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Clips from Cheers - The Spy Who Came in for a Cold One (S01E01)

- Evening, everybody. - Norman.

"- Evening, everybody. - Norman."

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- What's new, Norm? - Most of my wife.

"- What's new, Norm? - Most of my wife."

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You were going to Maine for the holidays with Vera?

"You were going to Maine for the holidays with Vera?"

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- Yeah, l am, Coach. - What happened?

"- Yeah, l am, Coach. - What happened?"

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Nothing. Vera drove up last night. l had to stay for an interview.

"Nothing. Vera drove up last night. l had to stay for an interview."

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l'm gonna drive up tonight. She left me the directions here.

"l'm gonna drive up tonight. She left me the directions here."

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- Should have no trouble finding it. - Getting away, Norman?

"- Should have no trouble finding it. - Getting away, Norman?"

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Yeah. We got just the two of us.

"Yeah. We got just the two of us."

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Big trees up there, you know.

"Big trees up there, you know."

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They got a frozen lake, one radio station.

"They got a frozen lake, one radio station."

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lt sounds very romantic, Norman.

"lt sounds very romantic, Norman."

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Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

"Yeah, it does, doesn't it?"

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Where can a guy go for a good time around here?

"Where can a guy go for a good time around here?"

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Enjoy.

"Enjoy."

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No, wait, pal, l can't. l can't do that to the navy.

"No, wait, pal, l can't. l can't do that to the navy."

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lf you're in the mood for gum, l can get you a fresh stick.

"lf you're in the mood for gum, l can get you a fresh stick."

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Actually, l was looking for bugs.

"Actually, l was looking for bugs."

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Try the blonde girl's hair.

"Try the blonde girl's hair."

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- Say, you're from England? - How'd you guess?

"- Say, you're from England? - How'd you guess?"

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You sound smart even when you say stupid things.

"You sound smart even when you say stupid things."

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l hope you won't think me presumptuous,

"l hope you won't think me presumptuous,"

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but dark, exotic women like you bring a fever to my blood.

"but dark, exotic women like you bring a fever to my blood."

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Wow! Classy!

"Wow! Classy!"

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My name is Carla. What can l get ya?

"My name is Carla. What can l get ya?"

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How do you do, Carla?

"How do you do, Carla?"

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My name's Eric Finch.

"My name's Eric Finch."

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Gin and bitters will do.

"Gin and bitters will do."

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"You have an interesting profile. Neapolitan, right?"

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My grandfather was from Naples.

"My grandfather was from Naples."

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We have a saying in my business,

"We have a saying in my business,"

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''Giving your heart to a Neapolitan girl

"''Giving your heart to a Neapolitan girl"

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is like forgetting to burn your code book.''

"is like forgetting to burn your code book.''"

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Blast. Now l've bloody well done it.

"Blast. Now l've bloody well done it."

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- You're not a spy? - Please, don't say anything more.

"- You're not a spy? - Please, don't say anything more."

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You might jeopardise my life You see that man?

"You might jeopardise my life You see that man?"

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Yeah.

"Yeah."

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He might be the secret agent from a foreign country's intelligence.

"He might be the secret agent from a foreign country's intelligence."

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l'd hate to live there.

"l'd hate to live there."

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Alright, here's a little-known fact. The smartest animal is the pig.

"Alright, here's a little-known fact. The smartest animal is the pig."

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- What? They look pretty stupid. - Yeah, your average oinker.

"- What? They look pretty stupid. - Yeah, your average oinker."

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Scientists say if a pig had thumbs and a language,

"Scientists say if a pig had thumbs and a language,"

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he could be trained to do manual labour.

"he could be trained to do manual labour."

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Be part of the workforce?

"Be part of the workforce?"

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Yeah. They'd give 30 years loyal service,

"Yeah. They'd give 30 years loyal service,"

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then at the retirement dinner, you could eat 'em.

"then at the retirement dinner, you could eat 'em."

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- Alright. - The smartest animal's a pigeon.

"- Alright. - The smartest animal's a pigeon."

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A thousand cars on the turnpike, they find mine.

"A thousand cars on the turnpike, they find mine."

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No, l have to give my vote to the ants.

"No, l have to give my vote to the ants."

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- How do you figure that? - See those farms they build?

"- How do you figure that? - See those farms they build?"

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They build those without plans.

"They build those without plans."

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To ants. For all you do, this one's for you.

"To ants. For all you do, this one's for you."

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Coach, who do you say is the smartest animal?

"Coach, who do you say is the smartest animal?"

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l gotta say Francis the Talking Mule.

"l gotta say Francis the Talking Mule."

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No, you're not catching on here. That was a real guy talking.

"No, you're not catching on here. That was a real guy talking."

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lt wasn't that he could talk, it was what he said, right?

"lt wasn't that he could talk, it was what he said, right?"

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Yeah, it was a lot better than that drivel Mister Ed was giving us.

"Yeah, it was a lot better than that drivel Mister Ed was giving us."

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- Good point. - Sam, a gin and bitters.

"- Good point. - Sam, a gin and bitters."

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Hey, everybody, come here. Don't look suddenly,

"Hey, everybody, come here. Don't look suddenly,"

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but there's a guy over there who's a secret agent.

"but there's a guy over there who's a secret agent."

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- That's ridiculous. - Thanks for being so cool.

"- That's ridiculous. - Thanks for being so cool."

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- You mean like a spy? - You mean like James Bond?

"- You mean like a spy? - You mean like James Bond?"

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Norm, Jack, it's stakeout time.

"Norm, Jack, it's stakeout time."

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- What makes you think that? - He kinda opened up to me.

"- What makes you think that? - He kinda opened up to me."

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l was sitting talking to him and... he said he thinks l'm sexy.

"l was sitting talking to him and... he said he thinks l'm sexy."

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They're trained to lie.

"They're trained to lie."

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You know, Diane,

"You know, Diane,"

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he just got back from Ankara. He says l'm cuter than any Bulgarian girl.

"he just got back from Ankara. He says l'm cuter than any Bulgarian girl."

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Well, l'm not surprised, Ankara is in Turkey.

"Well, l'm not surprised, Ankara is in Turkey."

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Great. l really wanted to know that.

"Great. l really wanted to know that."

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Another fascinating fact from the answer geek.

"Another fascinating fact from the answer geek."

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- What's the matter with her? - You're always correcting people.

"- What's the matter with her? - You're always correcting people."

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- No, l'm not. - l stand corrected.

"- No, l'm not. - l stand corrected."

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- That doesn't count. - l'm wrong again.

"- That doesn't count. - l'm wrong again."

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All l said was he doesn't sound like he knows what he's talking about.

"All l said was he doesn't sound like he knows what he's talking about."

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Who'd make the mistake of thinking Ankara's in Bulgaria?

"Who'd make the mistake of thinking Ankara's in Bulgaria?"

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Well, Francis wouldn't.

"Well, Francis wouldn't."

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lf you're a spy, why have you got your back to the door?

"lf you're a spy, why have you got your back to the door?"

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Because l can see the door reflected in your beautiful eyes.

"Because l can see the door reflected in your beautiful eyes."

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That old line.

"That old line."

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Your eyes remind me of an etching l bought in Norway for 200 guilders.

"Your eyes remind me of an etching l bought in Norway for 200 guilders."

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- Norway's currency is the Krone. - Diane.

"- Norway's currency is the Krone. - Diane."

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lf you have a licence to kill, can l use it a second?

"lf you have a licence to kill, can l use it a second?"

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- She's right. - She is?

"- She's right. - She is?"

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Of course. That how we broke down Norway's economic system

"Of course. That how we broke down Norway's economic system"

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by infiltrating the government with foreign currency.

"by infiltrating the government with foreign currency."

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- ls that right? - Diane.

"- ls that right? - Diane."

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That way we undermined the people's confidence

"That way we undermined the people's confidence"

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and their totalitarian regime.

"and their totalitarian regime."

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Norway doesn't have a totalitarian regime.

"Norway doesn't have a totalitarian regime."

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Hey! Get it over here!

"Hey! Get it over here!"

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Pardonnez-moi. l believe my employer craves a word.

"Pardonnez-moi. l believe my employer craves a word."

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- You bellowed? - Yeah. What are you trying to do?

"- You bellowed? - Yeah. What are you trying to do?"

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l don't believe that guy's a spy for one minute. He's lying.

"l don't believe that guy's a spy for one minute. He's lying."

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What? A customer in a bar is telling tall tales to impress a waitress?

"What? A customer in a bar is telling tall tales to impress a waitress?"

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Call 60 Minutes.

"Call 60 Minutes."

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Alright,... when you put it that way. The thing is....

"Alright,... when you put it that way. The thing is...."

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Look, why do you suppose people come to bars?

"Look, why do you suppose people come to bars?"

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Let me take a wild stab at that. Perchance to drink?

"Let me take a wild stab at that. Perchance to drink?"

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Wrong. They come here to shoot off their mouths and get away with it.

"Wrong. They come here to shoot off their mouths and get away with it."

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ln this bar everybody gets to be a hero. What's the harm?

"ln this bar everybody gets to be a hero. What's the harm?"

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Sam, any kind of lie is eventually destructive.

"Sam, any kind of lie is eventually destructive."

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l was raised and educated to prize truth above all else.

"l was raised and educated to prize truth above all else."

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This from a woman wearing rubber eyelashes and a padded bra.

"This from a woman wearing rubber eyelashes and a padded bra."

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- That's a lie. - l'm gonna need some proof.

"- That's a lie. - l'm gonna need some proof."

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Look, all l'm saying is,

"Look, all l'm saying is,"

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if this guy wants to be a spy, humour him, indulge him.

"if this guy wants to be a spy, humour him, indulge him."

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- Sam. - Come on. What's the big deal?

"- Sam. - Come on. What's the big deal?"

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- OK, he's a spy. - There you go.

"- OK, he's a spy. - There you go."

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Excuse me.

"Excuse me."

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Carla here, she inadvertently blew your cover.

"Carla here, she inadvertently blew your cover."

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Oh, boy!

"Oh, boy!"

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So, l understand you're in the spy game?

"So, l understand you're in the spy game?"

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Yes, sir, what's it like to be a spy?

"Yes, sir, what's it like to be a spy?"

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We swear not a word you say will ever go beyond this room.

"We swear not a word you say will ever go beyond this room."

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We never go beyond this room.

"We never go beyond this room."

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Can l... really trust you chaps?

"Can l... really trust you chaps?"

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- Yeah, sure. Everybody swear. - We swear.

"- Yeah, sure. Everybody swear. - We swear."

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- Cross my heart. - Alright.

"- Cross my heart. - Alright."

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What you've got to understand,

"What you've got to understand,"

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is that we're not all like how we're portrayed in the cinema.

"is that we're not all like how we're portrayed in the cinema."

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