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Clips from Silicon Valley - Optimal Tip-To-Tip Efficiency (S01E01)

"(INDISTINCT YELLING)"
Silicon Valley
"I'll rip your dick off, you son of a bitch!"
Silicon Valley
"My eye!"
Silicon Valley
"On behalf of the entire Disrupt conference,"
Silicon Valley
"I would like to apologize for what happened out there this afternoon."
Silicon Valley
"This man will never be asked to judge again."
Silicon Valley
"I've just learned he's been fired from Oracle, and apparently his wife left him."
Silicon Valley
"Anyway, I just got a call from your attorney, Mr. LaFlamme,"
Silicon Valley
"informing me that in his view this incident is... actionable."
Silicon Valley
"And in addition to holding TechCrunch liable for any damages,"
Silicon Valley
"which may include the loss to Pied Piper"
Silicon Valley
"of potentially billions in revenue and share value,"
Silicon Valley
"uh, he be may naming me personally in a lawsuit."
Silicon Valley
"So... I would like to propose that we put this incident behind us,"
Silicon Valley
"legally speaking, by sending Pied Piper directly through to the finals"
Silicon Valley
"of Start-Up Battlefield, where you will compete for the grand prize."
Silicon Valley
"- How does that sound? - I think that's..."
Silicon Valley
"One question, uh, regarding our hotel accommodations?"
Silicon Valley
"Bam! Am I right, guys?"
Silicon Valley
"(CHUCKLES) I was just happy you got punched in the face, Erlich,"
Silicon Valley
"but now I'm super happy. I feel like I won twice."
Silicon Valley
"I'm gonna disrupt this bathroom."
Silicon Valley
"I don't think this couch pulls out. I guess I'll get myself a roll-away bed."
Silicon Valley
"I mean, you're welcome, guys. I had to fuck a wife and take a punch,"
Silicon Valley
"but now we get to go into the finals tomorrow"
Silicon Valley
"without having blown our wad in the prelims."
Silicon Valley
"We're trending up, boys. We are trending up."
Silicon Valley
"Maybe you're right. But we should probably"
Silicon Valley
"get back down there and check out the competition."
Silicon Valley
"(MAN ON PA) Ladies and gentlemen, Gavin Belson."
Silicon Valley
"(APPLAUSE)"
Silicon Valley
"No matter what you may have heard, size matters."
Silicon Valley
"Welcome, everyone, to a journey into the Nucleus."
Silicon Valley
"I hope this sucks."
Silicon Valley
"Nucleus will provide the most diverse features"
Silicon Valley
"ever assembled in a cloud-based compression suite."
Silicon Valley
"Massive functionality, inter-connectivity,"
Silicon Valley
"and the simplicity one has come to expect from the Hooli family."
Silicon Valley
"We're making all your files available for lightning-fast download."
Silicon Valley
"Accessible from any device."
Silicon Valley
"All these features will be seamlessly synced to Hooli-mail,"
Silicon Valley
"Hooli-search and the full suite of Hooli computing power."
Silicon Valley
"That's a lot of functionality."
Silicon Valley
"Don't worry, he can't come close to our Weissman score."
Silicon Valley
"Even with all this extra shit, it's like a fancy car with a crappy engine."
Silicon Valley
"(GAVIN) And now, for the moment of truth."
Silicon Valley
"As you will now see, our Weissman score is the best in the history of compression."
Silicon Valley
"- (CROWD GASPING) - What the fuck?"
Silicon Valley
"That's exactly the same score as us."
Silicon Valley
"Two-point-eight-nine. That is not an error."
Silicon Valley
"We are breathing rare air here, operating at the limit for lossless compression"
Silicon Valley
"in audio, video and data."
Silicon Valley
"Anyone who tells you that their platform is faster than ours better have good lawyers."
Silicon Valley
"I hope you've enjoyed your journey into the Nucleus."
Silicon Valley
"We have the speed. We have the features. And we have... Shakira!"
Silicon Valley
"♪ (SHAKIRA: "HIPS DON'T LIE") ♪"
Silicon Valley
"- (CROWD APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) - (SHAKIRA) Hola, TechCrunch!"
Silicon Valley
"I mean, they just completely reverse- engineered our entire compression engine."
Silicon Valley
"He totally sniped us."
Silicon Valley
"- We'll be fine. - What?"
Silicon Valley
"They judge this contest on viability in the marketplace."
Silicon Valley
"I mean, at best, we're a worse version of Nucleus."
Silicon Valley
"I mean, they have 50 modules, and they're all awesome."
Silicon Valley
"We have five that barely work."
Silicon Valley
"I mean, we're still have trouble compressing 3D files. Who's lining up to buy that?"
Silicon Valley
"Who the fuck cares?"
Silicon Valley
"So the platform can't handle 3D files. You know what, 3D movies suck anyway."
Silicon Valley
"I could actually argue this Gavin nonsense is a positive."
Silicon Valley
"Please don't."
Silicon Valley
"We just need to really dial it up for the big show tomorrow."
Silicon Valley
"Dial what up? He just ruined us."
Silicon Valley
"And until then, we need to do what any animal in nature does when it's cornered,"
Silicon Valley
"act erratically, and blindly lash out at everything around us."
Silicon Valley
"I'm gonna go get in Gavin's head."
Silicon Valley
"Hey, guys, I just had a thought. OK, so this is it, right?"
Silicon Valley
"A lot of successful start-ups launched with a different business model,"
Silicon Valley
"and when they ran into trouble, they pivoted to something new."
Silicon Valley
"Like Instagram. That was a location-based check-in service when it started."
Silicon Valley
"And then they pivoted."
Silicon Valley
"Or Chat Roulette, OK, that was social media,"
Silicon Valley
"and then they pivoted to become a playground for the sexually monstrous."
Silicon Valley
"We just need a new idea, something that people want. Right? We can pivot, too."
Silicon Valley
"- Dude, you are fucked up right now. - Yeah, you're pinning bad."
Silicon Valley
"Well, I'll admit, I'm sleep-challenged."
Silicon Valley
"I just spent four days trapped in a steel box out on an oil rig"
Silicon Valley
"full of robot-forklifts."
Silicon Valley
"So, that was hard, but I'm back."
Silicon Valley
"I am recovering and I am focused and we're gonna pivot. Don't lose faith, guys."
Silicon Valley
"All right, look at me. Look at me. Look at me."
Silicon Valley
"We've got a great name. We've got a great team."
Silicon Valley
"We've got a great logo, and we've got a great name."
Silicon Valley
"Now we just need an idea."
Silicon Valley
"Let's pivot! Let's pivot!"
Silicon Valley
"That might be the last time we see him alive."
Silicon Valley
"I think I'm just gonna take a walk and, you know, try and clear my head."
Silicon Valley
"I'll see you guys back at the hotel room and we'll figure out what to do."
Silicon Valley
"We're going to be poor."
Silicon Valley
"Hi! I'd like to talk to you about a company called Pied Piper."
Silicon Valley
"What does it do? Good question."
Silicon Valley
"Maybe you can help us find an answer."
Silicon Valley
"What if Pied Piper was an app that could attract rodents?"
Silicon Valley
"You know, like the fairy tale?"
Silicon Valley
"For purposes of extermination or to feed your pet snake."
Silicon Valley
"We're not here to tell you what to do with your rats,"
Silicon Valley
"we're here to get your rats, STAT."
Silicon Valley
"Would you be very interested, somewhat interested or not interested?"
Silicon Valley
"Which one? Which one? Which one?"
Silicon Valley
"Look at them, all full of hope. Pricks."
Silicon Valley
"Oh, look, Kwerpy's here recruiting."
Silicon Valley
"They just got 20 million in Series A at a $280 million dollar valuation."
Silicon Valley
"- Wow. - That could have been us."
Silicon Valley
"It's too bad we already have jobs, we could easily go work there."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah. It'd be a real dickhead move to bail on Richard now, right?"
Silicon Valley
"I mean, before we officially go under."
Silicon Valley
"- Yeah. Yeah. Total dickhead move. - Yeah. Yeah."
Silicon Valley
"Even though... it is just a matter of days."
Silicon Valley
"- And we are so close. - I mean, he is standing right there."
Silicon Valley
"- But I'm not a dickhead. - No. Neither am I."
Silicon Valley
"Yep, just a couple of non-dickheads."
Silicon Valley
"My dick and my head, totally separate."
Silicon Valley
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