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Clips from 10-Year-Old-Tom - The Principal is Banging My Mom/Elderly Gerbil (S01E01)

"He's a wild animal."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Nelson's right. - Here we go."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Gerbils are direct descendants of wolves, Tom."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- They're not little wolves. - Tom, there are two things"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I know: buses and rodents."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Okay. - This guy's an apex predator."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"He needs an ecosystem where he can thrive and hunt and kill."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh. Okay."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"So where's the wilderness in Central Jersey?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Behind the TJ Maxx is perfect."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[percussive music]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Sorry, kids. Emergency pit stop."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Tom needs to hop out and poop real quick."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- No. Pee. I've gotta pee. Why would you say that?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- You need all the time you can get."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- He's right. I got to take a quick dump."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Tom, you're gonna make everybody late for school!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Just give me, like, a half hour."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Why now? We're, like, two minutes from school!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Hey, what can I say?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I prefer the woods. I can't hold it."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I need some privacy and some time."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[bell rings]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- [clapping] Okay, little angels."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"As you know, this weekend is our big--"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Hey, Tom? - Hey."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Are you okay? 'Cause there've been a lot"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"of high profile pooping incidents recently."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh, I wasn't really-- That was a decoy."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I did a good deed. I set my gerbil free."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Hm? - To live in the wilderness."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What? - In the woods behind TJ Maxx."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Tom, gerbils are domesticated pets."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Without food or water, he'll die!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What do you mean? He's like a wolf."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"He's like an apex predator, I was told."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What's their prey?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Little pellets that come in a bag?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Excuse me, you two. Is there something"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"more important going on than syncopation?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Tom's gerbil's in the woods behind TJ Maxx"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"and if we don't find him now, he's gonna die!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Your gerbil is on the loose? - I'm on it."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I'll blast out a community alert."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Tom, what's the reward? - Oh, just put down a dollar."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"My mom has money problems. - No, no. That's not enough."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Um, I'm gonna put in 10,000!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- 10,000? No, no, no! - Done. Let's go."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Done? - A 10 G gerbil!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- No, we--we never established the 10 G's."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Are you kidding me? Let's go find that gerbil!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Loser, swipe. Fake hair, swipe."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Fingered me in a parking lot, swipe."
10-Year-Old-Tom
""$10,000 reward for missing elderly gerbil"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"in woods behind TJ Maxx." Son of a bitch."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[tires squeal]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[dramatic music]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[children shouting anxiously]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[squeaking]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Okay, everyone. Welcome to the manhunt."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I really appreciate you coming out."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"As a very wise plumber once told me,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
""Every life is precious.""
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[tires screech, pop music playing]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Hi, everyone. Attention! Hi. Hello."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I'm Tom's mom. I'm in control here."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"And to clarify, there's no reward."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"That was a joke."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- A joke? What happened to the ten grand?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I'm gonna get fired"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"'cause I helped you search for this gerbil!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I'm gonna leave. - Okay, fine."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"For argument's sake, let's say there's a reward."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"You'll get $10,000. Of my own money."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Now, I'm gonna have Tom,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"my son here, explain who we're looking for."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Thanks, Ma. Well, he's of average weight."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"And average height. Average gerbil height."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Standard gerbil color. In the beige family."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Yeah, that doesn't help. - All right, he's elderly."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"So when you search, it's important that you yell,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
""Here, sweet baby Larry!""
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- So we're just looking for a nondescript animal"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"in a large wooded area while we're screaming,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
""Here, sweet baby Larry." - Oh, last thing."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"You need to cut up some sliced pears and say,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
""Who's ready for din din?""
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I know it's a lot. I know it's a lot."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Now, please,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"can we get serious and go find that gerbil?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[indistinct chatter]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Tom, we need to find Larry ourselves"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"or it's coming out of your college fund."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Ugh. You're not great at pep talks."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"♪ ♪"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Sweet baby Larry!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Larry! Larry, Larry, Larry!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Here, sweet Larry. - Who's ready for din din?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[overlapping "Larry"]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Tom, it's been two hours"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"and we've gone through five pounds of pears."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- We can't give up. We can't give up."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh, my gosh! Guys!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I think I found sweet baby Larry."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[squeaking]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- That's amazing! Hold on to him! I'm on my way!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I'm gonna get $10,000 rewa-- Ow!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I got him, people! The gerbil is safe."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"And I just saved 10 G's!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Ah! Great job, Mom!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Ah, it's so good to have Larry back."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- This is amazing. What a happy ending!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Everyone, over here! He's alive."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Larry, say thank you to the crowd."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[cheers and applause]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Ahhh!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Oh, son of a bitch hawk! [hawk caws]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a pet owner."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I tried to warn you. Do not talk to plumbers."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"You talk to a plumber, the next thing you know"
10-Year-Old-Tom
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