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Clips from NewsRadio - The Trainer (S03E03)

"Oh, I walked into that, didn't I?"
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"They, uh... They haven't invented any new utensils"
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"Are you sure? Because I-I-I think I heard somebody mention"
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"something about a spork?"
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""birth...certificate.""
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"Look at those tiny little feet."
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"Still the same size."
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"I don't-- Th--"
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"No, that's impossible."
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"It says it right here."
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"It has to be. What if it's not?"
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"Here, look at this, look at this."
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"is utterly fascinating,"
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"I'm on my way to my first training session"
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"with my new personal trainer, Ted Chambers, himself."
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"If you'll excuse me. No, but--"
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"Where'd you get this?"
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"Catherine, we're just as shocked as you are."
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"So Dave is..."
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"Canadian?"
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"TED: So, Mr. McNeal,"
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"Because you know the right attitude"
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"Other way."
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"but we're gonna work hard today."
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"Okay, bring it on."
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"one."
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"Very good."
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"And two. Excellent."
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"Hey! Hey! Where'd Ted go?"
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"Ted's a busy man. My name's Vic. Okay..."
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"Oh, right. Shock Jock! You're upside-down."
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"Three-- Three? Two? One?"
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"and...jock."
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"Come on, man, push it up."
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"All right."
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"Where's the food?"
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"Uh... Let's just pretend there's food."
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"Just make-believe? Yeah."
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"and mental patients."
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"I suck at make-believe. Can't we do something?"
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"Just peanuts, crackers, anything?"
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"Sure. Hey, uh, how about, uh...10-day-old donuts?"
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"Perfect."
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"Yeah, I'll try to resist."
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"Please, just set it up, will you? All right."
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"I just paid an ass-load of money"
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"and may I?"
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"These are just like the donuts my mother used to make."
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"I mean, I just opened the membership."
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"There just has to be some kind of seven-day escape clause"
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"or something in the contract, right?"
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"Yeah, there's gotta be. I'm gonna go check that out."
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"All right, and..."
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"there you go."
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"Yeah, thanks."
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"Doing a story on eggs Benedict."
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"Having trouble with the research."
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"Was wondering if you'd help out."
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"Yes. Canadian bacon."
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"Oh. Yeah."
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"[PUFFS]"
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"Canadian?"
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"Hmm."
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"Interesting."
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"Thank you, gentlemen. That's all I needed."
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"[CLICKS HEELS] All right."
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"All those hours I spent talkin' hockey with him,"
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"and he pretended not to be interested."
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"What's new about that?"
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"It's all true. I just confirmed it."
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"Oh... How?"
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"Well, let's just say I laid out a little trap,"
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"What?"
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"It doesn't change anything."
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"Is he, Catherine?"
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"Is he?"
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"You think we should tell Lisa?"
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"Right?"
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"and then a friend told me about his wife."
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"It was devastating."
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"I'm gonna go get Lisa."
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"Yeah, go get Lisa."
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"I can't believe Dave."
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"Lisa, have a seat, have a seat."
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"Lisa, did you ever think"
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"that you knew someone really well,"
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"You're gay?"
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"You are? What?"
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"He is? What?! What?"
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"No, Dave is Canadian. Canadian."
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"What?"
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"This is the big news?"
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"Well, we-- We just found out."
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"[CHUCKLES] Oh, come on."
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"I am?"
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"Not...you, sir. Him."
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"the heart of America where the real Americans live."
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"aren't you, Dave?"
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"Oh, well, then what is this all about?"
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"What's what all--?"
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"What--? Uh, what's what?"
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"You're afraid to say it, aren't you?"
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"Your Honor, I plead the Fifth."
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"But I do too, eh?"
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"[LISA GASPS] Oh, my God!"
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"LISA: Why didn't you tell me you're Canadian?"
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"on your birth certificate? Say what?"
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"That you're Canadian."
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"What is technically speaking?"
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"Well, technically-- Uh, technically,"
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"my mother is Canadian,"
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"I have a vague recollection"
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"You know, Dave, I have told you everything about myself."
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"Everything."
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"Look, I-I was five. You haven't told me"
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"Yes, I have. Remember?"
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"They tested me for preschool,"
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"found out I was reading on a fourth-grade level, Right."
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"Yes, yes, yes, yes, I remember now."
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"If you didn't tell me about this,"
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