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Clips from One Day at a Time - Sex Talk (S01E01)

"and I am finally enjoying some time to myself."
One Day at a Time
"Combination to my safe is on my laptop."
One Day at a Time
"You didn't think to write it down..."
One Day at a Time
"Anyway, I need to find a new place to get my eyebrows threaded."
One Day at a Time
"Oh, you can just do everything else silently."
One Day at a Time
"I'll just use the old eyebrow-threading place."
One Day at a Time
"Oh."
One Day at a Time
"But, hey, silver lining, it's normal porn."
One Day at a Time
"Plus, you're traveling in the same direction, which fosters intimacy."
One Day at a Time
"We came to the next stoplight. He hopped out, paco told me everything."
One Day at a Time
"I got a cousin named paco, but he's an idiot."
One Day at a Time
"Not great."
One Day at a Time
"Sorry, it's just fun to hear about how you blew it."
One Day at a Time
"It's not like I had a great role model."
One Day at a Time
"My mom's sex talk was her handing me a white handkerchief"
One Day at a Time
""So, you must keep men from sneezing in it.""
One Day at a Time
"Hello."
One Day at a Time
"Aw. Aw!"
One Day at a Time
"I gave my number to the Usher. I'm sure he'll be calling."
One Day at a Time
"No, it's Alex's."
One Day at a Time
"I'm curious. I wanna see how that movie ends."
One Day at a Time
"to create a giant nude painting that you couldn't hide from your wife."
One Day at a Time
"in the back of the video store."
One Day at a Time
"Still worked."
One Day at a Time
"All of this is exactly why I need to talk to Alex."
One Day at a Time
"You know, with the Internet, kids see too much too soon."
One Day at a Time
"Then porn makes them grow up thinking that's what sex is supposed to be like."
One Day at a Time
"If anything, it is a shame that berto and I went unrecorded."
One Day at a Time
"- It's just about sex. - Oh, god!"
One Day at a Time
"Because I just... I want you to understand that..."
One Day at a Time
"You can do that?"
One Day at a Time
"That's right, mister."
One Day at a Time
"I spent my whole life trying to avoid this conversation."
One Day at a Time
"- Was it you? - No!"
One Day at a Time
"Elena!"
One Day at a Time
"Okay, so we heard from you."
One Day at a Time
"She's never even had a boyfriend."
One Day at a Time
"It is confusing for girls out there."
One Day at a Time
"What's this?"
One Day at a Time
"But there are other ways to do it that are creative but keep you pure."
One Day at a Time
"Watch the hair, abuelita."
One Day at a Time
"No, scratch that."
One Day at a Time
"This is your mother."
One Day at a Time
"It's fine."
One Day at a Time
"No seas ridícula."
One Day at a Time
"Ah, yes."
One Day at a Time
"I've got more than enough for the both of you."
One Day at a Time
"- Mom, what are you doing? - What are you doing?"
One Day at a Time
"I'm watching a movie with Josh and his little sister!"
One Day at a Time
"What's going on?"
One Day at a Time
"from your doggy door before I embarrass myself."
One Day at a Time
"No. Thank you."
One Day at a Time
"No, I just came by to bring Elena..."
One Day at a Time
"Okay."
One Day at a Time
"I'm gonna go now."
One Day at a Time
"You know I always have my phone on me."
One Day at a Time
"Okay, Elena, I'm just gonna say it. I know you've been looking at pornography."
One Day at a Time
"If you're thinking about..."
One Day at a Time
"And guys are really bad at it in the beginning."
One Day at a Time
"- Mom, stop talking! - Oh. I'm gonna stop talking."
One Day at a Time
"but... I don't think I like him like that."
One Day at a Time
"That's okay."
One Day at a Time
"You got your whole life ahead of you. There'll be plenty of other boys."
One Day at a Time
"I don't think I'll ever fall in love with a boy."
One Day at a Time
"Aw."
One Day at a Time
"But I promise you, when you meet the right one, you'll know."
One Day at a Time
"Oh, I know."
One Day at a Time
"All men are adult babies. I know."
One Day at a Time
"Okay."
One Day at a Time
"When I think about love..."
One Day at a Time
"I see myself..."
One Day at a Time
"Someday..."
One Day at a Time
"Oh."
One Day at a Time
"than I do when I kiss him."
One Day at a Time
"- Can we not talk about that ever again? - Nothing would make me happier."
One Day at a Time
"So..."
One Day at a Time
"And you should never be afraid to tell me anything about yourself."
One Day at a Time
"Hey, pen, you busy?"
One Day at a Time
"Yes. My mom is at the opera with Dr. Berkowitz,"
One Day at a Time
"both kids are out of the house"
One Day at a Time
"Ooh, wine and coupons. Been there."
One Day at a Time
"Just substitute wine with whiskey, and coupons with more whiskey."
One Day at a Time
"- Did you want something? - Just to share some amazing news."
One Day at a Time
"I am... unplugged."
One Day at a Time
"Yeah. No more Internet, no social media, not even a phone."
One Day at a Time
"Anyway, I really need to use your computer."
One Day at a Time
"That was quick."
One Day at a Time
"- Why don't you use your own laptop? - I locked it in my safe."
One Day at a Time
"So?"
One Day at a Time
"We all wish we had the last five minutes of our life back, okay?"
One Day at a Time
"I'm with you there!"
One Day at a Time
"Whoa!"
One Day at a Time
"- Schneider, you came here to watch porn? - No!"
One Day at a Time
"Why won't it stop?"
One Day at a Time
"No, I don't wanna chat with you!"
One Day at a Time
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
One Day at a Time
"I'm just happy you weren't actually sittin' there clipping coupons."
One Day at a Time
"And a threesome, eh?"
One Day at a Time
"Get your freak on, boo!"
One Day at a Time
"Shut up, that's not my porn."
One Day at a Time
"It's Alex's."
One Day at a Time
"My sweet boy is becoming a gross man!"
One Day at a Time
"A threesome is not normal."
One Day at a Time
"Okay, fine. It's aspirational."
One Day at a Time
"- How do I talk to him about this? - Uh... you don't."
One Day at a Time
"I'm not looking forward to this, either."
One Day at a Time
"And I don't want it to get stuck in his brain that this is what sex is."
One Day at a Time
"Yeah. He'd be in for a long series of disappointments."
One Day at a Time
"What kinda sex talk did your parents give you?"
One Day at a Time
"Because I wanna do the opposite of that."
One Day at a Time
"Well, father believed it's best to have this kinda discussion in a car"
One Day at a Time
"because you don't have to make eye contact."
One Day at a Time
"I was expecting some unrelatable rich-guy story."
One Day at a Time
"So we're in the Bentley with our chauffeur, paco."
One Day at a Time
"Father said it's time to have the talk."
One Day at a Time
"I need a paco."
One Day at a Time
"Ay, it's not fair that I'm stuck giving both sex talks."
One Day at a Time
"Alex was supposed to be Victor's job."
One Day at a Time
"- I did my part with Elena. - How'd it go?"
One Day at a Time
"She asked me what a period was when she was seven."
One Day at a Time
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