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Clips from Bust Down - Post Nut Promises (S01E01)

"but I can't see my dick juice later?"
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"Then I guess I gotta close my account"
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"and go take my business elsewhere. Ha."
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"- Chris. - What?"
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"- This isn't a real bank."
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"That's why you see all these pictures"
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"of urethras on the walls."
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"- I thought that was Georgia O'Queef."
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"- The only way the sperm leaves"
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"is if it leaves fertilized inside a lady."
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"- Hm."
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"So you're saying that little baby that white lady holding,"
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"that could be mine?"
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"- Actually, despite your many,"
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"many visits, no one's actually ever wanted your specimen."
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"- No--no one? - No."
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"- They said that? - Not a single person."
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"You're completely baby-free."
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"- Baby-free. No, that's cool."
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"That's real cool. It's cool to be free."
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"Wait, hold on. Hold on, Chris."
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"Come on. You're Chris Henson."
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"You played football one time and didn't get hurt."
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"If they don't wanna use your nut,"
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"it's because they don't know the potential of that nut."
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"Thank you, Lucille. I appreciate you."
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"Ladies and gentlemen of the sperm bank,"
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"it's time to let me cum inside of you."
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"- Sam's scared to handle her own business,"
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"but don't worry, baby."
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"I'll take care of her for you."
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"Uh, I guess I should introduce myself."
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"I'm Langston."
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"I guess I'm technically your uncle."
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"Although, not in the traditional sense."
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"You don't have a traditional family."
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"Lesbians--"
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"- You doing the census?"
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"- No, I'm Sam's friend."
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"- Uh."
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"[baby cries]"
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"- Um--"
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"- He don't like eating inside."
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"- That is a thing some people do."
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"I've been speaking with Sam"
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"and through mentorship, she now understands"
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"that she does in fact have responsibility for your baby."
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"And--and Sam also understands"
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"that what happened the other night was simply a mother,"
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"trying to do what's best for her unconventional family."
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"And most importantly, Sam would like to reach an agreement"
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"so that incidents like what transpired,"
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"never have to happen again."
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"- Aw, nah, I'ma fuck that bitch up every time I see her."
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"- Okay, that's not what you were supposed to say."
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"- People been doing me dirty my whole life."
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"Shit felt different with Sam."
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"I introduced her to my psychic."
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"- Oh, no."
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"- She really led me on for real."
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"All she had to do was treat me like shit from the top,"
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"and I wouldn't even be mad."
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"But tried to play sisterhood and intimacy."
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"So now whenever I see her, it's on and popping."
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"- Right, okay. I hear you."
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"I hear you."
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"But don't you need help with the baby?"
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"You don't wanna raise a baby around domestic violence."
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"- That wasn't no domestic violence."
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"We don't even live together."
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"- Why does everybody keep saying that?"
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"- And besides, you don't think I could provide for my kid?"
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"I'm not some down and out single mom."
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"I got a good job,"
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"I only eat hotdogs by choice,"
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"and I mind my damn business."
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"Unlike you."
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"Me and my baby good over here."
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"- But your baby is eating steak in the sun."
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"You didn't even cut it up--"
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"Ohh! Ooh!"
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"Fuck you!"
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"* *"
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"- Gary, Indiana. 12:37 p.m."
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"A two-timing lesbian is accused of fathering a baby"
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"without busting a nut."
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"But if there's no daddy sauce in that dildo,"
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"then whose nut was it?"
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"And who's really getting fucked?"
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"- 86, 87."
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"Hundred! Whoo!"
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"That's a lot of goddamn pushups."
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"No pushups for fat niggas."
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"You know what I'm saying? You like what you see, ladies,"
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"go ahead and pick cum number 115913."
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"Okay? And if you like me,"
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"you can find me at the same number,"
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"add three more numbers."
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"You can't even read. What you doing?"
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"Hey, I also make omelets. Hold that."
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"You ever seen a nigga moonwalk with his back?"
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"That's some new shit. That's some real new shit"
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"right there."
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"[in deep, gravelly voice] Beneath me lies an army"
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"of vermin pushing deadbeat daddyhood."
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"When the accumulated nut floods the building"
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"and all these sinners drown in the strange men's pudding,"
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"they'll look up and they'll say, "Save us.""
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"And I'll look down and I'll whisper, "Nah.""
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"And they'll say, "Who said that?""
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"And I'll say, "Me, Jak.""
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"And they'll say, "Who's Jak?""
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"And I'll say, "Damn, I should've introduced myself.""
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"- You wanna see how the sauce is made?"
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"Like that, like that, like that."
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"- I made it inside,"
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"but the real question still remains."
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"Who made it inside of Tiki?"
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"[door opens]"
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"- [muffled cry]"
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