. A work award."
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"We'll take Rhett Butler here for a ride."
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"Yeah, you go on with Foghorn Leghorn."
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"- Oh, I'm sorry. When did she pass? - Oh, no, no, years ago."
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"You believe in heavenly spirits, Robin?"
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"Oh."
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"What would make Robin happy on this perfect spring day?"
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"- Me? - Mm."
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"Oh. I snagged me a beautiful young fiancée."
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"- Oh. - Yes, ma'am. Gorgeous..."
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"Oh, well, look... look at that. Mmm."
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"Ohh. Thank you. Everybody say it's shit."
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"What?"
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"Mm."
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"What?"
The Detour
"Yeah. Please remove dress."
The Detour
"I don't know if I'm allowed to..."
The Detour
"- Yep, I got it. I got how zippers work. - Oh."
The Detour
"- Here we go. - Take off the dress."
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"- All the way off? - Yes."
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"Strong hands."
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"Really do."
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"Yeah. Of all the clear spirits..."
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"I honestly cannot say enough about her."
The Detour
"Sadly, it's been difficult finding anyone willing to officiate."
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"- Why? - Well, for starters, she's Jewish."
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"I'm actually in danger of losing her..."
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"I'm sorry. I love her."
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"You're making your husband sound like some dumb goon."
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"Human activity detected."
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"Why, hello there."
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"Who are you? You're so beautiful."
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"- Human activity detected. - No!"
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"Oh!"
The Detour
"Watch this. Ready? Ready for it?"
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"Watch yourself being a douche."
The Detour
"no smoking, no public beatings, no shit bed."
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"Oh, now there's my little peanut."
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"You must have been in your 20s when you decided to have Nate."
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"I'm his wife."
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"That... Whatever. Just go."
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"to please step on my ball?"
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"- You ready for this? - I'm v... I was born ready, babe."
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"Now that is a clean roquet. Uhh!"
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"Hmm? Why isn't this thing working?"
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"- How you feeling, pal? - I feel good."
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"just crawl through the mirror"
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"Well, that's a beautiful, beautiful painting up there."
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"when they figure out how to use a spoon."
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"In Russia, we have an old saying about sarcastic woman."
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"Oksana, could we not do this in front of company?"
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"Svetlana, Svetlana, please."
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"No, it's been hard on her because you're pussy."
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"Ohh."
The Detour
"all right? Nate Parker stock is going through the roof,"
The Detour
"Nate? Robin. Robin. Robin, listen, uh..."
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"Looks like his plans are not gonna happen tonight."
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"that I'm a real man, a-a..."
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"Come on out here, you son of a bitch."
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"Nate, Nate, Nate. Nate! It's a that's a bear! That's a bear!"
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"- What are you doing? - What... come on!"
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"Oh, shit!"
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"Uhh! No, no! No!"
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"- You're hurting me! Ow! - Why is that bear talking?!"
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"We didn't discuss bringing this asshole!"
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"Son of a bitch! Stay down, damn it!"
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"Carl! Goddamn it, Nate!"
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"Ugh."
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"Don't worry. Go get your beauty sleep."
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"I am a children's performer."
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"You're right. You're right."
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"For god sake, your family rescued slaves."
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"Sure, and if that's not good enough for this woman,"
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"before this..."
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"Look at that! You couldn't cut it any better."
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"I have a great product."
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"Is this happening? What's happening?"
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"Dude made me fight a guy in a bear suit..."
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"- What? - To impress a woman."
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"That's what's so great about us. We don't try."
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"Why? You don't like this?"
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"- Yeah? - Yes!"
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"Don't proposition me on the toilet."
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"- Never again. - No."
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"Oh, you wanna get what you got while the getting's good?"
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"Oh, baby, come right here and sit next to me."
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"Right."
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"Sorry, babe."
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"I fought a bear and I won. Nate... he got scared."
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"Ew."
The Detour
"Okay, let's recap."
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"Yep."
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"is that my kids were deathly ill..."
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"is that because you force-fed 'em oysters"
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"at a landlocked roadside restaurant?"
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"Why are you so interested in all this?"
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"It's not just me. You've got everybody's attention."
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"We can't put 'em in that vomit comet for the next eight hours."
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"It's just food poisoning. It'll pass."
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"- Why are there no hotel rooms here? - We're not staying in a hotel..."
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"- That's so sweet. - Southern hospitality."
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"Um, do you know why there are no hotel rooms available in this area?"
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"The azaleas are blossomin', and the people have come to bear witness."
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"Now that said, I happen to know of a very nice B&B just a couple towns over."
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"- Let's go. - It's got a lot of character."
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"- Yeah, that's code for "bedbugs." - Well, now I know the owner,"
The Detour
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