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Clips from Louie (2010) - Dr. Ben / Nick (S01E01)

""He said"? The doctor doesn't make appointments."
Louie (2010)
"Okay, well, I'll just wait and-- Sir, you don't have an appointment."
Louie (2010)
"Thanks, doctor. No problem."
Louie (2010)
"Man, that's not funny. Oh, God, how are you?"
Louie (2010)
"Feel like shit?"
Louie (2010)
"Okay."
Louie (2010)
"That is disgusting."
Louie (2010)
"Nurse, can you come here a minute? I'm serious."
Louie (2010)
"If that's your penis and testicles, what's your anus gonna be like?"
Louie (2010)
"Okay, all right. Okay, I'll be as gentle as I can."
Louie (2010)
"...that was better than the year before."
Louie (2010)
"Well, they didn't take it back, certainly, but they changed their minds..."
Louie (2010)
"Because that's kind of a drag for us.""
Louie (2010)
"How's it going? It's a shitty night."
Louie (2010)
"I have two tables, they're all black. I'm working for free tonight."
Louie (2010)
"That's a true story."
Louie (2010)
"Ever hold a piss so long it turns into a shit?"
Louie (2010)
"So if you call me that again, I'm gonna punch you."
Louie (2010)
"Goddamn it. Nice."
Louie (2010)
"God."
Louie (2010)
"All right. You too. Bye."
Louie (2010)
"Yeah, she ordered it online, you know. I feel bad. She's lonely."
Louie (2010)
"...I don't know, I'd just rather have a burger and hit the sack."
Louie (2010)
"I mean, we're getting old, Lou. I mean, we can't have kids anymore."
Louie (2010)
"At one point, one of us is gonna leave the other behind."
Louie (2010)
"I guess this is where the letter C comes for her dialysis."
Louie (2010)
"Her family was this weird family that kept their kids on a farm."
Louie (2010)
"It's just this dude with garbage all over him."
Louie (2010)
"We start correcting her behavior like she's doing something wrong."
Louie (2010)
"Hey, what's up, man? Yeah, yeah. How are you?"
Louie (2010)
"The thing is, I need you to come back in to do some more tests."
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie"
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou-ah"
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie"
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, you're gonna cry"
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie"
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou-ah"
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie"
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, you're gonna die"
Louie (2010)
"Thank you."
Louie (2010)
"Thank you, everybody."
Louie (2010)
"Nice to be here. I feel pretty good today. You know why I feel good? Because I--"
Louie (2010)
"Finally, I have the body that I want..."
Louie (2010)
"...and that's a thing people really covet."
Louie (2010)
"It's a hard thing to achieve, and I did."
Louie (2010)
"And I'm gonna tell you how to have exactly the body that you want."
Louie (2010)
"You just have to want a shitty body. That's all it is."
Louie (2010)
"You have to want your own shitty, ugly, disgusting body."
Louie (2010)
"I don't, though, like being uncomfortable and unhealthy..."
Louie (2010)
"...and I'm both of those things all the time."
Louie (2010)
"I get really sweaty all the time. I--"
Louie (2010)
"And that's also bad for sex, because I just sweat--"
Louie (2010)
"I just rain sweat all over people."
Louie (2010)
"Like, I'm like, uhhh."
Louie (2010)
"And that's what I'm like when I have sex. I go, uhhh."
Louie (2010)
"And I always see her, and she's like, just:"
Louie (2010)
"Just sweat is pouring off my head."
Louie (2010)
"And she's like, "Dude, you're limiting my enjoyment by a lot.""
Louie (2010)
"No."
Louie (2010)
"Well, then you can call for an appointment."
Louie (2010)
"The results from that test don't come in until tomorrow."
Louie (2010)
"No, I have no way of knowing the results before they get here."
Louie (2010)
"Yes? I'm here to see Ben, Dr. Mitchell."
Louie (2010)
"Okay, what time is your appointment and what is your name?"
Louie (2010)
"My name's Louie C.K., and he said to be here around 2."
Louie (2010)
"Well, I know him. Well, I used to. We went to high school together."
Louie (2010)
"And I talked to him on the phone. He said that I could come by."
Louie (2010)
"He didn't put your name in the book and didn't tell me."
Louie (2010)
"You don't have an appointment. Can you check with him?"
Louie (2010)
"He's with a patient."
Louie (2010)
"Yeah, no, I get that, but can you just let me wait till he comes out and--?"
Louie (2010)
"You can't just sit in here if you don't have an appointment."
Louie (2010)
"Do people, like, come here and steal medical treatment?"
Louie (2010)
"Do they steal it from you? Is that what happens?"
Louie (2010)
"Why can't you just let me wait--? - Just keep up that regime."
Louie (2010)
"You will start feeling better very soon."
Louie (2010)
"Hey, Ben, how you doing?"
Louie (2010)
"You told me to come by, remember? Do I know you?"
Louie (2010)
"Oh. Come on through. It's fine, Priscilla."
Louie (2010)
"Louis C.K."
Louie (2010)
"I didn't mean to jump ahead of that woman if she was waiting."
Louie (2010)
"Don't worry, she's dying. Yeah, no hope. Really sad."
Louie (2010)
"It's cancer, from her vagina up to her eyeballs."
Louie (2010)
"So I'm just squeezing her for insurance money..."
Louie (2010)
"...till her liver falls out of her ass."
Louie (2010)
"I'm-- I feel like shit."
Louie (2010)
"Sure you feel like shit and not diarrhea? Because you look like diarrhea."
Louie (2010)
"It looks like someone poured diarrhea into a face-shaped mold."
Louie (2010)
"Could you stop? I'm worried. I don't know what's up with me."
Louie (2010)
"Look up. Okay."
Louie (2010)
"I know what's wrong with you."
Louie (2010)
"What? AIDS."
Louie (2010)
"I can't believe you're a doctor."
Louie (2010)
"Strip down to your underpants. Let's take a look at you."
Louie (2010)
"Let's take a look at you."
Louie (2010)
"Jesus. That is--"
Louie (2010)
"You don't need a doctor, you need a time machine."
Louie (2010)
"What is that? Come on, man. This is a nightmare."
Louie (2010)
"Get up here."
Louie (2010)
"Oh, dear. Okay."
Louie (2010)
"Take a deep breath and hold it. So how do you feel, really?"
Louie (2010)
"Apart from the tumor I can hear in your lungs."
Louie (2010)
"You're an asshole. Strip all the way down."
Louie (2010)
"Oh, God, Louie."
Louie (2010)
"How can--? That is really bad."
Louie (2010)
"That's the worst penis I've ever seen in my life."
Louie (2010)
"It's-- Oh, my God."
Louie (2010)
"This is the worst thing that's happened to me, seeing that."
Louie (2010)
"And my dad hung himself in front of me whilst masturbating."
Louie (2010)
"If I could take one of those things back, it would be seeing that awful cock."
Louie (2010)
"Looks like you've been getting a dog to suck it off, but it chewed it..."
Louie (2010)
"...Iike it thought it was a horrible old blood-and-cum-filled shoe."
Louie (2010)
"That is the worst penis probably in the world."
Louie (2010)
"Nurse?"
Louie (2010)
"Honestly, is that not the ugliest penis you've ever seen in your life?"
Louie (2010)
"She's a nurse, so.... Stop it. Come on, man."
Louie (2010)
"Well, we're not gonna find that out."
Louie (2010)
"We are gonna find out, because I need to give you a full rectal examination."
Louie (2010)
"No, no. No way."
Louie (2010)
"Yes way. You're over 40, Louie, okay? No more wanking around."
Louie (2010)
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