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Clips from Cheers - Diane Meets Mom (S03E03)

OH, SOUNDS DELICIOUS! DOESN'T IT, DIANE?

"OH, SOUNDS DELICIOUS! DOESN'T IT, DIANE?"

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UH...UH...

"UH...UH..."

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I THINK SHE LIKES IT.

"I THINK SHE LIKES IT."

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WELL, I HATE TO LEAVE YOUR COMPANY AGAIN SO SOON,

"WELL, I HATE TO LEAVE YOUR COMPANY AGAIN SO SOON,"

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BUT I MUST VISIT THE MEN'S ROOM.

"BUT I MUST VISIT THE MEN'S ROOM."

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YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY--

"YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY--"

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YOU ONLY RENT A CHATEAU LAFITE-ROTHSCHILD.

"YOU ONLY RENT A CHATEAU LAFITE-ROTHSCHILD."

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I'LL GO WITH YOU.

"I'LL GO WITH YOU."

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WELL, DIANE, THERE ARE SOME THINGS

"WELL, DIANE, THERE ARE SOME THINGS"

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A MAN MUST DO ALONE.

"A MAN MUST DO ALONE."

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IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU WON'T DO THIS NOW.

"IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU WON'T DO THIS NOW."

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WELL, IT'S A PECULIAR TEST OF A MAN'S AFFECTION,

"WELL, IT'S A PECULIAR TEST OF A MAN'S AFFECTION,"

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BUT I THINK I'M UP TO IT.

"BUT I THINK I'M UP TO IT."

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YOU KNOW, I'VE JUST HAD AN INSPIRATION.

"YOU KNOW, I'VE JUST HAD AN INSPIRATION."

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WHAT SAY WE GO TO AN INTIMATE CABARET AND HEAR SOME JAZZ?

"WHAT SAY WE GO TO AN INTIMATE CABARET AND HEAR SOME JAZZ?"

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OH, THAT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA, FRASIER.

"OH, THAT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA, FRASIER."

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HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT, DIANE?

"HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT, DIANE?"

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UH...

"UH..."

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DIANE, YOU'RE WHITE AS A SHEET. ARE YOU OK?

"DIANE, YOU'RE WHITE AS A SHEET. ARE YOU OK?"

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I'M A LITTLE TIRED, FRASIER.

"I'M A LITTLE TIRED, FRASIER."

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WHY DON'T YOU AND HESTER GO ALONG WITHOUT ME?

"WHY DON'T YOU AND HESTER GO ALONG WITHOUT ME?"

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NO. WE WOULDN'T THINK OF IT!

"NO. WE WOULDN'T THINK OF IT!"

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NO. NO, I INSIST.

"NO. NO, I INSIST."

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UM...I'LL BE FINE. I'LL CALL A CAB.

"UM...I'LL BE FINE. I'LL CALL A CAB."

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I WOULDN'T WANT TO INTERFERE WITH YOUR FUN TIME. PLEASE.

"I WOULDN'T WANT TO INTERFERE WITH YOUR FUN TIME. PLEASE."

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SHE'S TIRED. DON'T PRESS HER.

"SHE'S TIRED. DON'T PRESS HER."

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GO HOME, DEAR. REST.

"GO HOME, DEAR. REST."

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YOU NEED A NIGHT ON THE TOWN

"YOU NEED A NIGHT ON THE TOWN"

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LIKE YOU NEED A HOLE IN THE HEAD.

"LIKE YOU NEED A HOLE IN THE HEAD."

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I'LL BE FINE.

"I'LL BE FINE."

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THANK YOU.

"THANK YOU."

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VERY WELL.

"VERY WELL."

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I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

"I'LL CALL YOU LATER."

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SO HOW'D DINNER GO?

"SO HOW'D DINNER GO?"

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SHE WANTS TO KILL ME.

"SHE WANTS TO KILL ME."

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YOU GOT TO START PICKING UP SOME CHECKS, DIANE.

"YOU GOT TO START PICKING UP SOME CHECKS, DIANE."

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SAM, I HAVE TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.

"SAM, I HAVE TO ASK YOU A QUESTION."

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AND PROMISE ME YOU WON'T MAKE A JOKE OUT OF IT. OK? PROMISE.

"AND PROMISE ME YOU WON'T MAKE A JOKE OUT OF IT. OK? PROMISE."

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YEAH, I PROMISE. WHAT'S UP?

"YEAH, I PROMISE. WHAT'S UP?"

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DO YOU THINK I'M CRAZY?

"DO YOU THINK I'M CRAZY?"

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YES.

"YES."

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HA HA.

"HA HA."

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NOW THAT WE'VE GOTTEN THE JOKE OUT OF THE WAY,

"NOW THAT WE'VE GOTTEN THE JOKE OUT OF THE WAY,"

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WILL YOU PLEASE HELP ME?

"WILL YOU PLEASE HELP ME?"

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I KNOW THIS IS A STRANGE QUESTION, BUT IT'S IMPORTANT.

"I KNOW THIS IS A STRANGE QUESTION, BUT IT'S IMPORTANT."

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DO YOU THINK I'M... CRAZY?

"DO YOU THINK I'M... CRAZY?"

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YES.

"YES."

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I SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER.

"I SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER."

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YOU'RE INCAPABLE OF A RATIONAL CONVERSATION.

"YOU'RE INCAPABLE OF A RATIONAL CONVERSATION."

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EVERYTHING HAS TO BE SOME FLIP REMARK.

"EVERYTHING HAS TO BE SOME FLIP REMARK."

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WELL, ALL RIGHT. NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

"WELL, ALL RIGHT. NOW, WAIT A MINUTE."

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DO YOU MEAN ARE YOU CRAZY, LIKE SERIOUSLY UNBALANCED,

"DO YOU MEAN ARE YOU CRAZY, LIKE SERIOUSLY UNBALANCED,"

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LIKE LOSING YOUR GRASP ON REALITY?

"LIKE LOSING YOUR GRASP ON REALITY?"

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YES.

"YES."

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OH. WELL, THEN...

"OH. WELL, THEN..."

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YES.

"YES."

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WHEN YOU'RE READY TO DISCUSS THIS AS AN ADULT,

"WHEN YOU'RE READY TO DISCUSS THIS AS AN ADULT,"

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THEN WE WILL TALK.

"THEN WE WILL TALK."

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SAY, DO I SENSE A BIT OF TENSION

"SAY, DO I SENSE A BIT OF TENSION"

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BETWEEN YOU AND DEAR OLD MOTHER CRANE?

"BETWEEN YOU AND DEAR OLD MOTHER CRANE?"

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WELL, I DON'T WANT TO BLOW THIS OUT OF PROPORTION.

"WELL, I DON'T WANT TO BLOW THIS OUT OF PROPORTION."

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DOESN'T EVERY WOMAN FEEL THEIR MOTHER-IN-LAW-TO-BE

"DOESN'T EVERY WOMAN FEEL THEIR MOTHER-IN-LAW-TO-BE"

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IS AN EVIL, DARK-HEARTED, PSYCHOTIC MURDERESS?

"IS AN EVIL, DARK-HEARTED, PSYCHOTIC MURDERESS?"

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I MEAN COMPETITOR.

"I MEAN COMPETITOR."

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WHAT EXACTLY DID SHE SAY?

"WHAT EXACTLY DID SHE SAY?"

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I DON'T REMEMBER IT WORD FOR WORD.

"I DON'T REMEMBER IT WORD FOR WORD."

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SOMETHING ABOUT, "I HAVE A GUN, AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT."

"SOMETHING ABOUT, "I HAVE A GUN, AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.""

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THEN BEFORE SHE LEFT, SHE SAID I NEEDED A NIGHT ON THE TOWN

"THEN BEFORE SHE LEFT, SHE SAID I NEEDED A NIGHT ON THE TOWN"

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LIKE I NEEDED A HOLE IN THE HEAD.

"LIKE I NEEDED A HOLE IN THE HEAD."

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HA HA HA HA! THAT'S KIND OF CUTE.

"HA HA HA HA! THAT'S KIND OF CUTE."

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CUTE? YOU THINK A DEATH THREAT IS CUTE?

"CUTE? YOU THINK A DEATH THREAT IS CUTE?"

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WELL, NOT AS A RULE, NO, BUT, UM...

"WELL, NOT AS A RULE, NO, BUT, UM..."

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YOU KNOW, YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR IS NOT EXACTLY YOUR STRONG POINT.

"YOU KNOW, YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR IS NOT EXACTLY YOUR STRONG POINT."

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IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THIS LADY IS JOKING WITH YOU?

"IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THIS LADY IS JOKING WITH YOU?"

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WELL, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE, BUT WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT...

"WELL, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE, BUT WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT..."

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A HOLE IN THE HEAD?

"A HOLE IN THE HEAD?"

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OH, GOD!

"OH, GOD!"

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IS IT POSSIBLE?

"IS IT POSSIBLE?"

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OH, I FEEL SO FOOLISH.

"OH, I FEEL SO FOOLISH."

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SHE MUST THINK I'M A TWIT.

"SHE MUST THINK I'M A TWIT."

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DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT BECAUSE WHEN I FIRST MET YOU,

"DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT BECAUSE WHEN I FIRST MET YOU,"

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I THOUGHT YOU WERE A TWIT, TOO.

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE A TWIT, TOO."

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BOY, THIS GAL IS A REAL KIDDER, HUH?

"BOY, THIS GAL IS A REAL KIDDER, HUH?"

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I MEAN, WE'RE TALKING VERITABLE GOOSE. HA HA!

"I MEAN, WE'RE TALKING VERITABLE GOOSE. HA HA!"

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WELL, FORTUNATELY, WE'RE HAVING LUNCH TOGETHER,

"WELL, FORTUNATELY, WE'RE HAVING LUNCH TOGETHER,"

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SO I CAN SHOW HESTER

"SO I CAN SHOW HESTER"

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THAT I CAN GIVE AS GOOD AS I GET.

"THAT I CAN GIVE AS GOOD AS I GET."

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AFTERNOON, EVERYBODY.

"AFTERNOON, EVERYBODY."

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NORM! NORM!

"NORM! NORM!"

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WHAT'S UP, NORM?

"WHAT'S UP, NORM?"

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EVERYTHING THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.

"EVERYTHING THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE."

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HEY, NORM. HOW YOU DOING?

"HEY, NORM. HOW YOU DOING?"

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I HEAR YOU SPENT THE NIGHT IN THE HOSPITAL.

"I HEAR YOU SPENT THE NIGHT IN THE HOSPITAL."

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YEAH, YEAH. I'M OK, THOUGH.

"YEAH, YEAH. I'M OK, THOUGH."

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HERE. YOU CAN JUST TAKE CARE OF THIS

"HERE. YOU CAN JUST TAKE CARE OF THIS"

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AT YOUR LEISURE, I SUPPOSE.

"AT YOUR LEISURE, I SUPPOSE."

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$683?

"$683?"

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YEAH.

"YEAH."

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JUST TO HAVE YOUR HEAD CHECKED?

"JUST TO HAVE YOUR HEAD CHECKED?"

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YEAH. ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?

"YEAH. ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?"

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WELL, THEY DID A WHOLE BATTERY OF TESTS ON ME, SAM.

"WELL, THEY DID A WHOLE BATTERY OF TESTS ON ME, SAM."

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HEY, I THOUGHT THE IMPORTANT THING IS

"HEY, I THOUGHT THE IMPORTANT THING IS"

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THAT I'M OK, ISN'T IT?

"THAT I'M OK, ISN'T IT?"

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WELL, NO. WELL, I MEAN YES, BUT...

"WELL, NO. WELL, I MEAN YES, BUT..."

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$683.

"$683."

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SAMMY, THE COST OF DIAGNOSTIC TESTING

"SAMMY, THE COST OF DIAGNOSTIC TESTING"

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HAS GONE UP DRAMATICALLY.

"HAS GONE UP DRAMATICALLY."

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I READ RECENTLY WHERE IT'S RUN INTO BILLIONS EVERY YEAR.

"I READ RECENTLY WHERE IT'S RUN INTO BILLIONS EVERY YEAR."

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GEE. I DIDN'T KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE

"GEE. I DIDN'T KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE"

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GOT HIT BY CORKS.

"GOT HIT BY CORKS."

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WHAT ALL DID THEY DO TO YOU DOWN THERE, NORM?

"WHAT ALL DID THEY DO TO YOU DOWN THERE, NORM?"

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MOSTLY ROUTINE STUFF.

"MOSTLY ROUTINE STUFF."

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WELL, I DID TAKE CARE OF ONE OTHER LITTLE MATTER.

"WELL, I DID TAKE CARE OF ONE OTHER LITTLE MATTER."

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LIKE WHAT?

"LIKE WHAT?"

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I HAD A LITTLE MOLE REMOVED.

"I HAD A LITTLE MOLE REMOVED."

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AND YOU STUCK ME WITH IT?

"AND YOU STUCK ME WITH IT?"

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NORM, WHERE DID YOU HAVE A MOLE?

"NORM, WHERE DID YOU HAVE A MOLE?"

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MUST HAVE BEEN THE ONE ON YOUR BUTT, THERE, HUH?

"MUST HAVE BEEN THE ONE ON YOUR BUTT, THERE, HUH?"

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UH, NORM...I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE THAT...VAIN.

"UH, NORM...I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE THAT...VAIN."

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WHO'S EVER GONNA SEE YOUR REAR END?

"WHO'S EVER GONNA SEE YOUR REAR END?"

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