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Clips from Archer - Best Friends (S11E11)

"- Wait, I'm Cyril bait? - Indeed you are."
Archer
"He was top agent during your coma."
Archer
"He won't let you die."
Archer
"‐ Let me explain something, Aleister."
Archer
"I create bait, I use bait,"
Archer
"and yes, sometimes I accidentally shoot bait."
Archer
"But I will never be bait for Cyril goddamn Figgis."
Archer
"‐ [grunts, groans]"
Archer
"[suspenseful music]"
Archer
"♪ ♪"
Archer
"And the Steak Aleister was just adequate."
Archer
"Whoo‐hoo! Zip liiiine!"
Archer
"Cyril: Boom goes the personnel health‐care form."
Archer
"I'd like to see a regular field agent"
Archer
"fill these out in triplicate."
Archer
"- Archer: Cyriiiiil! - Archer. [chuckles nervously]"
Archer
"What are you doing here after normal business hours?"
Archer
"‐ I'm here during showdown hour."
Archer
"‐ Oh, God, is this an honor thing?"
Archer
"I'll just say you have more honor."
Archer
"‐ No, I need to defeat you in battle"
Archer
"to prove I'm the world's best spy"
Archer
"so Aleister will try and kill me."
Archer
"‐ Aha, so your valet is trying to kill you."
Archer
"‐ Well, right now, he's trying to kill you."
Archer
"‐ What?"
Archer
"‐ But after I shoot you, he'll try to kill me."
Archer
"Keep up, Cyril. Go get a weapon."
Archer
"I've got a gun, so probably a gun."
Archer
"- I'm not gonna shoot you. - Why not?"
Archer
"‐ For one thing, it's wrong. Also, you've got a bad leg."
Archer
"[gunshot]"
Archer
"‐ Cyril, you're making this more annoying"
Archer
"than it needs to be."
Archer
"Cyril: So just don't shoot me!"
Archer
"‐ If I don't, Aleister will."
Archer
"Wouldn't you rather get shot by someone you know,"
Archer
"like me?"
Archer
"‐ Is there a no shooting option?"
Archer
"‐ Unfortunately, no. [gunshot]"
Archer
"‐ Pretty sure shooting a coworker"
Archer
"is an HR violation."
Archer
"[screams]"
Archer
"‐ [laughs]"
Archer
"Cyril, we were in this elevator"
Archer
"when it exploded, like, two hours ago."
Archer
"How do you forget that?"
Archer
"Hey, I thought you broke your arm."
Archer
"‐ Well, I didn't."
Archer
"I just wanted to take a break from missions,"
Archer
"and I thought I had to hide it."
Archer
"‐ Good instinct. Cyril: But you know what?"
Archer
"I was good enough in the field"
Archer
"that some assassin thinks I'm the world's best spy,"
Archer
"which means I can do your job and my office job."
Archer
"And there's no shame in choosing the office."
Archer
"‐ Hmm, can we still say that I beat you?"
Archer
"‐ I mean, technically this shaft beat me."
Archer
"- Phrasing. - You win!"
Archer
"‐ Good, which means I am officially the world's best‐‐"
Archer
"[gunshot] Ow!"
Archer
"‐ But not for long."
Archer
"Last words before I kill you both?"
Archer
"‐ Both? But he beat me."
Archer
"‐ Making me the world's best spy."
Archer
"‐ Field spy. I'm the top office spy."
Archer
"‐ Sure. I don't care about that."
Archer
"‐ Killing you both seems easiest."
Archer
"‐ Too bad I'm wearing a bulletproof vest."
Archer
"‐ Too bad I removed all the armor plating."
Archer
"‐ Oh, damn. That is too bad."
Archer
"Wait, just one question. Why use me to get to Cyril?"
Archer
"‐ Why? Because you're best friends."
Archer
"- What? - Aww."
Archer
"‐ I can't stand this guy."
Archer
"‐ You spend hours a day with him."
Archer
"- True. - We work together."
Archer
"‐ You talk about him more than anyone else."
Archer
"‐ [gasps] Really?"
Archer
"‐ To criticize how stupid he is."
Archer
"‐ Oh, please."
Archer
"He was the first person you told about your new office."
Archer
"- Wow, you told me first? - To spite you."
Archer
"- We are best friends. - Maybe I'm your best friend."
Archer
"You're my worst... stranger."
Archer
"‐ It's a classic odd couple fight."
Archer
"‐ Okay, it's one thing to say I'm not the world's best spy."
Archer
"But saying I'm Cyril's best friend"
Archer
"is an insult that will not stand."
Archer
"‐ That's a bit hurtful."
Archer
"‐ You realize you've brought a cane to a gunfight?"
Archer
"‐ I realize shooting an unarmed guy"
Archer
"would make you a huge loser."
Archer
"‐ Touché."
Archer
"[sword shings]"
Archer
"both: Cool."
Archer
"‐ Stop it. We're not friends."
Archer
"If you can kill me, then you can kill Cyril."
Archer
"‐ What? Wait, he doesn't have that power."
Archer
"‐ Very good, sir."
Archer
"‐ You made me believe I could love a valet again"
Archer
"and then besmirched Woodhouse's memory."
Archer
"You besmirched!"
Archer
"- It was a job, sir. - Not to me!"
Archer
"‐ Not my concern."
Archer
"♪ ♪"
Archer
"‐ [groans]"
Archer
"♪ ♪"
Archer
"‐ Well, you guys seem busy, and I've got paperwork, so..."
Archer
"‐ It can wait! I'm sorry, sir."
Archer
"Perhaps you should have kept up"
Archer
"with those rehabilitation exercises."
Archer
"‐ Oh, but I did."
Archer
"[grunts]"
Archer
"Aleister: [gasps]"
Archer
"[grunts] [fabric tears]"
Archer
"Well driven, sir."
Archer
"‐ God damn it. It didn't have to be this way."
Archer
"‐ It did."
Archer
"But it wasn't just a job for me."
Archer
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