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Clips from Galavant - Two Balls (S01E01)

"At least let's not lie to each other about that."
Galavant
"You know what? You stay detached and apathetic, Galavant."
Galavant
"You do it quite well."
Galavant
"And whilst you do, I will put on my pretty purple dress"
Galavant
"for my new friend and pretend to be his bride-to-be."
Galavant
"And maybe that makes me all sugar and spice"
Galavant
"and everything nice, but Lord knows I much prefer that"
Galavant
"over rudeness and sarcasm and back spasms!"
Galavant
"Bit of a stretch."
Galavant
"I trained in monologues, not poetry!"
Galavant
""I'm so jealous of the girl who gets to be your wife."
Galavant
"Love, mom.""
Galavant
"Hey, Gareth, did you see how excited"
Galavant
"Madalena got about this party?"
Galavant
"I should have shown her my magnanimous side weeks ago."
Galavant
"Speaking of wifey, is she still locked up there"
Galavant
"banging out jokes with the Jester?"
Galavant
"I suspect they're banging out a few things, yes, sir."
Galavant
"Wonderful."
Galavant
"Ooh, my chef! Talk to me, kiddo."
Galavant
"Uh, uh, oh, well, my... my research shows"
Galavant
"that the Valencians have religious aversions to meat,"
Galavant
"and they live almost entirely off their own crops."
Galavant
"How resourceful."
Galavant
"It was, My King."
Galavant
"Unfortunately, you burned all their crops during the invasion."
Galavant
"- Yeah? - You set their fields ablaze"
Galavant
"and... and announced to all the lands, uh..."
Galavant
""Ooh, yeah. Take that, Valencia.""
Galavant
"You kept only a small portion of vegetables for yourself."
Galavant
"Oh, of course..."
Galavant
"The carrot getting stuck in the teeth."
Galavant
"That's why I needed to have the toothpicks made."
Galavant
"Tell you what. Let's table this for the time being."
Galavant
"We'll work something else out."
Galavant
"So, Gareth, have you found me any musicians?"
Galavant
"Well, unfortunately, we executed all their musicians,"
Galavant
"but I've improvised."
Galavant
"These are our executioners,"
Galavant
"and this geezer is really good on the drums."
Galavant
"Oh, wonderful. What songs do you know how to play?"
Galavant
"Hmm?"
Galavant
"It is catchy. I'll give you that."
Galavant
"It's not quite right, though. What else do you know?"
Galavant
"Uh, we... we mainly just know death, My King."
Galavant
"Chef, I've killed... Most of your family, right?"
Galavant
"Wiped them out all out, My King."
Galavant
"Excellent. Tell me, what does a person do just before they die?"
Galavant
"Well, my father cried."
Galavant
"A lot of them do weep, actually."
Galavant
"- And they wet theirselves. - Oh."
Galavant
"- Also true. Yeah. - Yeah."
Galavant
"Well, this already sounds like a song."
Galavant
"- It just needs the dancing part. - Mm."
Galavant
"I want a solid beat, but keep it peppy."
Galavant
"Ah. How about this?"
Galavant
"A-one, two, a-one, two, three, four."
Galavant
"Big finish."
Galavant
"You know what? That is really close."
Galavant
"But let's just keep workshopping it, okay?"
Galavant
"You'll be great."
Galavant
"Well, another party for the fancy folk that get to bathe once a month."
Galavant
"Oh, that reminds me."
Galavant
"Did you hear about the knight that got off his high horse?"
Galavant
"- No. - Me, neither."
Galavant
"Knights suck."
Galavant
"They're not all that bad, are they?"
Galavant
"- Sure, they are! - Worse, even!"
Galavant
"♪ Your average knight in armor, he's utterly the pits ♪"
Galavant
"♪ His ego's so humongous that his helmet barely fits ♪"
Galavant
"♪ He wears two tons of padding and thinks he's quite the man ♪"
Galavant
"♪ He's nothing but a jackass in a fancy metal can ♪"
Galavant
"♪ A jackass in a can ♪"
Galavant
"♪ There's nothing worser than ♪"
Galavant
"♪ Some high-and-mighty jackass in a can ♪"
Galavant
"My master hasn't had a sip of his grog"
Galavant
"without my spit in it in years."
Galavant
"I've got him craving it now."
Galavant
"I gave it to him once without, and he said it didn't taste right."
Galavant
"So... what about your knight?"
Galavant
"As bad as ours?"
Galavant
"Oh, uh... yeah, sure."
Galavant
"There's all that fame and glory?"
Galavant
"The smell, though, not so great."
Galavant
"And then, those big, long lances."
Galavant
"Yeah, to overcompensate."
Galavant
"The glamour and swagger?"
Galavant
"Yeah, I'm really not a fan."
Galavant
"- He's quite a... - Major Dillweed."
Galavant
"♪ In a fancy metal can ♪"
Galavant
"♪ A Dillweed in a can ♪"
Galavant
"♪ There's nothing lamer than ♪"
Galavant
"♪ A condescending Dillweed in a can ♪"
Galavant
"And who does all the planning?"
Galavant
"- Yeah. Who does all the work? - True."
Galavant
"♪ Who gets no vacation? ♪"
Galavant
"- ♪ Not one pay raise, not one perk ♪ - Good point."
Galavant
"Whose lousy insurance comes without a dental plan?"
Galavant
"♪ Your average, humble squire? ♪"
Galavant
"Not the meathead in the can!"
Galavant
"♪ That jerkface in a can ♪"
Galavant
"♪ There's nothing sadder than ♪"
Galavant
"♪ Some over-muscled, chauvinistic ♪"
Galavant
"♪ Self-indulgent, egotistic ♪"
Galavant
"♪ Stingy, prissy, narcississy ♪"
Galavant
"♪ Jackass in a can ♪"
Galavant
"Oh, my God. That's me."
Galavant
"Really hoping for better turnout."
Galavant
"This is everyone we have left."
Galavant
"100% turnout! Fantastic!"
Galavant
"Oh, good, you're here."
Galavant
"Babe, can you believe what I've thrown together?"
Galavant
"You're really feeling King Richard the magnanimous"
Galavant
"right now, aren't you, huh? Hmm?"
Galavant
"Okay, I know you two have been working really hard."
Galavant
"Jester, they are primed and ready, so get your jingly bells up on that stage."
Galavant
"Come on, darling. Let's go."
Galavant
"Oh, thanks for putting in the work, darling."
Galavant
"You know, this is nice, us co-hosting like this."
Galavant
"We need to find more activities we can do together."
Galavant
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