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Clips from Seinfeld - The Lip Reader (S05E05)

"Oh, like that's some kind of a cool job. I know your type."
Seinfeld
"Think you're too good for everyone. But it's women like you-"
Seinfeld
"Oh, well- What, are you deaf?"
Seinfeld
"Bingo."
Seinfeld
"- And you're saying she's deaf? - I'm not saying she's deaf. She's deaf."
Seinfeld
"- Can't hear a thing. - Can't hear a thing."
Seinfeld
"- You're gonna go out with her? - Isn't that something?"
Seinfeld
"- Hey. - Hi."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah, you know, I know how to sign. - Really?"
Seinfeld
"When I was 8, I had a deaf cousin who lived with us for about a year."
Seinfeld
"Of course, you know, I haven't been able to do it in a while."
Seinfeld
"What is this about?"
Seinfeld
"I met this deaf lineswoman at the tennis match."
Seinfeld
"You are kidding. That is amazing."
Seinfeld
"I just took a car service from work."
Seinfeld
"To get the driver not to talk to me, I pretended I was going deaf."
Seinfeld
"- Good plan. - It didn't work. He caught me hearing."
Seinfeld
"All right. It's terrible, but I'm not terrible."
Seinfeld
"- No. - No."
Seinfeld
"No. When I shoo squirrels away, I always say, "Get out of here.""
Seinfeld
"I never, ever throw things at them and try to injure them..."
Seinfeld
"- ...like other people. - That's nice."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. And when I see freaks in the street, I never, ever stare at them."
Seinfeld
"And yet I'm careful not to look away."
Seinfeld
"See, because I wanna make the freaks feel comfortable."
Seinfeld
"- That's nice for the freaks. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"I don't pouf my hair when I go to the movies..."
Seinfeld
"...so people behind me can see."
Seinfeld
"I gotta make it up to this guy. I won't be able to live with myself."
Seinfeld
"- What can I do? - Why don't you get him some tickets."
Seinfeld
"- Your friend works at a ticket agency. - Yeah. Pete."
Seinfeld
"- He can get you tickets to something. - Really?"
Seinfeld
"Like a rock concert. Whatever you like."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, great. Thanks, Kramer. - Yeah. You got it."
Seinfeld
"Hey, Jerry, do me a favor. Next time you see that lineswoman..."
Seinfeld
"...ask her how those ball boys get those jobs."
Seinfeld
"I would love to be able to do that."
Seinfeld
"I think perhaps you've overlooked one of the key aspects of this activity."
Seinfeld
"It's ball boys, not ball men. There are no ball men."
Seinfeld
"I think he's right. I've never seen a ball man."
Seinfeld
"- Well, there ought to be ball men. - All right, I'll talk to her."
Seinfeld
"You wanna be a ball man, go ahead. Break the ball barrier. Hey!"
Seinfeld
"A friend of mine from work said she saw George at the tennis match..."
Seinfeld
"- ...on TV yesterday. - Yeah. Yeah, me too."
Seinfeld
"He was at the snack bar eating a hot fudge sundae."
Seinfeld
"He had it all over his face."
Seinfeld
"He's wearing that chocolate on his face like a beard."
Seinfeld
"And they got in there really nice and tight, and he's:"
Seinfeld
"- I'm sorry, George. - But..."
Seinfeld
"...I don't understand. Things were going so great."
Seinfeld
"What happened? Something must've happened."
Seinfeld
"It's not you. It's me."
Seinfeld
"You're giving me the "it's not you, it's me" routine?"
Seinfeld
"I invented "it's not you, it's me." Nobody tells me it's them, not me."
Seinfeld
"- If it's anybody, it's me. - All right."
Seinfeld
"- George, it's you. - You are damn right it's me."
Seinfeld
"- I was just trying to- - I know what you were trying to do."
Seinfeld
"- Nobody does it better than me. - I'm sure you do it very well."
Seinfeld
"Yes, well, unfortunately, you'll never get the chance to find out."
Seinfeld
"- But I thought things were going great. - Yeah, so did I."
Seinfeld
"- Did she say why? - No."
Seinfeld
"She tried to give me the "it's not you, it's me" routine."
Seinfeld
"- But that's your routine. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Well, apparently word's out."
Seinfeld
"Hey. Hey, Georgie, I saw you on TV yesterday."
Seinfeld
"Really? At the tennis match?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah. You were at the snack bar eating the hot fudge sundae."
Seinfeld
"Get out of here. I didn't see any cameras there."
Seinfeld
"Oh, the camera was... there."
Seinfeld
"And the announcers, they made a couple of cracks about you."
Seinfeld
"Cracks?"
Seinfeld
"What were they saying?"
Seinfeld
"That you had ice cream all over your face."
Seinfeld
"They were talking about how funny you looked."
Seinfeld
"Oh, my God. Maybe Gwen saw it. Maybe that's what did it."
Seinfeld
"Well, I'll tell you, it wasn't a pretty sight."
Seinfeld
"She must've seen me eating it on TV."
Seinfeld
"She sees you with hot fudge on your face and ends it?"
Seinfeld
"- You think she'd be that superficial? - Why not? I would be."
Seinfeld
"Hello? Oh, hi, Dad."
Seinfeld
"You saw him?"
Seinfeld
"Really, with the ice cream? All right, I'll talk to you later. Bye."
Seinfeld
"- Your parents saw me on TV? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"This is a nightmare. Kramer, how long was I on?"
Seinfeld
"It felt like eight seconds."
Seinfeld
"One-1000. Two-1000. Three-1000-"
Seinfeld
"I heard you really inhaled that thing. Did anyone tape it?"
Seinfeld
"Can we move on?"
Seinfeld
"- What? - He thinks Gwen broke up with him..."
Seinfeld
"...because she saw him eating the ice cream on TV."
Seinfeld
"Come on. If she's that superficial, you don't want her."
Seinfeld
"Yes, I do."
Seinfeld
"I guess you're not going to Todd's party on Friday."
Seinfeld
"Well, I can't now. Gwen's gonna be there."
Seinfeld
"She should be the one that shouldn't go."
Seinfeld
"If a couple breaks up with plans to go to a neutral place, who withdraws?"
Seinfeld
"- What's the etiquette? - Excellent question."
Seinfeld
"I mean, I think she should withdraw."
Seinfeld
"She's the breaker. He's the breakee. He needs to get on with his life."
Seinfeld
"- I beg to differ. - Really?"
Seinfeld
"He's the loser."
Seinfeld
"She's the victor. To the victor belong the spoils."
Seinfeld
"Well, I don't care. I don't want to go anyway."
Seinfeld
"I don't wanna fight that traffic on Friday."
Seinfeld
"We can take my office's car service."
Seinfeld
"- Really? - Yeah. They don't know."
Seinfeld
"- All right. I'll see you later. - Okay."
Seinfeld
"- Hey, Georgie, you coming? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
""To the victor go the spoils.""
Seinfeld
"What are you doing tonight?"
Seinfeld
"I got a date with Laura, the lineswoman."
Seinfeld
"Why?"
Seinfeld
"- What are you doing? - I was just gonna wander the streets."
Seinfeld
"I don't want to tag along with you or anything."
Seinfeld
"You wanted to come with us?"
Seinfeld
"Jerry, please."
Seinfeld
"It's very nice, but..."
Seinfeld
"Where would we be going?"
Seinfeld
"So I've got ice cream all over my face. There were no napkins there."
Seinfeld
"Whoever is responsible for stocking that concession stand..."
Seinfeld
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