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Clips from Cheers - Diane's Perfect Date (S01E01)

I think, if nobody minds, I'll take my lunch now.

"I think, if nobody minds, I'll take my lunch now."

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Good.

"Good."

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- Coach, would you mind? - Here you are, honey.

"- Coach, would you mind? - Here you are, honey."

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I've got some lovely roast beef for a sandwich.

"I've got some lovely roast beef for a sandwich."

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Carla, if it bothers you, I could eat in the back.

"Carla, if it bothers you, I could eat in the back."

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No. I was a little nauseous before, but I'm fine now.

"No. I was a little nauseous before, but I'm fine now."

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Great.

"Great."

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You know, I'm starting to feel a little hungry myself.

"You know, I'm starting to feel a little hungry myself."

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Would you mind handing me my lunch there, Coach?

"Would you mind handing me my lunch there, Coach?"

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Thanks. Thank you.

"Thanks. Thank you."

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Mind if I join you, Diane?

"Mind if I join you, Diane?"

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Not at all.

"Not at all."

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You know, that's another thing about pregnancy: you get cravings.

"You know, that's another thing about pregnancy: you get cravings."

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Green olive,

"Green olive,"

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red pimiento,

"red pimiento,"

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nice juicy anchovy.

"nice juicy anchovy."

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Now, you open the little anchovy's mouth.

"Now, you open the little anchovy's mouth."

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Red pimiento. Stuff it into the anchovy's mouth.

"Red pimiento. Stuff it into the anchovy's mouth."

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Sugar.

"Sugar."

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I think I've just lost my appetite...

"I think I've just lost my appetite..."

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for ever.

"for ever."

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Works every time.

"Works every time."

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- Evening, everybody. - Norm!

"- Evening, everybody. - Norm!"

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- Beer, Norm? - That sudsy amber stuff, right?

"- Beer, Norm? - That sudsy amber stuff, right?"

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- Yeah. - I've heard good things about it.

"- Yeah. - I've heard good things about it."

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- How's it going, Norm? - Don't ask.

"- How's it going, Norm? - Don't ask."

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It's no fun looking for work, Sammy.

"It's no fun looking for work, Sammy."

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- You going out on interviews? - Three today.

"- You going out on interviews? - Three today."

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My resumé, right.

"My resumé, right."

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Last guy I show it to reads it, laughs in my face.

"Last guy I show it to reads it, laughs in my face."

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Why would he do something like that?

"Why would he do something like that?"

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I'm sorry. It's just that it's pretty skimpy, isn't it?

"I'm sorry. It's just that it's pretty skimpy, isn't it?"

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You were born, worked at one company, and you're five foot ten.

"You were born, worked at one company, and you're five foot ten."

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What you gotta do is pep this up a little bit.

"What you gotta do is pep this up a little bit."

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- That's cheating. - That's pepping it up.

"- That's cheating. - That's pepping it up."

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Everybody does it. It's expected of you.

"Everybody does it. It's expected of you."

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You just take what's here, just spice it up a bit?

"You just take what's here, just spice it up a bit?"

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Looky.There's Diane and her date back from the weekend.

"Looky.There's Diane and her date back from the weekend."

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Thanks for dropping me off, Walter. Bye-bye.

"Thanks for dropping me off, Walter. Bye-bye."

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Do you wanna hear me do it one last time?

"Do you wanna hear me do it one last time?"

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No, Walter. I have to get to work now.

"No, Walter. I have to get to work now."

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28.

"28."

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Introduce me to your co-workers. They'd get a bang out of this.

"Introduce me to your co-workers. They'd get a bang out of this."

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I don't think...

"I don't think..."

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Hello, Sam. Walter Franklin, Sam Malone.

"Hello, Sam. Walter Franklin, Sam Malone."

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- How do you do? - Ten.

"- How do you do? - Ten."

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He can tell you instantly how many letters there are in any sentence.

"He can tell you instantly how many letters there are in any sentence."

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66.

"66."

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- That's quite a gift. - 15.

"- That's quite a gift. - 15."

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- We've been at it all weekend. - How many days was it like?

"- We've been at it all weekend. - How many days was it like?"

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24.

"24."

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Listen, Walter, I have to go to work now.

"Listen, Walter, I have to go to work now."

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- Thanks again for a lovely weekend. - Two sentences. 30 and 28.

"- Thanks again for a lovely weekend. - Two sentences. 30 and 28."

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- Stop doing that. - 19.

"- Stop doing that. - 19."

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- I mean it. - Seven.

"- I mean it. - Seven."

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That's enough of this. I'd better get going.

"That's enough of this. I'd better get going."

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Goodbye, Diane. Nice seeing you, Sam.

"Goodbye, Diane. Nice seeing you, Sam."

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- Yeah. - Four.

"- Yeah. - Four."

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- By the way, Walter... - 14. Yes, Sam. What is it?

"- By the way, Walter... - 14. Yes, Sam. What is it?"

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How was Diane on a scale of 100?

"How was Diane on a scale of 100?"

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29.

"29."

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Quite a catch.

"Quite a catch."

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- Thank you. - So's a largemouth bass.

"- Thank you. - So's a largemouth bass."

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Walter happens to be a distinguished geneticist.

"Walter happens to be a distinguished geneticist."

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He studies genets.

"He studies genets."

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Nice to be back.

"Nice to be back."

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OK, Sammy, we're rolling here.

"OK, Sammy, we're rolling here."

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Those job offers ought to start pouring in now.

"Those job offers ought to start pouring in now."

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"Norm Peterson: thought-provoking,

""Norm Peterson: thought-provoking,"

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poignant, hilarious, a roller coaster of emotions."

"poignant, hilarious, a roller coaster of emotions.""

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"If you hire only one accountant this year, make it Norm Peterson."

""If you hire only one accountant this year, make it Norm Peterson.""

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What is this?

"What is this?"

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He had the paper open on the movie section, Sam.

"He had the paper open on the movie section, Sam."

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Here's the part I like best:

"Here's the part I like best:"

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"At last, an accountant the whole family can go see."

""At last, an accountant the whole family can go see.""

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It's no use. Nobody's gonna hire me anyway.

"It's no use. Nobody's gonna hire me anyway."

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Hang in there. Something'll turn up.

"Hang in there. Something'll turn up."

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You ever thought about doing anything else besides accounting?

"You ever thought about doing anything else besides accounting?"

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I was in the motor pool in the service.

"I was in the motor pool in the service."

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- I learned about engines. - Like what?

"- I learned about engines. - Like what?"

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How to use them for shade.

"How to use them for shade."

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Let's go and have a look at these want ads.

"Let's go and have a look at these want ads."

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Hello, there.

"Hello, there."

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- Did you have a nice weekend? - I had a wonderful weekend.

"- Did you have a nice weekend? - I had a wonderful weekend."

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Went to Martha's Vineyard, long walks on the beach,

"Went to Martha's Vineyard, long walks on the beach,"

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hiked over the dunes, crisscrossed the island on bicycles.

"hiked over the dunes, crisscrossed the island on bicycles."

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Still couldn't lose him?

"Still couldn't lose him?"

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You now, you are the last person in the world

"You now, you are the last person in the world"

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who should take shots at somebody else's choice of dates.

"who should take shots at somebody else's choice of dates."

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Not with the coterie of Betty Boops you squander you time,

"Not with the coterie of Betty Boops you squander you time,"

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money and hormones on.

"money and hormones on."

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- I date terrific women. - Yes. And talented.

"- I date terrific women. - Yes. And talented."

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Without them, the art of gum-snapping might be lost for ever.

"Without them, the art of gum-snapping might be lost for ever."

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At least my dates don't count the number of letters in sentences.

"At least my dates don't count the number of letters in sentences."

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Your dates can't form sentences.

"Your dates can't form sentences."

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OK. You like dating nerds, nerds it is.

"OK. You like dating nerds, nerds it is."

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The next time I decide to go out, I'll check with you first.

"The next time I decide to go out, I'll check with you first."

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That would be a very good idea.

"That would be a very good idea."

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I suppose you know better than I whom I should date?

"I suppose you know better than I whom I should date?"

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I do, lady. I could set you up with the best date you ever had.

"I do, lady. I could set you up with the best date you ever had."

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- That's ridiculous. - I could. Do you want me to?

"- That's ridiculous. - I could. Do you want me to?"

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Would you let me set you up?

"Would you let me set you up?"

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Yeah. Why not?

"Yeah. Why not?"

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I'm tempted to do this, to see what kind of a joke you'd bring in.

"I'm tempted to do this, to see what kind of a joke you'd bring in."

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- I haven't had a laugh for a week. - Certainly not in a weekend.

"- I haven't had a laugh for a week. - Certainly not in a weekend."

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- I resent that. - 11 .

"- I resent that. - 11 ."

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All right, Mr Matchmaker, you're on. Let's set each other up.

"All right, Mr Matchmaker, you're on. Let's set each other up."

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You got it. You're not gonna pull out on me?

"You got it. You're not gonna pull out on me?"

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If you go out with mine, I'll go out with yours.

"If you go out with mine, I'll go out with yours."

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- Tomorrow night? - Well, I'll have...

"- Tomorrow night? - Well, I'll have..."

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I just thought of the perfect woman.

"I just thought of the perfect woman."

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Yes. Bright, witty, attractive.

"Yes. Bright, witty, attractive."

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Perfect.

"Perfect."

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- This is great. I can't wait. - All right. OK.

"- This is great. I can't wait. - All right. OK."

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8.30 tomorrow night?

"8.30 tomorrow night?"

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Two draughts.

"Two draughts."

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Carla, who do I know who'd be a good match for Diane?

"Carla, who do I know who'd be a good match for Diane?"

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What about that guy you used to play ball with, Fred Wilson?

"What about that guy you used to play ball with, Fred Wilson?"

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Fred's dead, Carla.

"Fred's dead, Carla."

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So, she has to drive.

"So, she has to drive."

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