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Clips from Cheers - Diane Meets Mom (S03E03)

YOU'RE JUST ABOUT TO, WISE GUY.

"YOU'RE JUST ABOUT TO, WISE GUY."

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I THINK YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME HERE, NORM.

"I THINK YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME HERE, NORM."

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SAM, I FIGURED YOU'D WANT TO THROW IN THE MOLE.

"SAM, I FIGURED YOU'D WANT TO THROW IN THE MOLE."

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IT MAKES A NICE BIRTHDAY GIFT, YOU KNOW?

"IT MAKES A NICE BIRTHDAY GIFT, YOU KNOW?"

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ALL RIGHT, YOU WANT TO BE HARD-NOSED ABOUT IT.

"ALL RIGHT, YOU WANT TO BE HARD-NOSED ABOUT IT."

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COME ON. I'LL PAY FOR IT. COME ON.

"COME ON. I'LL PAY FOR IT. COME ON."

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NO, NO. NO. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

"NO, NO. NO. HAPPY BIRTHDAY."

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THANK YOU, SAM. IT'S JUST WHAT I WANTED.

"THANK YOU, SAM. IT'S JUST WHAT I WANTED."

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YOU'RE WELCOME.

"YOU'RE WELCOME."

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YOU KNOW, I KNOW IT'S A LITTLE EARLY,

"YOU KNOW, I KNOW IT'S A LITTLE EARLY,"

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BUT I WOULDN'T SAY NO TO A TUMMY TUCK FOR CHRISTMAS.

"BUT I WOULDN'T SAY NO TO A TUMMY TUCK FOR CHRISTMAS."

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I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

"I'LL THINK ABOUT IT."

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OH! HEY, DIANE, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

"OH! HEY, DIANE, LOOK WHO'S HERE."

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IF YOU HAVE KNEES, PREPARE TO SLAP THEM NOW.

"IF YOU HAVE KNEES, PREPARE TO SLAP THEM NOW."

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HELLO, DEAR.

"HELLO, DEAR."

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HELLO, DIANE. ARE YOU FEELING BETTER?

"HELLO, DIANE. ARE YOU FEELING BETTER?"

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MUCH BETTER, THANK YOU.

"MUCH BETTER, THANK YOU."

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GOOD. IF SAM THE SLAVE DRIVER WILL LET US STEAL YOU AWAY,

"GOOD. IF SAM THE SLAVE DRIVER WILL LET US STEAL YOU AWAY,"

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I HAVE RESERVATIONS FOR THREE FOR LUNCH.

"I HAVE RESERVATIONS FOR THREE FOR LUNCH."

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OH, SOUNDS GOOD.

"OH, SOUNDS GOOD."

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HESTER, I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT

"HESTER, I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT"

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ABOUT OUR LITTLE TALK LAST NIGHT.

"ABOUT OUR LITTLE TALK LAST NIGHT."

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I HOPE YOU'VE BEEN THINKING LONG AND HARD.

"I HOPE YOU'VE BEEN THINKING LONG AND HARD."

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I HAVE.

"I HAVE."

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FRASIER, I CAME TO A DECISION LAST NIGHT.

"FRASIER, I CAME TO A DECISION LAST NIGHT."

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WHEN AND IF WE MARRY,

"WHEN AND IF WE MARRY,"

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I THINK WE SHOULD COMMIT MOMMY DEAREST TO A REST HOME,

"I THINK WE SHOULD COMMIT MOMMY DEAREST TO A REST HOME,"

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MAKING SURE THAT BEATING AND STARVING

"MAKING SURE THAT BEATING AND STARVING"

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ARE THE ONLY FORMS OF RECREATION.

"ARE THE ONLY FORMS OF RECREATION."

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DIANE!

"DIANE!"

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I, UH, BEG YOUR PARDON?

"I, UH, BEG YOUR PARDON?"

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IN FACT, I FEEL LIKE SLAPPING YOUR FACE RIGHT NOW.

"IN FACT, I FEEL LIKE SLAPPING YOUR FACE RIGHT NOW."

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TAKE ME OUT OF HERE THIS MOMENT.

"TAKE ME OUT OF HERE THIS MOMENT."

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WELL, IT'S A JOKE.

"WELL, IT'S A JOKE."

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COME ON, I'M OBVIOUSLY KIDDING.

"COME ON, I'M OBVIOUSLY KIDDING."

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WE'RE NOT GOING TO PUT THE WOMAN IN A REST HOME.

"WE'RE NOT GOING TO PUT THE WOMAN IN A REST HOME."

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WE'LL HAVE HER WITH US ALWAYS.

"WE'LL HAVE HER WITH US ALWAYS."

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WE'RE GOING TO HAVE HER STUFFED.

"WE'RE GOING TO HAVE HER STUFFED."

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HA HA HA HA!

"HA HA HA HA!"

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AND--AND I'LL EVEN SLIT HER THROAT IN THE PROCESS.

"AND--AND I'LL EVEN SLIT HER THROAT IN THE PROCESS."

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THANK YOU, SAM.

"THANK YOU, SAM."

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I'VE NEVER ENCOUNTERED SUCH HOSTILITY,

"I'VE NEVER ENCOUNTERED SUCH HOSTILITY,"

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PERSONALLY OR PROFESSIONALLY.

"PERSONALLY OR PROFESSIONALLY."

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I'M LEAVING.

"I'M LEAVING."

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NO, NO. JUST A MINUTE. LET'S ALL TAKE A BEAT.

"NO, NO. JUST A MINUTE. LET'S ALL TAKE A BEAT."

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NOW, THE THREE OF US ARE GOING INTO SAM'S OFFICE,

"NOW, THE THREE OF US ARE GOING INTO SAM'S OFFICE,"

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AND WE'RE GOING TO WORK THIS THING THROUGH.

"AND WE'RE GOING TO WORK THIS THING THROUGH."

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THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME LOGICAL EXPLANATION.

"THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME LOGICAL EXPLANATION."

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AND THERE'D BETTER BE, DIANE.

"AND THERE'D BETTER BE, DIANE."

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WELL, IT'S A JOKE. IT'S ALL JOKING.

"WELL, IT'S A JOKE. IT'S ALL JOKING."

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HESTER, YOU'RE WITH ME ON THIS, AREN'T YOU?

"HESTER, YOU'RE WITH ME ON THIS, AREN'T YOU?"

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IF TERRIBLE THREATS CONSTITUTE JOKES,

"IF TERRIBLE THREATS CONSTITUTE JOKES,"

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NO, I'M NOT WITH YOU ON THIS.

"NO, I'M NOT WITH YOU ON THIS."

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OK, TIME TO TAKE STOCK HERE.

"OK, TIME TO TAKE STOCK HERE."

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I'M NOT CRAZY...

"I'M NOT CRAZY..."

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RIGHT, DIANE? RIGHT YOU ARE.

"RIGHT, DIANE? RIGHT YOU ARE."

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A WHOLE YEAR OF MY LIFE.

"A WHOLE YEAR OF MY LIFE."

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HESTER, I WAS TRYING TO JOKE WITH YOU

"HESTER, I WAS TRYING TO JOKE WITH YOU"

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LIKE YOU WERE JOKING WITH ME.

"LIKE YOU WERE JOKING WITH ME."

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IF YOU WEREN'T JOKING, THEN YOU THREATENED

"IF YOU WEREN'T JOKING, THEN YOU THREATENED"

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MY LIFE LAST NIGHT, AND I THINK--

"MY LIFE LAST NIGHT, AND I THINK--"

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SHE WHAT? I WHAT?

"SHE WHAT? I WHAT?"

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SHE SAID THAT IF I DIDN'T STOP SEEING YOU,

"SHE SAID THAT IF I DIDN'T STOP SEEING YOU,"

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SHE'D SHOOT ME.

"SHE'D SHOOT ME."

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THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY A MISTAKE.

"THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY A MISTAKE."

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OH, NO. YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL YOU THREATENED MY LIFE.

"OH, NO. YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL YOU THREATENED MY LIFE."

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OH, DIANE, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!

"OH, DIANE, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!"

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I WILL NOT STAY AND BE TALKED TO LIKE THIS.

"I WILL NOT STAY AND BE TALKED TO LIKE THIS."

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FRASIER, SHE IS A RUDE, BOORISH, SPITEFUL WOMAN WHO,

"FRASIER, SHE IS A RUDE, BOORISH, SPITEFUL WOMAN WHO,"

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FOR SOME REASON THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND,

"FOR SOME REASON THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND,"

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RESENTS ME TERRIBLY.

"RESENTS ME TERRIBLY."

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MOTHER, PLEASE.

"MOTHER, PLEASE."

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LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!

"LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!"

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DIANE.

"DIANE."

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I'M NOT LYING. SHE IS.

"I'M NOT LYING. SHE IS."

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AND IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU'LL STAND UP

"AND IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU'LL STAND UP"

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FOR ME RIGHT NOW WHEN I NEED IT.

"FOR ME RIGHT NOW WHEN I NEED IT."

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BUT, DIANE--

"BUT, DIANE--"

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FRASIER, I'M ASKING YOU TO LEAVE WITH ME NOW.

"FRASIER, I'M ASKING YOU TO LEAVE WITH ME NOW."

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FRASIER,

"FRASIER,"

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THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MOMENT

"THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MOMENT"

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IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.

"IN OUR RELATIONSHIP."

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IF YOU ABANDON ME NOW, THAT'S IT.

"IF YOU ABANDON ME NOW, THAT'S IT."

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MOTHER...

"MOTHER..."

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WHY DID YOU THREATEN DIANE?

"WHY DID YOU THREATEN DIANE?"

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YOU BELIEVE HER?

"YOU BELIEVE HER?"

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YES.

"YES."

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OH...GOD!

"OH...GOD!"

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I'VE LOST YOU!

"I'VE LOST YOU!"

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OH, FRASIER, I DID SAY THOSE TERRIBLE THINGS,

"OH, FRASIER, I DID SAY THOSE TERRIBLE THINGS,"

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BUT BELIEVE ME, I HAD GOOD REASON.

"BUT BELIEVE ME, I HAD GOOD REASON."

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OH. SHE SAID THEM, BUT SHE HAD GOOD REASONS.

"OH. SHE SAID THEM, BUT SHE HAD GOOD REASONS."

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NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH!"

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THEY'D BETTER BE GOOD.

"THEY'D BETTER BE GOOD."

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THE BEST IN THE WORLD.

"THE BEST IN THE WORLD."

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OH, I WANTED TO SAVE YOU

"OH, I WANTED TO SAVE YOU"

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FROM RUINING WHAT CAN BE A BRILLIANT CAREER.

"FROM RUINING WHAT CAN BE A BRILLIANT CAREER."

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I JUST CAN'T STAND THE PICTURE OF YOU

"I JUST CAN'T STAND THE PICTURE OF YOU"

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BEING MARRIED TO A PSEUDO-INTELLECTUAL BARMAID.

"BEING MARRIED TO A PSEUDO-INTELLECTUAL BARMAID."

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NO OFFENSE INTENDED.

"NO OFFENSE INTENDED."

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NONE TAKEN. CA NE FAIT REIN.

"NONE TAKEN. CA NE FAIT REIN."

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MOTHER, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS OF YOU--

"MOTHER, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS OF YOU--"

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A WOMAN WHO HAS ALWAYS BEEN

"A WOMAN WHO HAS ALWAYS BEEN"

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THE MOST GENTLE, RATIONAL HUMAN BEING I'VE EVER KNOWN.

"THE MOST GENTLE, RATIONAL HUMAN BEING I'VE EVER KNOWN."

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OH, MY DEAR BOY,

"OH, MY DEAR BOY,"

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YOU KNOW THAT I WOULD NEVER FOLLOW THROUGH

"YOU KNOW THAT I WOULD NEVER FOLLOW THROUGH"

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ON MY THREAT TO KILL HER.

"ON MY THREAT TO KILL HER."

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YOU KNOW, AS I WAS PRICING REVOLVERS THIS MORNING,

"YOU KNOW, AS I WAS PRICING REVOLVERS THIS MORNING,"

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I REALIZED HOW IRRATIONAL MY FEELINGS WERE.

"I REALIZED HOW IRRATIONAL MY FEELINGS WERE."

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BUT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

"BUT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?"

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I'D RATHER SEE YOU

"I'D RATHER SEE YOU"

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SHOVELING SHERBET AT HOWARD JOHNSON'S

"SHOVELING SHERBET AT HOWARD JOHNSON'S"

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IN A SILLY HAT AND AN APRON

"IN A SILLY HAT AND AN APRON"

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THAN MAKE A BAD MARRIAGE.

"THAN MAKE A BAD MARRIAGE."

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MOTHER, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

"MOTHER, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND."

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WE'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE A BAD MARRIAGE,

"WE'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE A BAD MARRIAGE,"

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AND I'M NOT GOING TO SHOVEL SHERBET.

"AND I'M NOT GOING TO SHOVEL SHERBET."

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BUT I WOULD BE HAPPY DOING IT

"BUT I WOULD BE HAPPY DOING IT"

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IF DIANE WERE AT MY SIDE.

"IF DIANE WERE AT MY SIDE."

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OH, FRASIER!

"OH, FRASIER!"

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