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Clips from Archer (2009) - Animation (S03E03)

"Uh-- Shut up."
Archer (2009)
"And that includes Europe, Lana, my Brazilian au pair."
Archer (2009)
"No woman has ever made me-- Oh, shit!"
Archer (2009)
"Sir? Phone number! Matchbook!"
Archer (2009)
"I don't know her name, where she works. Woodhouse, how am I gonna find her?"
Archer (2009)
"Um, mm. You might check the loo."
Archer (2009)
"What, here? Why didn't you say so? Ow."
Archer (2009)
"Ow!"
Archer (2009)
"Ow, ow, ow."
Archer (2009)
"I'm, uh, Sterling Archer. You may remember me from the strip club..."
Archer (2009)
"...that I personally have ever had."
Archer (2009)
"Uh, hello?"
Archer (2009)
"Heroin! That's the last fricking thing I need."
Archer (2009)
"No, no, no, not-- Wait, were you...?"
Archer (2009)
"That if anybody ever finds out about it, I will literally--"
Archer (2009)
"You will wake up in three separate 50-gallon drums."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, God! Come at me, bro!"
Archer (2009)
"After they seen Pam-ee?"
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, how are you gonna--"
Archer (2009)
"I mean, my God, you can't. That was just--"
Archer (2009)
"MALORY: Disgusting!"
Archer (2009)
"...but you finally topped your 10th grade sports banquet."
Archer (2009)
"And second of all... What are we talking about?"
Archer (2009)
"Okay, so-- So help me God, Sterling..."
Archer (2009)
"Sometimes? Oh, shut up."
Archer (2009)
"First step's admitting it, Mother."
Archer (2009)
"Not with drinking! BOTH: Uh..."
Archer (2009)
"And also possibly Archer's father."
Archer (2009)
"Because I'm part of everybody. Damn that blabbermouthing Pam!"
Archer (2009)
"Why, what did she say?"
Archer (2009)
"Because he thinks he's going to move in with me!"
Archer (2009)
"Me, who happens to be in a relationship with Burt Reynolds, in case you've forgotten?"
Archer (2009)
"...work, it's hard to find time for actual dates."
Archer (2009)
"What? Pam!"
Archer (2009)
"Get your bloated carcass-- Out! I got it, I'm on this, I got it!"
Archer (2009)
"How did she know about the elevator?"
Archer (2009)
"L... Ew. Burt made sure I erased the security tape."
Archer (2009)
"Well, I'm sorry, but if anybody ever found out, I would die of shame."
Archer (2009)
"I don't care, Pam."
Archer (2009)
"Having said that, would you please come in this dirty toilet stall and have sex with me?"
Archer (2009)
"Well, when you put it like that, it sounds kind of shitty."
Archer (2009)
"Thirty years of my life I give to the KGB..."
Archer (2009)
"How would you put it? Heh, heh."
Archer (2009)
"Siberia?"
Archer (2009)
"...sowing the discontent."
Archer (2009)
"Is bad for morale."
Archer (2009)
"Et me, buddy. Ah!"
Archer (2009)
"And don't even think about doing anything crazy like defecting."
Archer (2009)
"...normal bodily waste excretion."
Archer (2009)
"If you're quite finished... Damn near."
Archer (2009)
"Then go home, sober up, and make sure your apartment is secure."
Archer (2009)
"Because if and when Nikolai shows up here, he's not staying at my place."
Archer (2009)
"Because you can bet every KGB agent and freelance assassin..."
Archer (2009)
"...this side of Berlin will be hunting him down like a dog."
Archer (2009)
"Now, why do you think that might be? Um..."
Archer (2009)
"Thank you, Boris."
Archer (2009)
"I won't forget this!"
Archer (2009)
"Promise broken."
Archer (2009)
"Allergies. To what, making sure people get on trains?"
Archer (2009)
"Ah. And you have no idea where he went."
Archer (2009)
"Well, I assume he's in New York with those shit-bitching-ass-bastard Archers."
Archer (2009)
"But-- I can assume!"
Archer (2009)
"...because I will also be in New York."
Archer (2009)
"...but I pictured you having nicer apartment."
Archer (2009)
"Hmm? Oh, no, sorry. There's a funny "Marmaduke" on the fridge."
Archer (2009)
"Cheers! Safe house?"
Archer (2009)
"But Malory, I assumed-- Which you shouldn't have."
Archer (2009)
"What, you thought you'd just show up out of the blue and we'd move in together?"
Archer (2009)
"Pretty much, yeah."
Archer (2009)
"Nikolai, it's not that I don't--"
Archer (2009)
"Am not very fond of you. I mean, we have such history together, and--"
Archer (2009)
"Mm..."
Archer (2009)
"LANA: Good question."
Archer (2009)
"He was supposed to prep this dump. And didn't."
Archer (2009)
"And now he's supposed to be here for guard duty."
Archer (2009)
"And isn't. Uh..."
Archer (2009)
"Hi. Lana Kane. You must be Major Jakov, such a pleasure."
Archer (2009)
"Be a lamb and take those to the kitchen."
Archer (2009)
"So I think I speak for all of us when I say..."
Archer (2009)
"...we shouldn't be the only ones guarding your maybe-baby-daddy."
Archer (2009)
"I can't believe you all know about that."
Archer (2009)
"...I may have with Nikolai, he's an invaluable asset and we have to protect him."
Archer (2009)
"I mean, you know, at least until he's been debriefed."
Archer (2009)
"Ahem. Wow."
Archer (2009)
"Come on, you make me sound like some kind of chupacabra, but for dicks."
Archer (2009)
"Heh. A terrifying yet accurate comparison. Where'd you learn all that stuff?"
Archer (2009)
"You know I grew up on a farm, right?"
Archer (2009)
"Ms. Kane and your mother. Hooray."
Archer (2009)
"Okay, I gotta bounce. Later, taters!"
Archer (2009)
"LANA: Oh, my God."
Archer (2009)
"...um, awkward? I actually think it's kind of sweet."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Uh, little help? No, you're good."
Archer (2009)
"Wait, where are you guys going?"
Archer (2009)
"Neutralizing a KGB sleeper in Brooklyn, thanks to this intel from the major."
Archer (2009)
"It was least I could do."
Archer (2009)
"80... Yeah?"
Archer (2009)
"Sterling. Yeah?"
Archer (2009)
"...with jumper cables clamped to my balls!"
Archer (2009)
"Yeah."
Archer (2009)
"Maybe some shots? Yeah, let's try that."
Archer (2009)
"Cyril. Cyril!"
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, if Old Yeller had a big stack of KGB codebooks..."
Archer (2009)
"White? You guys like smooth R&B?"
Archer (2009)
"Because that dude is out of his damn mind."
Archer (2009)
"I mean, he's smart, way smarter than Jakov, but--"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, and you can bet Jakov's intel is bad."
Archer (2009)
"Don't you get it?"
Archer (2009)
"He knew Jakov wanted to defect, so-- So he's been feeding him fake intel?"
Archer (2009)
"I mean, I assume."
Archer (2009)
"Because Barry's got a master plan..."
Archer (2009)
"LANA: Jesus! GILLETTE: Jesus!"
Archer (2009)
"Yes. Yes, you are."
Archer (2009)
"JAKOV: ls I who am sorry."
Archer (2009)
"Have you met her? Ow!"
Archer (2009)
"Don't you ever disrespect her."
Archer (2009)
"You're not my dad!"
Archer (2009)
"But I have to say, you don't look like me."
Archer (2009)
"And don't take this the wrong way, but thank Christ!"
Archer (2009)
"Ha, ha-- Ow!"
Archer (2009)
"Watch it, you dumb idiot!"
Archer (2009)
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