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Clips from Weeds - Ducks and Tigers (S05E05)

"Previously on Weeds:"
Weeds
"-Mom? -The bullet was for me, wasn't it?"
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"You owe me, and you hurt my kid."
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"You're never getting hurt again. I promise you."
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"You should be worrying about Stevie Ray. He's just a baby."
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"-Baby murderer. -Twenty-five feet, Gayle."
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"Please help us. We can't get our weed back without a court order."
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"I will help you. But first..."
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"-...his dick, this drawer. -I can do this."
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"Raylene Reynolds. You're Pretty! Cosmetics."
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"Nice to meet you."
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"I can sell a lot more makeup if I give a free gift."
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"Oh, no. I can't steal their weed."
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"-Putz. -I've got a crooked dick and no pot?"
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"This little milk ball was a mistake that would end the career..."
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"...of a very promising politician. I am here to correct that mistake."
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"I have been replaced as candidate for governor."
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"Pilar Zuazo."
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"I want her dead."
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"-In your face. -She's fucking on fire."
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"Four points."
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"The newlyweds are annoying."
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"Weren't lawn darts banned?"
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"When you boys are finished crying, it's your turn."
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"He's taunting us."
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"He's trying to act like a father. Fathers taunt."
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"When we went jogging, Dad told me I was so slow..."
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"...Stephen Hawking could beat me in a footrace."
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"Then he collapsed, puked twice, and died."
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"So who's the better jogger now?"
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"I'm sorry I didn't give you a proper wedding."
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"Oh, it was perfect."
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"-Thank you for marrying me. -No, thank you for marrying me."
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"And thank you for encouraging me about the election."
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"Fuck Pilar. You're gonna win."
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"Throw already, you girls."
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"Hey, what's wrong with girls?"
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"Hey."
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"Who's that?"
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"Nancy, this is Adelita."
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"Our stepsister."
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"Adelita. Wow, hi."
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"-Of course you forgot I was coming. -My brain. I'm sorry."
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"Adelita is in from Paris to look at colleges."
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"How are your sisters? Your mom?"
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"So-- You're married."
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"Congratulations."
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"So why is my room decorated like a hospital?"
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"All right, there you are."
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"-This is wrong. -I'm sorry?"
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"I ordered goat cheese. This is ricotta."
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"You can tell because it's disgusting and flavorless, and it's cow, not goat."
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"Cows go:"
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"Goats go:"
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"Sheep go:"
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"Shut the fuck up, sheep, and bring me the right cheese."
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"I just attacked a waitress, Raylene. I'm back."
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"You know, in my whole time at You're Pretty!..."
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"...I have never seen anyone ascend so fast."
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"And with such thrust."
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"I'm just getting started."
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"I am doing a major push..."
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"...as soon as I square away some new product."
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"Well, hot damn."
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"I am wetter than a slaughterhouse floor."
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"You're funny."
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"Yeah, I'm not kidding."
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"Lupita."
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"I haven't pumped. Are you giving him formula?"
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"Lupita, I'm breastfeeding."
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"Two people give you different directions:"
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"One, white woman from suburb..."
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"...the other, giant scary Mexican drug kingpin."
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"Who you listen to?"
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"There he is."
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"Did you tell Lupita to give the baby formula?"
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"-Yes. -I'm breastfeeding. You know this."
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"Peasants breastfeed."
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"-Peasants? -Yep."
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"First, it's better for the baby."
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"Actually, some studies suggest..."
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"...that the toxins you've ingested will come out in your breast milk."
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"I should unpack."
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"You are a politician's wife. We have work to do."
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"-Let the servants feed the baby. -No."
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"No more formula. Baby, booby."
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"-I mean it. -All right. As you wish, mi amor."
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"All babies wanna get born."
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"Stop killing babies."
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"Save the babies, don't kill them."
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"Don't you have to be 25 feet away, Gayle?"
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"Not from you."
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"What are you doing here?"
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"Pap smear."
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"Okay, before I climb in..."
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"...know that one phone call..."
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"...and assurances that you've cut all ties from Nancy, doesn't--"
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"You unwelded the door."
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"Bye, Gayle."
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"Fornicators!"
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"Read me what we got so far."
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""Doug and Dean's big list of ways to get revenge..."
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"...on that thieving, deceitful whore, Celia.""
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"-That's it. -Okay."
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"You need to be typing everything I say."
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"My ideas are golden."
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"-Sorry. -Number one:"
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"Tell her she won some shit, and then there's no shit."
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"Embarrassing."
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"Number two: We slip some spider-goats under her door."
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"-What the fuck are spider-goats? -Part goat, part spider."
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"Their milk has Kevlar webs. Look it up."
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"So they're these tiny little goats?"
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"No, they're big goats with spider genes."
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"How the fuck do we get them under the door?"
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"Good point. Number three."
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"We kick her in the twat."
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"We suck at this."
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"Okay, this is why we can't strategize good, Dean. Pot."
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"If we're going into battle, we have to have a clear head."
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