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Clips from Mr. Mayor - The Debate (S02E02)

"you're just being a bully and a muckraker."
Mr. Mayor
"I think you mean a mudslinger."
Mr. Mayor
"Mudslinger, fine."
Mr. Mayor
"You just love undercutting women, don't you?"
Mr. Mayor
"Mud."
Mr. Mayor
"Arpi's dysentery initiative."
Mr. Mayor
"Yeah, everything great from your office came from her."
Mr. Mayor
"Banning oil drilling, ADU's for the unhoused,"
Mr. Mayor
"family planning for coyotes..."
Mr. Mayor
"[whispers] I know how to break Arpi."
Mr. Mayor
"[line trilling]"
Mr. Mayor
"Tommy, I've got a situation here."
Mr. Mayor
"James asked his firm to keep him in L. A."
Mr. Mayor
"For, like, us."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh. Wow."
Mr. Mayor
"Right? I mean,"
Mr. Mayor
"I wanna see where this goes, sure."
Mr. Mayor
"But he's making career decisions because of me?"
Mr. Mayor
"And he moved in with his ex after only three months."
Mr. Mayor
"I mean, are big gestures, like, his thing?"
Mr. Mayor
"Because big-gesture guys suck!"
Mr. Mayor
"My college boyfriend filled my dorm room with doves."
Mr. Mayor
"They gave me SARS."
Mr. Mayor
"Okay, so you'd rather James did nothing?"
Mr. Mayor
"No, nothing guys are worse."
Mr. Mayor
"This guy I dated in Silver Lake just walked away"
Mr. Mayor
"when I got caught sneaking his pot into a Phish concert."
Mr. Mayor
"He sounds white. So what exactly do you want?"
Mr. Mayor
"I just want--"
Mr. Mayor
"have you ever seen Whitney Houston in "The Bodyguard"?"
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, okay. So you just want someone"
Mr. Mayor
"to take a bullet for you."
Mr. Mayor
"I mean, yes."
Mr. Mayor
"Something spontaneous that is 1,000% for me!"
Mr. Mayor
"I mean, Micah put those doves"
Mr. Mayor
"in my room when I was sleeping, Tommy."
Mr. Mayor
"I rolled over and popped one."
Mr. Mayor
"It sounded like a bag of chips,"
Mr. Mayor
"and I woke up eating it--"
Mr. Mayor
"Okay. I'm in the middle of a debate."
Mr. Mayor
"Yeah, tell Mayor Bremer he's gotta change it up."
Mr. Mayor
"Just talk about job numbers,"
Mr. Mayor
"and how great the weather has been."
Mr. Mayor
"Also tell Arpi if she's looking"
Mr. Mayor
"for a chief of staff with experience that I--"
Mr. Mayor
"Hello?"
Mr. Mayor
"There she is."
Mr. Mayor
"That's the woman who's been impersonating the mayor."
Mr. Mayor
"You think I didn't know who the mayor was because I'm old?"
Mr. Mayor
"I'm old because I've been outsmarting death"
Mr. Mayor
"for 100 years!"
Mr. Mayor
"That's a weird thing to say."
Mr. Mayor
"I used to work in the DA's office,"
Mr. Mayor
"and California penal code number 529"
Mr. Mayor
"makes it a felony to impersonate a public official."
Mr. Mayor
"God, I missed this!"
Mr. Mayor
"[patriotic music]"
Mr. Mayor
"Mayor Bremer."
Mr. Mayor
"During "Scrubs," I misplaced my questions."
Mr. Mayor
"Is there anything you'd like to ask me?"
Mr. Mayor
"There is, Chet."
Mr. Mayor
"I'd like to ask you to ask me"
Mr. Mayor
"what achievements I'm most proud of."
Mr. Mayor
"What achievements are you most proud of?"
Mr. Mayor
"[whispers] Thank you."
Mr. Mayor
"Great question, Chet."
Mr. Mayor
"As you know, I've taken on the oil industry."
Mr. Mayor
"I banned drilling in the city,"
Mr. Mayor
"and I'm working on ending the practice"
Mr. Mayor
"off our beautiful beaches as well."
Mr. Mayor
"And I made it possible for coyotes to have sex"
Mr. Mayor
"for pleasure, and not just reproduction."
Mr. Mayor
"And when I return to office,"
Mr. Mayor
"I will initiate a program to mitigate urban dysentery,"
Mr. Mayor
"or M. U. D. for short."
Mr. Mayor
"You son of a bitch!"
Mr. Mayor
"[audience gasping]"
Mr. Mayor
"Diarrhea's mine, Bremer."
Mr. Mayor
"All those ideas are mine."
Mr. Mayor
"Then why haven't we heard a single idea"
Mr. Mayor
"from you all night, Meskimen?"
Mr. Mayor
"Because I want these morons to like me!"
Mr. Mayor
"[gasping and jeering]"
Mr. Mayor
"I put on this whole stupid costume"
Mr. Mayor
"to play a game that makes me sick!"
Mr. Mayor
"Well, enough! This isn't me."
Mr. Mayor
"This isn't my hair!"
Mr. Mayor
"[audience gasps]"
Mr. Mayor
"Yeah, that's gonna be the photo."
Mr. Mayor
"This is me!"
Mr. Mayor
"If you don't like it, don't vote for me."
Mr. Mayor
"Fine, I won't."
Mr. Mayor
"Dodgers suck!"
Mr. Mayor
"[booing]"
Mr. Mayor
"Yeah!"
Mr. Mayor
"Good race, Jayden. I had fun."
Mr. Mayor
"It's not over yet."
Mr. Mayor
"I still have an October surprise."
Mr. Mayor
"Even though it's-- wait, what month is it?"
Mr. Mayor
"Not that. I don't know what that is."
Mr. Mayor
"That seems bad."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, my God."
Mr. Mayor
"Is anyone else, like, so tired of these two?"
Mr. Mayor
"[cheers and applause]"
Mr. Mayor
"Okay, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"I think there must be some mistake here."
Mr. Mayor
"A mistake you're gonna have plenty of time"
Mr. Mayor
"to think about in jail! - [gasps]"
Mr. Mayor
"- Or community service. - [gasps]"
Mr. Mayor
"Look, Ms. Shaw, he's making a complaint."
Mr. Mayor
"I gotta take it down."
Mr. Mayor
"Seriously? Okay, no."
Mr. Mayor
"This is getting out of hand. I-I--"
Mr. Mayor
"Granddaddy! There you are."
Mr. Mayor
"Hey, get off me, man."
Mr. Mayor
"What? You don't know me?"
Mr. Mayor
"It's Ernie. It's Ruthie's son."
Mr. Mayor
"He keeps wandering off quoting old "Law and Order" episodes."
Mr. Mayor
"He's watched so much, he thinks he's a lawyer."
Mr. Mayor
"I am a lawyer."
Mr. Mayor
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