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Clips from Death in Love
"When you're young"
Death in Love
"and the woman in your hands is young,"
Death in Love
"you're provoked by the life in her skin;"
Death in Love
"in the muscles under her skin."
Death in Love
"You can smell life"
Death in Love
"in the sweet perfume of her sweat,"
Death in Love
"in her breath,"
Death in Love
"sweet perfume that can make you dizzy."
Death in Love
"You can sense life in the jittery convulsions"
Death in Love
"of her reaction to every new touch and sensation."
Death in Love
"And you feel young and alive"
Death in Love
"and jolted by excitement every time you come near her."
Death in Love
"But the older you get,"
Death in Love
"the older the woman in your hands gets,"
Death in Love
"you grow lulled by the lazy response"
Death in Love
"of her flesh to your touch,"
Death in Love
"lulled by the numb response of your own nerves to her flesh,"
Death in Love
"by the sluggish torpor of her muscles;"
Death in Love
"the souring perfume of her sweat;"
Death in Love
"of her tears;"
Death in Love
"the souring smell of her old guts"
Death in Love
"belching out air."
Death in Love
"And it's a curse,"
Death in Love
"because getting older doesn't make you"
Death in Love
"like being with an old woman"
Death in Love
"any more than you did when you were young."
Death in Love
"It's worse, really,"
Death in Love
"because it lacks even"
Death in Love
"the thrill of novelty or the forbidden."
Death in Love
"She's just old,"
Death in Love
"and she reminds you that you're old"
Death in Love
"and that your old shell is still taking up space"
Death in Love
"but that its life is almost gone."
Death in Love
"But nothing's worse"
Death in Love
"than being old and holding youth in your hands,"
Death in Love
"even youth that's thrilled by the novelty of you."
Death in Love
"Because you can still smell youth's sweetness,"
Death in Love
"feel the spring of muscles under her taut skin,"
Death in Love
"but you know it isn't yours."
Death in Love
"You're not sharing in it"
Death in Love
"but are feeding off it like some kind of vampire."
Death in Love
"And you wonder what the point is,"
Death in Love
"what the point of going on living,"
Death in Love
"the point of loving, the point of touching."
Death in Love
"And all your instincts, your training,"
Death in Love
"have made you too afraid to pull the trigger"
Death in Love
"and end it yourself,"
Death in Love
"to take responsibility that nature has abdicated"
Death in Love
"into your own trembling, weakening hands."
Death in Love
"You stare at those hands,"
Death in Love
"studying them, wondering what they are,"
Death in Love
"why you can't make them do what you want them to do."
Death in Love
"You stare down at your hands"
Death in Love
"and you realize that even your own hands"
Death in Love
"aren't really yours anymore."
Death in Love
"And you look up from your hand into the mirror"
Death in Love
"and you see a face that you recognize,"
Death in Love
"a face that you've been staring at for your entire life,"
Death in Love
"for eternity,"
Death in Love
"and you remember that the face is yours,"
Death in Love
"but you have no idea who you are anymore."
Death in Love
"And the person you once were"
Death in Love
"who had any kind of cohesiveness or connection to himself"
Death in Love
"feels a million Miles away,"
Death in Love
"like the native of some alien planet"
Death in Love
"you visited long ago"
Death in Love
"in another lifetime."
Death in Love
"That's what it's like to be 40"
Death in Love
"Jesus Christ, you look better than my brother."
Death in Love
"He just graduated law school."
Death in Love
"That's the curse I'm talking about:"
Death in Love
"What you're looking at isn't real,"
Death in Love
"none of it."
Death in Love
"You do smell kind of different from younger guys."
Death in Love
"Their sweat is electric."
Death in Love
"It's scary,"
Death in Love
"not so much fun sometimes."
Death in Love
"I mean, your muscles are still there and everything,"
Death in Love
"but it's different."
Death in Love
"It's mellower."
Death in Love
"I feel like I can relax."
Death in Love
"I don't know if you remember,"
Death in Love
"but it's not so much fun being young"
Death in Love
"and freaked out about everything all the time."
Death in Love
"It doesn't change."
Death in Love
"Haven't you even been listening to me?"
Death in Love
"I know 14-year-old girls who sound like you do."
Death in Love
"I bet you sounded exactly the same when you were 14,"
Death in Love
"although you'd have something different to be depressed about,"
Death in Love
"'cause you wouldn't be old."
Death in Love
"Old? I'm 40."
Death in Love
"You said it."
Death in Love
"God could reverse your age back 20 years,"
Death in Love
"and you'd still be complaining"
Death in Love
"about how you miss being old again."
Death in Love
"- I'm not old. - No."
Death in Love
"You're depressed."
Death in Love
"Being old's got nothing to do with it."
Death in Love
"I'll tell you the worst part about getting old."
Death in Love
"You said you weren't."
Death in Love
"It's getting lectured by kids who think they know everything."
Death in Love
"That's the worst part."
Death in Love
"It's getting lectured by kids"
Death in Love
"who think that all the shit you're going through now"
Death in Love
"is gonna add up to something good later,"
Death in Love
"that for everything you lose, you'll gain something."
Death in Love
"Well, you won't."
Death in Love
"I am doing you a fucking favor."
Death in Love
"You want to hang out"
Death in Love
"with an old guy so you can feel relaxed?"
Death in Love
"Well, then allow him to do you this favor"
Death in Love
"and tell you that you will lose everything and gain nothing,"
Death in Love
"not a single fucking thing"
Death in Love
"except the knowledge that you've lost everything"
Death in Love
"and gained nothing."
Death in Love
"Nothing?"
Death in Love
"You say you want to do me a favor,"
Death in Love
"but you give me nothing."
Death in Love
"How's that doing me a favor?"
Death in Love
"By helping you lower your expectations."
Death in Love
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