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Clips from 30 Minutes or Less

"Thirty-four minutes, four minutes late. Pizza's free."
30 Minutes or Less
"You live two towns away. It's impossible to get here in 30."
30 Minutes or Less
"Exactly. That's why we order from your shitty pizza parlor."
30 Minutes or Less
"Okay. You guys are pretty smart."
30 Minutes or Less
"You figured out a way to beat the system."
30 Minutes or Less
"- There you go. - Thank you."
30 Minutes or Less
"- What, no tip? - Sorry, I only got the big bills."
30 Minutes or Less
"You guys kind of remind me of me when I was your age."
30 Minutes or Less
"Just trying to get drunk any chance I get."
30 Minutes or Less
"I bet you got the fridge full of beer, right?"
30 Minutes or Less
"- Man, we don't have anything. - Really?"
30 Minutes or Less
"- Could you get us some beer? - Me?"
30 Minutes or Less
"Listen, I shouldn't do this but if you give me the money..."
30 Minutes or Less
"that your mom gave you, which you didn't give me..."
30 Minutes or Less
"I will run out and get you some beer."
30 Minutes or Less
"- Let him do it. Let's get shit-faced. - But I want a tip."
30 Minutes or Less
"- Okay. - Okay, we have ..."
30 Minutes or Less
"- That's 40. - Oh, thanks, man."
30 Minutes or Less
"- Wait, how many am I getting? - Whatever that will get us."
30 Minutes or Less
"Okay. I will see you soon."
30 Minutes or Less
"- Wait, you boys like O'Doul's, right? - Yeah."
30 Minutes or Less
"- Fucking love that shit. - Totally."
30 Minutes or Less
"You rule."
30 Minutes or Less
"Okay."
30 Minutes or Less
"All right."
30 Minutes or Less
"All good."
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"Cool. You really went for it."
30 Minutes or Less
"- Okay. Well, I will... - Okay."
30 Minutes or Less
"Call me."
30 Minutes or Less
"I will. Yes, okay."
30 Minutes or Less
"- All right, take care. - Bye."
30 Minutes or Less
"- See you. - Bye."
30 Minutes or Less
"Thanks again."
30 Minutes or Less
"You have a great personality."
30 Minutes or Less
"Hey. What the hell?"
30 Minutes or Less
"- You've been watching the whole time? - Yeah, the whole show."
30 Minutes or Less
"Really classy move there at the end. The kiss."
30 Minutes or Less
"If a woman is kind to provide me with fellatio services..."
30 Minutes or Less
"I'm not gonna dart out of there like she's an untouchable."
30 Minutes or Less
"And they say chivalry is dead. Have a beer."
30 Minutes or Less
"The alcohol should help wash the taste of yourself out of your mouth."
30 Minutes or Less
"Well, thank you, sir."
30 Minutes or Less
"Hey, I rented some movies for us. I got Lethal Weapon."
30 Minutes or Less
"- I got Lethal Weapon 2. - I think I'm gonna have to pass."
30 Minutes or Less
"- I gotta be up early to teach a class. - Come on, you're a sub."
30 Minutes or Less
"Just call in sick, like the real teacher did."
30 Minutes or Less
"I got promoted to full time last month. You bought me a laser pointer."
30 Minutes or Less
"I'm just having trouble accepting you as the man..."
30 Minutes or Less
"because you're you."
30 Minutes or Less
"Filling kids' heads with bullshit just so you can have your summers off."
30 Minutes or Less
"I'm sorry I have a career..."
30 Minutes or Less
"and I don't have time to squeeze movies into my schedule."
30 Minutes or Less
"- Okay. "Call of Duty"? - Fine."
30 Minutes or Less
"But you will get smoked."
30 Minutes or Less
"- Fruit motherfucking salad. - Yeah. Fuck, yeah."
30 Minutes or Less
"- That was sick, Dwayne. - That was fucking awesome."
30 Minutes or Less
"- This one's gonna blow even bigger. - Oh, yeah."
30 Minutes or Less
"If you weren't a skinny bitch, you could be in the military."
30 Minutes or Less
"I don't need to be. I taught myself how to do this."
30 Minutes or Less
"- I went online and looked all this up. - I hear you."
30 Minutes or Less
"I taught myself how to eat pussy and cut my own hair."
30 Minutes or Less
"I taught myself how to eat pussy hair. Let's do it."
30 Minutes or Less
"- I want this one. Here... - Give me the crossbow."
30 Minutes or Less
"You get the crossbow. I'll take the detonator."
30 Minutes or Less
"- Blow that shit up, dude. - This one's mine."
30 Minutes or Less
"Bin Laden. This time it's personal."
30 Minutes or Less
"Fuck you."
30 Minutes or Less
"Whoa, man. It's so real."
30 Minutes or Less
"- Run, bitch. - Oh, check this shit out."
30 Minutes or Less
"- What are you doing, dude? - I'm not afraid of Jason. Look at me."
30 Minutes or Less
"- I'm fucking Jason. - Oh, my God."
30 Minutes or Less
"- Get him, dude. - In his fucking mask hole."
30 Minutes or Less
"- Hey, come here, bitch. - Keep that fucking mask on, Jason."
30 Minutes or Less
"- I'm fingering his asshole. - I'm gonna wrap his balls."
30 Minutes or Less
"- I'm gonna fucking raw-dog him. - I got your butt-pussy."
30 Minutes or Less
"It's so hard. Fuck you, Jason. Fuck you so..."
30 Minutes or Less
"Who are you two fags fucking?"
30 Minutes or Less
"- Just Jason Voorhees. - Afternoon, major."
30 Minutes or Less
"It's been 20 years, Dwayne."
30 Minutes or Less
"When are you finally going to get up the courage to ask him out?"
30 Minutes or Less
"That's not funny. We're business partners."
30 Minutes or Less
"Oh, yeah? What kind of business are you in?"
30 Minutes or Less
"Some entre..."
30 Minutes or Less
"- Entrepreneurials. - Entre..."
30 Minutes or Less
"That's not a business. You can't even pronounce it."
30 Minutes or Less
"We're just trying to watch this movie."
30 Minutes or Less
"There's about 45 minutes left and 3D titties coming up."
30 Minutes or Less
"You're coming in at the worst time."
30 Minutes or Less
"Yeah? I bought that TV so I can watch football."
30 Minutes or Less
"Not so that you and your boyfriend can jack off all over it."
30 Minutes or Less
"Well, then maybe you should learn how to share the common space better."
30 Minutes or Less
"Common? The only thing common in this house is you."
30 Minutes or Less
"Come on, Travis. This movie sucks, anyway."
30 Minutes or Less
"You look good, major."
30 Minutes or Less
"I paid for the damn cold cuts too."
30 Minutes or Less
"Maybe if you had a job or a fucking prospect..."
30 Minutes or Less
"or a clue how to get any of the above..."
30 Minutes or Less
"I'd let you eat them."
30 Minutes or Less
"You're a cold son of a bitch, Dad."
30 Minutes or Less
"That's what it takes, boy."
30 Minutes or Less
"In the corps, pussies like you wore dresses to keep us entertained."
30 Minutes or Less
"That's really fucking disturbing."
30 Minutes or Less
"Goddamn it. Oh, shit."
30 Minutes or Less
"Talking to me about fucking cold cuts. That son of a bitch."
30 Minutes or Less
"Oh, you got to be kidding me. He bought another new truck?"
30 Minutes or Less
"That's some high-end decal work, Dwayne."
30 Minutes or Less
"- Fuck the major. - Yeah, fuck him, dude."
30 Minutes or Less
"- Sorry. - Very funny, but you're late."
30 Minutes or Less
"No, I'm 45 minutes late, which is like 10 minutes early for me."
30 Minutes or Less
"Where the hell were you? Vito's is, like, two blocks away."
30 Minutes or Less
"Yeah, I got held up trying to pick out..."
30 Minutes or Less
"the perfect shirt-and-hat combo for you."
30 Minutes or Less
"- What do you think? - I like it."
30 Minutes or Less
"It's very minimum-wage."
30 Minutes or Less
"Thanks. I can't wait to quit and take this shit off."
30 Minutes or Less
"Say what you want about your boss..."
30 Minutes or Less
"but the man knows how to make a pizza."
30 Minutes or Less
"I hate that guy. He can suck a dick."
30 Minutes or Less
"Did you see Tom Small's Facebook update?"
30 Minutes or Less
"No, you know I don't check that shit. I'm off the grid."
30 Minutes or Less
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